I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.
I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).
But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.
First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.
In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.
This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control. But even when you have a high locus of control, depression clouds everything.
The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.
Depression Clouds Everything Especially with Life Hitting Us from Every Which Way
And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.
When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN – it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”
But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded because I was desperate. And, depression clouds everything
Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.
It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!
Depression Clouds Everything Even How We Would Normally Think
I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.
A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.
Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.
His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.”
I was speechless. This was a big part of why I needed to write this Depression Clouds Everything post.
For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.
The Enemy of Depression Is Hope
I’m updating this post in 2022. I want to preserve much of the original post since it resonated so much with people, and because it is a snapshot of where I was in my growth journey.
Years after I wrote this Depression Clouds Everything post I met Dick Bolles in person. I was fortunate to get some time with him at a restaurant. It was, I can say, life changing. Please read this post about that lunch, and why it impacted me.
I’m not going to say that understanding options, or having more hope, will eliminate depression. That would be too simplistic. But I know that having options, having something to hope for, can change how you feel and think. I went through that. Options found me, my hope went from zero to a hundred, and depression melted away. You can’t force this on anyone, or yourself, but it’s an awesome dynamic that might help.
I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post, Depression Clouds Everything, or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.
Struggling to stay positive:
Thank you so much for the name of the book and comments. I sincerely appreciate it.
Dear Discouraged:
My pleasure!
Cordially,
Struggling to Stay Positive
Struggling to Stay Positive Says,
You are correct. Not only is time for a rest, but time for a new career and a new life. The only thing is to what . I think I know!
Thanks,
Dana
Kristen Jacoway – https://www.careerdesigncoach.com – made this video to give some inspiration on how it can only take an idea or a dream to change lives. Enjoy!
Kristen Jacoway – https://www.careerdesigncoach.com – made this video to give some inspiration on how it can only take an idea or a dream to change lives. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnj45IxYWVw
To all sill looking for employment….more bad news! What else is new. On the the front page of MSN.
https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33041366/ns/business-the_new_york_times
CALL YOUR SENATORS!!!!
https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/63895-senate-democrats-restart-campaign-to-extend-unemployment-insurance
I am one of the fortunate ones at the moment. I say this not to make anyone feel less, but to illustrate a point.
I am employed again and have been since May. It is a blessing that I am grateful for every second of every day. Since I moved to a new city almost four years ago, I have been unemployed for 16 of the last 46 months. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t seem like a long time period. But, I was behind in my bills when I moved out here, but got caught up pretty quickly once I started working. But, each stretch of unemployment just added to the pile of past due notices. Just because I had a job didn’t mean I was automatically happy. My depression stems from the fact that I’m working my butt off and am still behind.
I share all this to illustrate a point. Losing a job is only the tip of the iceberg. The depression continues even after you go back to work and still can’t get your bills paid. Frankly, I’m not sure which is worse; not being able to pay the bills because I’m unemployed or not being able to pay the bills because I’m so far behind I’ll never catch up. Frankly I’d rather have a reason for being behind, people tend to look at you worse when they know you’re working but your car gets reposessed or your utilities are shut off.
Employment doesn’t automatically bring happiness and getting a job isn’t necessarily the fix-all.
Going on a year unemployed. Benefits are on the 3rd and final extension. Using that and savings to stay afloat. Had to finally break down and admit I’m terribly depressed and what’s more very angry. I worked for Wall St and made $$$ and saved. I’ve been cut loose in my late 50’s so I’m typical. It is very difficult right now. My biggest mistake was getting comfortable after 20yrs with the same company and planning mainly for retirement. The result was, when I had to hit the street, I had no network to speak of. All those that left with me were in the same boat and therefore are very reluctant to share info. Nice network!
I do know one thing, I’m going to fight to the bitter end and when I’m broke and they come to foreclose on my home and put me out in the cold, it will be lights out and they will have to clean up the mess…. Where’s my f****** bailout????
