I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.
I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).
But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.
First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.
In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.
This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control. But even when you have a high locus of control, depression clouds everything.
The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.
Depression Clouds Everything Especially with Life Hitting Us from Every Which Way
And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.
When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN – it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”
But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded because I was desperate. And, depression clouds everything
Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.
It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!
Depression Clouds Everything Even How We Would Normally Think
I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.
A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.
Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.
His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.”
I was speechless. This was a big part of why I needed to write this Depression Clouds Everything post.
For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.
The Enemy of Depression Is Hope
I’m updating this post in 2022. I want to preserve much of the original post since it resonated so much with people, and because it is a snapshot of where I was in my growth journey.
Years after I wrote this Depression Clouds Everything post I met Dick Bolles in person. I was fortunate to get some time with him at a restaurant. It was, I can say, life changing. Please read this post about that lunch, and why it impacted me.
I’m not going to say that understanding options, or having more hope, will eliminate depression. That would be too simplistic. But I know that having options, having something to hope for, can change how you feel and think. I went through that. Options found me, my hope went from zero to a hundred, and depression melted away. You can’t force this on anyone, or yourself, but it’s an awesome dynamic that might help.
I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post, Depression Clouds Everything, or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.
I’ve posted a few times before, whne I have something worth saying. I wanted to share a miracle or hope or glimmer, whatever YOU want to call it. Backstory, I moved to TX 3 years ago for a better life, I’ve had more job loss in the three years I’ve been here than in the lifetime I lived in CA. For some reason it’s harder to find work out here and I know I’m not the only one that feels that way.
Anyhow, just when I thought I was getting ahead I got laid off AGAIN. Well, here is ther rest of the story that took place over the last 48 hours.
In a strange twist of events, the kind that only happen to me, my friend and I were laid off from the same company on the same day. We were shell-shocked. My friend gave my resume to a CEO that she was interviewing with two weeks ago. They hired someone else for the position she interviewed for, but I met with the CEO yesterday and by the end of the interview he was contemplating offering both her and I a job. The caveat was that neither of us wants to be in a position where we’re laid of in 6 months, a year or 18 months.
A short time ago he called and offered me a job and asked me to call my friend and offer her a job as well. We both had to take a smaller salary for the short term, but have been promised that increases would start in fall. Only I could get an interview from someone else’s interview and still get us both hired.
I was just beginning to plan for the loss of my house and my car and figure out how my family and I would make it through. I was in a dark place ignoring most friends and contact from those outside my immediate family. Instead I was given a miracle. It happens, and no matter how bad it is for any one person right now HOPE is something that should always remain. No matter how small the shred of hope is, hold on to one piece of it. I wish all of you on this board the best – I know it’s hard living day to day, but you aren’t alone and I will continue to keep you all in my prayers.
OMG, Cynthia. Thanks for the glimmer of hope. Thank You, Hun. I appreciate you.
Yes, we have to hold on for sure. My unemployment benefits have ended; my income is reduced, although I’m working part-time. I still hold out hope. I have been given more responsibility at my part-timer. I am a trainer (of new employees) and supervisor now. I sent my resume to a friend of my sister’s who is a significant at an employment agency. Please say your prayers for me. I need something soon….I’m willing to start my own cleaning service and window washing business…it’ll be happening soon. I need $$$$.
To all: hang in. We can do this with the support of each other.
Linda
~ Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible. ~ Anon.
~ We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. ~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
~ Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory. ~ Norman Vincent Peale
I wish you all hope as you support each other. This page of comments has turned into quite the discussion. We can’t do this thing alone. Blessings to you. There is hope!
– Merri Ellen
My unemployment is “half over”. and I got “The letter” from unemployment wanting to know what I was doing as far as job searching. I’m sure the next step is a personal interview where they may tell me that I’m not doing enough to search (I AM DOING WHAT I CAN DO!) and they will cut me off.
May 13 is my last severance check so I will be living on unemployment for 12 weeks…then I will have no income til October when I collect SocSEc (I could collect NOW but I will get more money if I want).
Its getting to the point that I am not even getting AGENCY interviews. An agency “claims” an interest…talks to me on phone….then….nothing……………….How many follow-up emails is too many. I’m beginning to think I’ll have to take a job for just about min. wage when my unemployment runs out. The min. wage job wont even pay my monthly expenses.
THEY just dont understand the value of older workers and what we can bring to the table. Heck, I’m looking for a JOB – even temp – not even a career…even the TEMP agencies are not helping me. I KNOW there ARE jobs out there. I get search alerts every day. You cant tell me there’s not a filing or reception job (a BIG step down from what I did) that I can do.
