Years ago I wrote a scathing blog post to career center directors. It was a dressing down, if you will, because they just weren’t providing current solutions. I’ve learned that career center directors are underfunded and underpaid, and if you’ve been in college you know no one really values them (unfortunately, especially professors). My post, which I’m not even going to take the time to look for, was not kind.
At the time I had a wise business coach who read the post and then sent me a multi-page email telling me to never do that again. I remember two things: (1) his email was as harsh as my post was, which I deserved, and (2) he said that if my audience (career center professionals) didn’t understand the value of JibberJobber, I was 100% to blame.
That lesson has stuck with me every since. Indeed, I was 100% to blame. It wasn’t that they were stupid or lazy, it was that I was not effectively communicating. I was trying, but I hadn’t figured out how to communicate the right way.
Thank you, Kent, for one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in life and business.
My message is not that you should blame YOU for your mistakes or issues or shortcomings. I want to shift gears… away from finding and assigning blame to just giving up on blame.
I don’t want you to do this to the detriment of your mental health. I think sometimes blame can be good (I’m no doctor, though). Blaming others has motivated me to work hard, be better, achieve more, etc.
But I have seen people get stuck needing to blame and needing to get retribution. Hanging onto, and pursuing, blame has caused people to stop progressing. They put their mission to pursue blame in front of career, family, and personal health.
Sounds like a path to disaster, right?
My invitation to you is to move on. Work on you. Make progress in areas you should make progress in.
All the people I could have, or do, blame are… well, honestly, I don’t care. I don’t care where they are in their life, and I don’t care what they are. They don’t matter. They can’t have power over me anymore, unless I give it to them. And frankly, most of them don’t care. They probably don’t even remember my name.
Release the blame. Move on. Maybe even forgive.
Simple words that can feel impossible to put into practice, but they are so freeing. Do this for you, because you need it and you deserve it.
And then you are free to grow and heal.
I dare you to try it.