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/Despite-millions-of-job-cnnm-215026799.html?x=0&mod=career-work
Interesting article.
Everyone looking for a job there is a collective job search engine called Indeed.com
This search engine will search all the job websites and put them into your e-mail. You must set it up.
NancyB. said, “My husband is the real expert on job search… having had 11 different jobs in 2004 (when we first moved here to Seattle)… and he says that reading job descriptions and visualizing all of the positive things that he learns about the company when he does the research before applying gets him through his ‘bad days.’”
WOW, 11 jobs in 2004. WOULD you please care to share what was learned from all of those job loss experiences that, I am hoping, finally had a positive outcome in learning, and a positive outcome in landing a job that he could keep?
Anyone?
Leslie says “If you are thinking of going to college……I seriously recomend a state school or somewhere cheap. An ivy league education did nothing for me in terms of the job market, it just made me poorer and more in debt than I ever though possible.”
Again, I am shocked. An Ivy league college education and you can’t find an entry-level position. SHocked at the employers for not scooping you up. No, I do not get it.
One week after the BOSS knifed me in the back, she too was “nuked”. …While it’s still hard for me not to be POed, I try to just learn whatever lesson that the Universe had for me in that experience (to avoid “lessons are repeated until the student learns”) and move on. It hasn’t been fun, Hasn’t been easy. But, I was better prepared financially for it. Having been nuked four times before, I was ready with “It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s them!” (A Turkey’s Credo) and “This too shall pass”. In comparison to my first nuking, it wasn’t as traumatic.
Ok, you say you had been nuked 4 times before. (1) Did you learn the lesson that the Universe had for you so as not to repeat? (2) Does the “Its not you. Its not me. Its them” credo work or help? (3) Did you learn that it was not your fault that you lost your job….it was “them” not “you” ?
Can you HELP me out with this Turkey Credo…yes, I am reading about it, still do not get it.
Louri Boilard says, “it is important that the depression does not turn into severe \”pessimistic\” depression, where your self-esteem gets very low and you start feeling worthless. It is normal to be depressed after a loss of any kind, and it is vital that you do not start to blame or get angry at yourself. Grieve – Heal.”
Louri – How can I not blame myself for all my job losses and my present non-life WHEN It is my fault.
For 10- years I was a Paralegal and lost every job..not because I was incompetent….Because I failed to have all the other necessary skills it takes to keep a job. AND I am still unaware of some of my mistakes, if I was aware I would not be doing them. So yeah, I have no one to blame but myself. AND I hate myself for becoming a failure, a loser , a misfit in society. MY shortcomings in the work world as a Paralegal cost me my life. I have no life, no friends, no boyfriend, nothing…I had a breakdown, because I was about to become homeless….Now on disability. Which means I have nothing..but hate for myself, because I failed in life……..hense, misfit in society.
@UNLUCKY7
>Ok, you say you had been nuked 4 times before.
4.5 to be precise. One time they nuked me a few weeks prior to me giving my notice. So it’s really a point 5. I spun out into my own consulting business under the aegis of an old boss and made mone hand over fist until I burnt out. Argh! To rwind back to then, I’d have known not to give in to burn out until I had money stuff in all the mattresses and buried in the back yard. My message to myself then would have been: “Shut u, stupid Buckle down. You can’t afford the luxury of burn out. And, Mister Dumb A Doube Q, Save more!” LOL!
>(1) Did you learn the lesson that the Universe had for you so as not to repeat?
I think so. I’ll ask JA to opine on that. I think I have learned that I can’t take anything personally.
>(2) Does the “Its not you. Its not me. Its them” credo work or help?
I think it helps to get your “boat” righted in heavy seas. There is nothing wrong with “you”, the work you are doing (usually), or the work you could be doing with proper leadership and management. IMHO! There are rarely squares in rounds, left handers in a right hand company, or just you in their “world”.