I can easily see how people get depressed. I dont think I’m quite there yet……..But I need to conquer the “eating thing”…..
Hang in, Karen. There is emergency umemployment which kicks in after you exhaust reg. benefits. At least I got it in my State. I wouldn’t be too concerned about the letter…I’m sure you’ve documented your search…and that’s all they want to know…that you are trying. I’ve had the same experience with the agencies as you. I’m thinking it’s the age thing also; can’t think anything else with the experience I have. I’m only working part-time and I asked for more hours yesterday until I can get SOMETHING, like ANYTHING, at this point!
Linda
Excellent comments. The job market is terrible and I continue to search without any success. I am going on 9 months and nothing promising. Being a senior level professional is not helping since employers are looking to fill positions with lower salaried and entry level type positons Maybe its the field I am in (Industrial Safety and Health). That is my story but back to depression. Depression is more common than you think and if you begin to develope changes in behavior that you even think are related to depression seek help. It is easy enough to get information on symptoms by searching the web. When I lost my job depression set in very quickly and I denied it for 3-4 months before I (with some coaching from my wife) finally realized this is for real. I finally decided to get professional help. With proper treatment things are a lot better but every day is a struggle. Women are much better at seeking out help but men tend to deny anthing is wrong. Don’t make that mistake.
Lou
Great comments, Lou. I’m glad you got the help you needed.
Update: I just got back from an interview with the executive over administrative jobs at a top agency. I am feeling very positive. She has something for me after June 3rd, a temp position. The pay is not as much as I’m used to, but it’s a job. I also felt a kinship with her because she’s probably close to my age so I felt that she would try to find a fit for me and that age wouldn’t be a drawback. The interview went well.
My part-time position, working nights, is going great. I made more in sales commissions last week than my regular pay and I put in a few hours last Saturday which helped. I’m also now a ‘trainer’ of new employees and I work as a supervisor on the floor some nights.
As some of you know, I’m the person who moved in with my sister because of running out of money. It is going well and I’ve been able to give her money every month for my staying here. I feel blessed.
We have said that it’s important to post also when positive things are happening, so that’s the reason for this post. I’ve been down to, what I felt, was my lowest point, feeling helpless and hopeless after a year from losing my job. I am getting my hope and my confidence back finally.
Linda
Hi Linda wishing you the best of luck. Often when an interview goes well we instinctively know we are a serious candidate. I haven’t written in awhile. I got the first job I interviewed for. I started this week. It was a significant pay cut and benefits won’t start until September. It is really not my dream job so I am continuing to look. I had a very promising interview last week with a stunning company. The location is perfect, the salary is very good and the benefits are even better than my last management job. The wait is killing me. They are taking their time staffing up a rather new department. HR has told me the process may take weeks. But I am hopeful. I am praying various prayers for employment. I am praying for all of you as well. Best regards, Maryellen
Thank you Marye!
I’m praying you get the call from the stunning company very soon!! Please post when you do!
Linda
I read Jason’s blog more than 7 months ago and bookmarked it, so moved by his honesty and by those who also posted. I’ve read the outpouring of those who continue to pour out their stories. I wanted to wait to share my story to see what the passage of time would do over a 7 month period.
The incredible sense of worthlessness and that I have no value despite so many other positive things in my life is what strikes me as the saddest thing of all. Was my job really that important to me? I am having to face up and say that it was. We are limited in our means and carry way too much debt that needs to be paid and it limits us certainly, but the smack of not even getting a response to resume after resume being sent out is just raw.
The loneliness that sets in when everyone goes out; my husband to work, my son to school and I in an unfamiliar place that I had to move to (and therefore leave the job I did have) to come here; know no one. I know that the recommendation is to meet people, sign up for things, but as a very independent woman who is used to providing for herself and her family, cutting costs is at a premium.
I am in the place that so many of you are on too many days – wanting to lie in bed and not get up – sometimes ever. I feel like a burden, despite the efforts that I make. I see professionals for depression, knowing the battle is ongoing and I have to watch it carefully.
But this is what I am learning; I am learning to think outside the box (which is also terrifying as a person who is afraid that sometimes she isn’t thinking straight because she spends too much time alone). Although I have a professional degree and a long employment history as a professional, I applied and was accepted to a PhD program (highly respected program and given a full ride). I am not sure that this is really what I want to do-given the time investment and the area that I would have to reside in and I’m not sure about my ultimate drive to obtain this, but I have until the fall to continue to look into options. I keep applying, applying and applying to jobs in my field.
Recently I sprung to life when I realized that my husband and I separately (before we were married) have had a life long dream to run a B & B and life in a specific place in New England. Since life is throwing so many sticky wickets into what appear to be attempts at ‘sound and safe” planning , is it so far fetched to let the dream begin now; To begin planning responsibly, researching every possibility?
Is it possible to turn this horrible fear and loathing into liberation and go “forward into the direction of our dreams”?(as Eleanor Roosevelt would say).
Jason, there is a book I read when “my world fell apart” after 9/11: lost my nonprofit client base when the stock market collapsed, had health issues, lost my mother and two close friends within 20 days, and was job-hunting…kind of like now.
She wrote the book (and became an expert in thriving despite loss) after her youngest brother died in a freak medical accident and HER world collapsed. So it has that “been there” authenticity about how to deal with panic attacks, how to increase your resources to manage stress and avoid depression, how to start envisioning a different future, and more.
It’s a comforting resource that I recommend highly. I still keep my dog-eared copy on my bedstand. In fact I moved it to my purse last week for support when I had a terrible situation to deal with.
I totally understand what everyone is going through. Im not as high a level as Lou, but I’ve been out of work since late-Oct 2008…..No prospects of work. agencies blow me off (“yes, we will take your resume, but dont call us, we’ll call you”). I’ve had several do that to me……..in all the time of active searching I’ve only had one interview for a temp job and then they never called and the agency “claimed” they never got back to THEM.
Agencies tell me how great I am, “but times are slow”…..and then THEY also never contact me. I totally understand the depression issue, and I may ask my doctor about this. My problem is at the end of this month I lose my health insurance and will have to rely on Medicare. I’ll need to find out of Medicare pays for that type of treatment.
Meanwhile I AM GOING ON VACATION IN SEPTEMBER (10 days – Mexico). I know its foolish to spend the money (I DO have savings), but since I have that to look forward to, it helps me get thru the CRAP!.
But I NEED to work. The BOREDOM is getting to me. I am going next week to an orientation for NY Cares..you cant volunteer with them unless you do orientation. If I cant get PAID for work, I’ll keep busy with some sort of volunteerism. It will keep me from going crazy (LOL!)
Hi All,
Just checking in. I have done two 12-hour workdays the past two. Yes, I have found a job! I was hired and started my new job on Monday. The pay is about 10K below what I used to make, it’s starting out at two days a week with the promise it will go full-time very soon. I’m still working my part-time job at night five days a week and occasionally I work a Saturday (been doing this for the past almost ten months now). It’s not the ideal, especially the pay, but when it goes full-time and gets rolling, there is good growth potential. So, I am positive and excited! It’s good to have a daytime job again, along with my nighttime one!
I know my situation may not be exactly what everyone else is going through. It’s been a struggle for me for over a year now. I’m not a know-it all for sure and I don’t have all the answers. Over this past year, the one thing I would say that has helped was taking the part-time job and just continuing to plug away and move forward. Sometimes it would be only baby steps. The part-time job allowed me to just “get out there” and connect with people and provided some needed structure to my Life while I continued looking for work and, of course, it paid bills.
I’m still stuggling and living with a family member. I’m struggling to get back on my feet still and be able to have a place of my own again one of these days. I just wanted to share the news that I have a new job!
Thanks to all of you and, especially to you, Jason, for all the support here,
Linda
Hi All!
I see that i am not alone in this Great Depression II. However, enough is enough! I am actually beginning to feel angry rather than frustrated!
I have been out of work for over 6 months. I have gone on endless interviews, but not offers. I have tried everything under the sun to the best of my ability. I work with 10 recruiters. I apply for jobs myself from Career Builder, Craig’s List, Companies website, etc. The effort that I have put into this dreadful search is countless!
My field is in Accounting. I have been doing audits since an intern in college. I am in my mid – late 20s. Not having a career and cash inflows have shot my ego to hell! Truthfully, I don’t know if I will ever will be able to find a job i my field again. What if I am unemployed for the rest of my life? I fear that I will never be able to purchase my dream home, get married, have a safety net for emergencies, etc. I currently do not have any type of insurance because I can’t afford it.
Besides job hunting, I have been trying to keep busy. I am currently studying for the CPA exam. It’s one nasty test! Some days I just don’t even feel motivated to do it because of so negative emotions. I feel like, what’s the point.
People keeps telling me be optimistic, stay focused, keep busy, be productive! I have been doing all those things, but you know what?! I am done doing those things. I am so tired and drained! Where do I gain more energy to do all the above? How? How can I get back there? I’ve lost it!