>(3) Did you learn that it was not your fault that you lost your job….it was “them” not “you” ?
I KNOW it was NOT my fault. I’m not sure I couldn’t have saved it by changing but I don’t think so. I was a casualty of a bad personal decision by a boss who looked out for himself without considering what would happen to his six direct reports. Unintentionally, he killed us. But, he didn’t do it on purpose; he was just oblivious to the politics and after that it was too late. I milked it for two years but eventually that decision nuked me. Argh!
>Can you HELP me out with this Turkey Credo…yes, I am reading about it, still do not get it.
In a few words, it tries to communicate to the turkey that the decision to nuke them may, in fact, have absolutely NOTHING to do with them, the job that they do, or such. The nukers are not bad people (usually). The turkey getting nuked isn’t a bad person. It’s just “barbara streisand” happens and sometimes when the S hits the proverbial fan, the turkey is in front of it. The Credo says in effect: “Clean up, straighten up, and move on.” I think there’s New Testament quite about “dust from your sandals”.
Smile and move on. Learn and thrive. Don’t let the B’s grind you down.
I’ve learned that no matter what happens, it’s not as bad as the first time I got nuke. Because it was the first time and I was unprepared in so many dimensions. I’ve never been caught unprepared since.
Hope this helps,
fjohn
the big fat old turkey hisself
Sue Brettell
Personal brand design and communication
I read your post. WOw, what a story. so sorry. Stress, very very bad. It caused me a 14-month nervous breakdown…no more work for me. What I got out of your post was to look for personal growth in other areas of your life…..not personal damantion of self.
SInce my career got destroyed, resulting in me no longer able to work, I tried to focus on healing me…through exercise. A staple that had always been in my life. However, this winter depression is resulting in some exercise, then getting crippled in my mind, remembering that I destroyed my life..all on my own…because I was/am missing some of the key tools in toolbox to survive.
Yup. Depression does clouds everything.
Support group, never had one. Only person keeping me going was me…And eventually me just me could not do it anymore…I could get a job….just could not keep a job…what a mess.
Tom says, “The sleepless nights, and angst have already started. Depression, Anxiety, Feeling of Worthlessness. Having gone through it once I figured I’d be ready, but its not true. I’ve read that it takes a good 2 years + to get over a layoff, even if you’re gainfully employed. Believe me, it’s true! You have the feeling that someone is always looking over your shoulder.”
Humm..I can relate to a lot of your post. I was a Paralegal and my 2nd job, my attorney/boss reduced my pay to $10/hr because he was not getting enough work out of me. With the support of a wise woman, I went back to work the next day, as my boss was trying to make me quit. When he saw me in there, he freaked..Bottomline, I forced him to fire me. BUT, have always worried ever since when I began a new job….that something bad would happen. ONe look, one negative comment, one lecture to me that the company was all about relationships…all set me off in fear and anxiety…that I was going to get fired for one thing or another. AND I did get fired over and over again. I just did not get how to function in the work world. I did know how to do my job. that is not enough.
Louri says, “I want everyone on here to know a few things – YOU ARE SO VALUABLE, YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER AND PLEASE DO NOT SHUT YOURSELF OUT! Remember when you were a child and everything seemed so majestic and then as an adult you watched the same awe in your childs eyes – give yourself permission to be happy, let your soul-sing, dance like you\\\’ve never danced and know that you will be OK!”
Well, I have been to Sedona…Oh it is great to be able to go somewher eto re-charge the batteries. Very healthy and glad you could go.
I keep hearing from my Aunt….you are valued…etc…Well, its not working…especially now that winter is here and I get seasonal depression. I exercise regularly….until winter hits…then it get sporatic….and yesterday I remembered all my job losses that have brought me to this horrible lack of life I have now…and I crash and burn and beat myself up…..
Jordan says, “but the last thing I feel is mature or professional).”
Been there. It got to the point that I did not even believe I did what was on my resume…BUt I did do what was on my resume.
Brian says, “I go to the gym everyday for an hour or so and come back feeling better about things. My thought process is also quicker and clearer. ”
As a regular runner for 20 years, getting 1 hour of exercise in the morning is a great survival tactic.
Lori says, “My story is somewhat different in that I left my long time position with a software development company when I remarried and had a baby two years ago. We decided that because my husband was doing well, that I would stay at home to care for our baby and I also had two older children by a previous marriage that needed attention. I knew the statistics for 2nd marriages and thought to myself, I could always get a job if something should happen. Needless to say, it happened. My husband wants a divorce and I have been trying to get a job after being out of the job market for two years. Talk about stress and depression.”
How horrible..truely…
to Reinkefj,
Thanks for the time to respond…Yes, it is helpful.
reinkefj says,
(2) Does the “Its not you. Its not me. Its them” credo work or help?
I think it helps to get your “boat” righted in heavy seas. There is nothing wrong with “you”, the work you are doing (usually), or the work you could be doing with proper leadership and management. IMHO! There are rarely squares in rounds, left handers in a right hand company, or just you in their “world”.
THis is my experience I relate the above “credo” to. I was hired in a corporation, paralegal, in the legal department….6 weeks into job, I get lecture that'” this company is about relationships” …fast forward, learned I was hired in the busiest quarter of the the company….a re-structure took place…at end of quarter I was terminated..yes I was a direct hire and given a $1200 x-mas bonus, then out the door, January 6, when it got slow.
3 years later or so…someone says to me….you were not fired, you were used for the busy quarter, then let go…to hold down the fort so to speak…………….
as to “rarely rounds in squares”, there was never an issue with my work….they gave me that B.S. lecture as part of the beginning of the set-up….to terminate me..
No only did they termianate me when work slowed to zip….BUT they messed with my head the whole time I was there….
Nothing wrong with my work…because I was not a “round in a square.”
BUT they messed with my head and made me think I was the “round in a square”
Otherwise, they would have complained about my work. They did not.
All of the “credo”applies. I got left in the dust not knowing what I had done wrong when all along I was hired to serve a short purpose in a busy time.
The company messed with my head and led me to believe I was the “round in a square”
reinkefj say, About the turkey credo. In a few words, it tries to communicate to the turkey that the decision to nuke them may, in fact, have absolutely NOTHING to do with them, the job that they do, or such. The nukers are not bad people (usually). The turkey getting nuked isn’t a bad person. It’s just “barbara streisand” happens and sometimes when the S hits the proverbial fan, the turkey is in front of it. The Credo says in effect: “Clean up, straighten up, and move on.” I think there’s New Testament quite about “dust from your sandals”.
Yeah, well I cleaned up, dusted myself off and moved on. It took me 1 year to find a new job. Ok, I get a job. I think I can turn it around. I think hope again.
Turns out the Company cannot make payroll on a regular basis. Turns out MY paycheck gets jerked and I am due to SIGN a lease on a new apartment that weekend and move in on Monday. I am already out of my last place. Surprise surprise, the owner of my apartment gave me 45 days notice to move as they are going to sell unit. SO I am living in a hotel suite…..fast forward…in good conscience I cannot sign a lease with a company that cannot MAKE PAYROLL….I see financial suicide.
NOW what am I to do. Furniture in storage. Me in a hotel I cannot afford. Cannot sign a lease anywhere because this Company cannot make payroll on a regular basis….YEAH, I am the turkey in front of sh*t that is hitting the fan.
I was stressed out of my mind. No place to live and essentually no job….a job I cannot trust to get paid by on any regualar basis. Few days later the idiot attorneys decide to talk about porno movies, yes porno moves (they are 35, and 1 married with children) SO stressed…this upset me more..I yell at them…blah blah…Boss ask me if this is true. What to do. Say yes…I will get trminated..say no..I can get terminated. WHAT to do…the Company is unstable…and they have made me unstable.