I am not your typical gal. I have a lot of responsibilities. I have been supporting my disable mother since the age of 13. I have never, not work since the age of 13. Not to mention I have a younger sister who is a college student and is helping me out with bills, when I should be the one supporting her! What a damn shame! I thank God for a loving family, but that is just not enough to survive in this world!
People say I am not alone. It happened to others as well. Oh really? Well, than why are there still people with a job? I NEVER compare myself to those that are in my situation. I look up in society because I have too much potential to be in this situation. I have excellent work ethics and it shows in my work reviews. If they can have a job, so I can I. So what is wrong with me? Have I been kidding myself?
Who can relate to me? Why me? If i come from a wealthy family maybe I wouldn’t feel this low. But we’re not RICH and rest assures you I am barely making it day by day. I have CC debts that I can barely pay right now. I have a small chump change in my savings that will run out soon. I fee like I am just waiting for the last ending of the world to come.
I don’t know if it will help, but there might be some articles on my blog that can help you crack into this line of thought. Stop with the positive thinking, I quite agree. There is a misconception that it will help, but research shows that it is actually quite harmful. It leads to anger and burnout when reality doesn’t comport with the “positive” view. It prevents you from deploying strategies that work better in a crisis.
What stress psychology has found works better (I have some articles about this on my blog) is to focus on increasing your own resources, not just on deploying them. Otherwise you burn out and get increasingly angry. My favorite book on the subject is “Staying on Top When Your World Falls Apart,” by Katherine Cramer, Ph.D. The book has fantastic ideas about how to It’s the only way to survive a long bad spell. It is available on Amazon.
Recessions don’t go on forever. You might consider offering your services as a freelance bookkeeper, auditor, etc. to help you get through until full time jobs open up. We are all far more than what we do for a living — and deepening our understanding of that is one of the things that can help us make it through.
Hi Linda,
Just saw your post and CONGRATS! I know I haven’t been postig but I am so happy for you. Do good and prosper!
Dana
Hi Susan!
Thank you for your post. It was very well written. Thank you! Finally someone understands what I am feeling. I am tired of hearing people telling me to think positive! I have always been known as confident, high-strong, optimistic, etc. Now is the opposite, but I just don’t show it. I do a pretty good job at hiding my feelings.
Are you sure the book is not called, “Staying on Top When Your World Turns Upside down”? I could not locate the book, “Staying on Top When Your World Falls Apart,” by Katherine Cramer, Ph.D. Please help if you can. I am very interested in reading this book. I need a piece of mind! Really! I am losing it!
Susan, I would like to think that I am so much more than what I do for a living, but it’s not true for me. Having a career gives me power, strength, confidence, and happiness. When I can be this person again, I am capable of doing just about anything else! It’s the income and my ability to contribute my skills, and the endless experience that truly makes me happy! On days like this, I can’t even give my love to my boyfriend or family.
Susan, are you in the corporate world by any chance? I am just curious. Thank you for writing!
Sometimes I just want to give up the job search. it is so DAMN (sorry) frustrating. But I know I’m not the only one. And despite what I try to convince myself, I’m sure my current medical problems are all Stress-Related. But since I have no insurance right now (COBRA ran out and I havent gotten my Medicare ADvantage card yet – and I couldnt get anyone on the phone to answer what’s happening with my enrollment), I cant even go to the doctor.
But I have signed up with NY Cares to do some volunteer work. I even volunteered to come help them in their office with data entry. If I can find one project per week….at least that will get me out among the humans again (as opposed to interaction with Cable TV).
I’m very happy to hear that some peeps have gotten some type of employment. I know one is not supposed to say “I’ll take anything” but at this point I would, as long as I dont have to stand all day.
Hi Dana!
Thank you so very much!
Great post, Susan!
Discouraged: I feel your pain; I’ve been there. If you haven’t already, call the credit card companies. I did. One of mine had already gone to collection. They put me on a hardship program where I paid a lower amount and, after a period of time, it comes out of collection. See if you can get on a hardship plan and ask them to work with you etc.
Linda
I know first hand how devastating job loss. This happened to me and was the catalyst for my divorce and loss of my children. It put me in a very long term “funk” which took me a long time to recognize.
I just lost my job again and hope to avoid the depths to which I fell back then.
Glenn
I have been out of work for almost 7 months. I break down from time to time. Today is one of them. I couldn’t focus on being positive anymore. The 7 month gap is not going to look good on my resume. I need to secure a new position in my field and close the gap ASAP. But it’s been a stuggle for me. I went on endless interviews and no offers.