I say no..1 week later I am terminated for “being uncooperative”. What do I care about being co-operative…they are not paying me my due money…cannot trust them…and I have no home..and now no job. WHat job did I have…at that point none…a company that cannot make payroll .
I went downhill from there. Eventually, had a 14-mo nervous breakdown. Never recovered. Yeah..I am messed up big time.
Yes, we can walk into bad situations, we can get fired through no fault of our own, yes we can be part of a company downsizing. AND, worse, we can finally NOT land on our feet.
The stress and instability alone willl near kill you. WITH no emotional support, another killer. YES, I was the turkey who kept landing in sh*t. I am the “turkey” that got shot and DISABLED for life.
I am a scared, lonely person stuck renting a room in a house with an “alcoholic”. I am abandoned by my family because I am a failure. A “misfit” in society as my mother called me.
Yes, I am the turkey. Everything went wrong and it was not all my fault.
More nuking of the turkey.
So I am out of a job again. NOW, company will not give me my paycheck. I move into the roach motel. Yes, I had to call the state hotel agency to get the exterminator over. I have to sue my company for my money. Yes, 3 months later I get to court and win and get my money.
Move out of roach motel to another motel. Yes, I am now a transient. Get a job at a national plumbing company. Get hit on weekly by lead plumber. THEN get threatend with ASSAULT by another plumber because I speak with a college educated voive..Then I get fired. Again. Boyfriend leaves me. He was a loser anyway. Things a girl puts up with when desperate.
Move to another motel. I am living in S. Florida you see. Lets see, a live drug bust outside my window. DEA running around with guns. Too much. My poor nerves…Living there is unstable. Of course.
Can’t find a job. A few temp jobs. THEN I realize this is hopeless. I am now living off credit cards to pay the overhead. I am in deep trouble. Parents won’t let me come home. I am on the verge of suicide.
Finally, a male friend steps in and tells me to come back to Delaware and stay with him rent free. Not strings attached. And there were not.
FInally move in with parents. Get a job. 6 months into job, yes I can do the job, but the stress is turning me into a nervous wreck..get out of that job. Get new job. 3 months in, boss tells me he is leaving for better position and my position will be eliminated.
Parents start going nuts. Call Police on me hoping they can get me put away in the “nut hut” permanently. That does not work.
SO, even though I got a part-time job, 5pm to 9pm, it is still not enough for them. They throw me out of the house, change the locks. I am broke. Go to motel, use credit card. Stress, and more stress. I almost fell apart there. A male friend and my brother came over to visit. Stress and fear has been unbelievable. OH, this turnkey is getting nuked and nuked and nuked from all angles. Yeah, I am at the shooting range and being shot at, and they are not missing.
Get out newspaper. Move into house to live in the room for rent. Find out homeowner, who lives there is alcholic.
And within a month I have the nervous breakdown. Everything is out of control, and I have been and was under too too much stress. And never recovered. Finally, after ending in up in Critial Care Unit of hospital, because my heart was about to stop. Low, low, low potassium. Parents show up. Promise me a better life. AND here I am, still living in the crazy house with the alcoholic, on disability, and no hope.
As to parents promises….lies lies and more lies..I am abandoned again. ANd have not recovered since 2/07. I tried , I tried and tried again, and again. BUt every winter I fall down..and this winter is killing me.
Oh, this turkey is beyond nuked.
I was strangely relieved to find this website. I’m so sorry for everyone who has posted, but as it’s been pointed out, it’s always good to know that you aren’t alone in the intensity of your feelings.
I left a job I loved in October. Let me qualify that statement: I was doing a JOB I loved, but my employer was abusing people because of the “recession”. I traveled weekly for my position, but in the last year, my travel nearly doubled. I was working 7 day work weeks (salaried position) and incredibly, my employer added MORE to my assignment list. I was exhausted, miserable, and getting physically ill from the change in time zones, climates, etc. In addition, my sister was hospitalized for several months and when I asked for a lesser load for a while to be available more to my family, I was told this wasn’t possible for at least another year. Constantly reminded that I was lucky to have a job, even at the expense of my health. The thing is, my company wasn’t losing business, but attracting it at warp speed. There was no economic reason for the dramatically increased work loads or hiring freeze. I chose family and resigned. I naively thought that being a diligent and experienced employee in clinical research would pay off in the end.
I was fortunate enough to land a local job at about half my salary. After prayerful consideration, I thought this was a good move, but the job is horrible, the atmosphere toxic, and I’m more miserable than I was before. I know I should be grateful to have a job at all………it’s just hard when the enviroment is both dishonest and unprofessional. Harder still to know what you love, know where your passion lies, but feel that there are no opportunities available. I wonder if there ever will be again and I’m starting to get angry.
I was a good employee. I worked hard and therefore garnered more and more responsibility. I never said No to an assignment and I seriously took pride in a job well done. I had a positive attitude and never complained. I just folded under the impossible demands. I’m only one person. I don’t understand why good performance isn’t rewarded with at least some compassion and understanding.
I know my bills are paid and maybe it sounds terrible for me to complain now, but I have honestly never been more miserable. I have enough saved to be off work for a few months if I opt to resign (again) and dedicate my efforts full-time to finding a position I love. But I’m afraid after reading these forums and my faith, the one aspect that always made me believe the impossible WAS possible, is starting to wane. I feel like I screwed up my entire life by putting myself and family first for a change. I feel like this decision will be viewed as a “weakness” or an inability to do my job. In short, I’m confidence-free and feeling like the biggest screw-up ever. The idea of spending a lifetime where I am seriously makes me consider things I never thought would cross my mind.
Thanks for reading and I sincerely wish everyone on this forum the best.
The beginning of the end….I moved to Miami with a job…After several interviews on the telephone..It was concluded that it would be worth the time, money to fly down for an interview…GOTTA SAY that meeting the person in-person is kinda wierd after telephone interviews..HE offered the job to me..Put the Offer in writing…I signed a lease on an condo unit..and moved to MIAMI.
I lasted, at best, 10 days there..HIS personality changed when I went to the job. OF course it did not help that I was 40 minutes late on the 1st day..yeah…I had just driven 2 days to get to Miami..it was 18 hours…He knew that as I called when I landed in Miami..the day before I was to start work..I apolized profusely…and the next day I was early..and never late again…
I greeted him Good Morning the next day…He remained stone cold to me…very un-nerving for a new job….He never really gave me any real work to do during the 10 days…except to take telephone messages..re-program the computer…which failed..even with assistance..and make a call regarding the homeowner’s insurance policy for a real estate closing due any day..
He started to pick fight with me at end of day..Said I DID NOT know anything… I backed away frm conflict…
THEN he told me to leave in middle of day..and there was no one there but me and him…a set-up to tell Unemployment that I quit…I told him I need a termination letter…He called the POLICE..AND when it was on record that I was terminated…I left.
WHY would somone to that to a person they hired..she moved all the way to MIAMI…signed lease..and then stay stone cold to me…and FIRE ME????????????????
Dear Unlucky7,
I’m so sorry for your ordeal. It sounds like it was a mismatch from the beginning. It’s too bad you couldn’t have checked out the place before you moved there. Also what the person was like before you started work there. Sounds like he wanted you to quit too. All I can say is this is a very strange job market. I thought back in September that I had found the perfect job. I got the offer in writing too plus the company paid my health benefits. But you never know. It was a small company and people all seemed nice. However, a month after I took the job, the company couldn’t pay the rent and we were told to work out of our homes. I should have seen the handwriting on the wall. I even went to a company Christmas party too. In January, I was laid off due to the economy. My supervisor called me with the bad news. I’ve gone on a few face to face interviews but nothing to date. I’ve even had scheduled phone interviews and guess what? I’ve confirmed the time and date, and the potential employer has not called me. I think as a result of my bad experience, I ask more questions and really observe the surroundings if I am lucky enough to get called in for an interview. That being said, you have to realize there are a lot of bad jobs out there now. If I have any indication that something isn’t right, call it a gut feeling, then I don’t take the job. I’ve made some mistakes too but call it a learning experience. I am finding there are so many people applying for a few jobs. it’s all very depressing. It’s really unfortunate that you had to move and then have a bad experience. I feel your pain. I think all of the unemployed are dealing with a very difficult job market now. You may never know the answers to your questions, and unfortunately, it’s an employers’ market right now. My best wishes to you.
I’m coming at this from a different angle. I feel bad as I never lost my job like other people, but developed depression and anxiety in my job at the end of 2008 thanks to a combination of a horrible boss with impossible demands and career burn out. In desperation and panic I applied for and was offered a highly competitive but entry level training position in a different city that I knew I did not really want and would not like, but it was all I could get. Six months later I was having a mental breakdown, unable to cope with the stress and depression of the relocation, lonelyness and isolation in the new city, loss of status, huge work demands (a requirement to complete a masters degree whilst as working full time, even though I have a undergraduate degree and a PhD) and was contemplating suicide so I left. I moved back to my old city and had to take three months down time just to recover. I’ve only just started job hunting properly this month and the rejections are piling in. I’ve never been unemployed in the 12 years since I left university. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I am so scared for the future, especially as I don’t want to go back to the career I was in.
And so it is. The almighty job search. It’s been over a year for me. I left my fabulous job after exhausting an FMLA leave to care for my terminally ill mother. I knew it was a risk, but, I’d made a promise to care for her until the end. I took out a home equity line of credit when her funds ran out and the medical bills kept rolling in. Then the housing market crashed. Mom lived another 2 years during which time I drew from retirement and 401k funds to make ends meet. My job search efforts have yet to materialize and my house just foreclosed. Talk about the neck or the wrists? How about the grand canyon with lead pantaloons… it’s a brutal world these days. Network, brand, twitter, beg, scream and holler. It’s a numbers game: 300:1. And if you’re over 50, forget about it. So, I’ve started a house cleaning business. It’s honorable work and I can give myself a daily bailout and buy groceries.
Well, its now nearly 2 years since I lost my job. At 67 I have no prospects of finding work, and I’ve been told TO MY FACE that “you’ve been out of work too long to find work”, or “your skills aren’t good enough to find work in your same field”. but I’m either overqualified or underqualified for every job. I read 20-40 incoming email alerts every day in addition to maintaining contact with several agencies. I’ve had to BEG some of then for second interviews to meet the conditions of my unemployment, and I am so afraid now that I have to send in monthly reports to unemployment, that they might think I’m not doing enough. My unemployment ends mid-November but I do have Social Security. AND I just found out that my type of Medicare doesn’t cover ANY type of anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds without prior approval and then only on a shorter-term basis. I hate to start applying for jobs I know i’m not qualified for but I may have to even do that.
No one wants older people to work. I dont want a career, I want a damn job. I’ve only recently realized how much stress I’ve put myself under. I’m trying to deal with that…….trying not to touch the savings or 401k (I hope to live a much longer life and I’ll need that money).
Nearly forgot. Job listings – most of them – are bogus. Companies in my state are required by law to publicly post their jobs, even if they know the jobs will be filled internally. so that cuts out many of the jobs. And can you tell me why a filing clerk needs a college degree. Its almost like companies are telling us that we are worthless.
Karen:
I’ve been out of work for almost 8 months and have had 5 interviews during this time. I see the same jobs posted and when I go to networking groups the same people are there. One group I went to had over 200 people. I took my resume off Monster as I was getting a lot of “scam” type emails and calls. One was the Nigerian scam where they send you a check to deposit. I reported the company. Like you Karen, I’ve experienced age discrimination. I had an interview with one company and I drove half an hour to get there. The interviewer only spent 10 minutes with me and didn’t even look at my resume. I have not given up hope, however. Recently, I went into Best Buy and a man with gray hair waited on me. I told him I could not afford to buy anything as I’m out of work. He told me he was out of work over a year and then got his job with Best Buy. He told me he was 67. I think the key is to find employers who value older workers. Now I am concentrating on myself. I will be taking some computer classes and also doing volunteer work. AARP has a program to help those workers who are looking for work and I will volunteer for them. Sometimes you can hear about job openings via volunteer work. This is a tough economy. I wish you all the best.
Lane, thanks for the kind words. I’m actually taking a vacation (that I really should be spending money on) tomorrow for 10 days…..A lot of “THINK TIME”. As I will be on Extended Benefits, I have to rethink how I job search. I’ve had a few of my agencies say that I can come in and see them again. Now lets see if they follow through with their promises. I volunteered some last year, and when I contacted a couple of MAJOR charities in NYC, they said they werent taking on any volunteers over the summer (really?). NY Cares – all the good volunteer positions seems to be gone almost before they get on the website. I am signed up for orientation with Red Cross in October. Then my unemployment is up in November. Honestly, if we had a Wal-Mart, I’d go there.
Dear Birdy, Palpitating Paula, and Karen E:
Birdy — have you considered doing online freelance writing while you recover from your experiences? It will bring in a little cash, not a lot, but little is better than none. You have a Ph.D, so you definitely can write. If this interests you, consider visiting this Linkedin group for internet content writers — membership in Linkedin is free:
https://www.linkedin.com/groups?mostPopular=&gid=2827548
Anyone else interested in doing freelance online writing is welcome to check out this group.
Paula: more power to you starting your own business! And many blessings for taking care of your deceased mother! I went back to a freelance career that I used to work in when jobs in my current field vaporized in the bad economy. Sorry about your house — I had to give up my apartment, so you are not alone!
Karen E: I share your frustration — I’m a Baby Boomer — so being older is held against me — but I envy you having Social Security and Medicare — I won’t be eligible for either one for several years yet. So you have something to rely on, even though it is maddening to be refused jobs when you are willing to work because of your age — I go through the same thing —
Two books I’ve found helpful:
1. “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For,” by M.J. Ryan and
2. “The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want,” by Sonja Lyubomirsky
Both books talk about how to maintain a positive attitude in truly yucky situations.
Cordially,
Struggling To Stay Positive
For all of us going through these tough economic times, struggling to find work, paying a mortgage or rent, putting kids through college and food on the table, REMEMBER not to vote REPUBLICAN in November.
Below is commentary by a noted Republican academic and media celebrity, Ben Stein, characterizing those of us who are unemployed.
Ben Stein:
“The people who have been laid off and cannot find work are generally people with poor work habits and poor personalities. I say “generally” because there are exceptions. But in general, as I survey the ranks of those who are unemployed, I see people who have overbearing and unpleasant personalities and/or who do not know how to do a day’s work.
They are people who create either little utility or negative utility on the job. Again, there are powerful exceptions and I know some, but when employers are looking to lay off, they lay off the least productive or the most negative. To assure that a worker is not one of them, he should learn how to work and how to get along — not always easy.”
Wow, Ben Stein really wrote that (Brian’s post, above) in July, 2010.
My bet is that Ben knows more people who have caused layoffs than been hit by one.
It’s part of a larger post you can read here in Ben’s column in the conservative publication, the American Spectator:
https://spectator.org/archives/2010/07/19/the-end-of-wishful-thinking
Unfortunately, a fair portion of people do believe that being laid off has something to do with not being a good enough worker. Anyone who has been through a layoff knows that is not true, but…
Clearly, lack of knowledge doesn’t keep ignorant people with visibility from sharing their destructive ideas.
CBS News still has him on Sunday Morning. Amazing!