I have gone great lengths to network and apply for jobs. Even that is going slow. People say good things happens to good people. I’d like to think that this crisis is a blessing in disguise, but it’s been more like a nightmare came true.
I feel like I am physically alive, but my soul is truly dead.
Dear Friends:
I noticed that I forgot to give the website address of Dr. Phil’s “Lifeline Gallery: Stories of Hope and Recovery” mentioned in my previous post.
The web address is:
https://www.lifeline-gallery.org/
Dear Friends:
Here’s a list of resources that have helped me, and maybe they might be useful to you and some other people reading this message thread —
Books (mostly available on http://www.amazon.com as paperbacks for pennies if you buy a used copy. If you can’t afford to buy one, even for pennies, ask a friend or family member to purchase it for you):
1. “Getting Up When You’re Feeling Down,” by Dr. Harriet Braiker — a wise book, written for women dealing with a depression, but men can benefit from it as well.
2. “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,” by Dr. David Burns — a collection of useful techniques for dealing with depressing moods and shifting into a more positive outlook.
3. “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: Time-Tested Methods for Conquering Worry,” by Dale Carnegie — an “oldie but goodie” written during the Great Depression and WWII, full of basic techniques for diminishing worry thoughts and focusing on solving problems.
4. “Happy for No Reason,” by Marci Shimoff — summary of her interviews with “100” people, many of them now “New Age” teachers, who had various techniques for being happy even in really, really bad situations.
5. “The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want,” by Sonja Lyubomirsky — summarizes basic optimistic thought techniques that have been tested by rigorous scientific research — the author is a research psychologist — the techiques are very simple and almost ridiculously easy.
The author summarizes research that shows that positive thinking, even in very negative situations, improves your life. Brain research indicates that as you shift to positive thoughts, new neural pathways are created in your brain, gradually making negative pathways less powerful.
6. “Learned Optimism: How To Change Your Mind and Your Life” by Dr. Martin Seligman. One of the first books of the new scientific “positive psychology” movement, discussing how to shift a person’s pervasive pessimistic thinking to optimistic thinking.
7. “The Miracle of Mind Dynamics,” by Rev. Dr. Joseph Murphy — for Christians and other people inclined to spirituality, an “oldie but goodie” connecting prayer and meditation with ways to increase positive thinking.
8. “Building Your Self-Image and the Self-Image of Others,” by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin — for Jews and other people inclined to spirituality, a very good mix of practical instruction on maintaining positive thought patterns in a spiritual context, even in really bad situations.
Websites:
1. The Good News Network — good news not covered by the mainstream media —
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/
2. Positive Thinking Radio — really good free podcasts to listen to when times are tough —
https://positivethinkingradio.com/
3. Positive Psychology News — free daily email newsletters on positive thinking techniques from the new scientific positive psychology movement
https://positivepsychologynews.com/
4. American Happiness Association — provides free resources, such as teleconferences, for people who are having a tough time —
https://www.americanhappiness.org/
Finally, for everyone who may be feeling so depressed that suicide is looking good or someone you care about may be reaching that point:
1. “Suicide: Read This First” — a no-nonsense website that speaks directly and respectfully to peoples’ pain
https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
2. “Lifeline Gallery: Stories of Hope and Recovery” — a website containing podcasts from people who either attempted or survived suicide attempts; also contacts podcasts from family and friends dealing with the aftermath of suicide attempts and completed suicides of friends and family members.
Website is sponsored by Dr. Phil, the podcasts are free to listen to, and other resources are provided on the website.
3. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline — practical, common sense website filled with free resources for people dealing with a suicidal crisis, including a free 1(800) line to call.
https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/Default.aspx
4. Suicide.org — a very kindly, warm website jammed with resources for people feeling suicidal and people trying to help suicidal family members
https://www.suicide.org/
Discouraged, I hope that you and anyone else reading this resources list may find some of them helpful. I wanted to “give back” as this message thread as been so helpful to me.
Many blessings to everyone on this message thread.
don’t forget the public library as a possible source!
Hi Struggling,
Just had to thank you for this! Thanks for helping as we all go through our times! ~Linda~
Dear Linda:
My pleasure!
Great post! Especially in these “down times”, it can be easy to think that you are going through something unique. The reality is that many many other people are going through exactly the same thing. Knowing that you aren’t alone can be the first step to realizing that, even though you are going through tough times, you don’t have to feel/act like you are.
One of the greatest things I learned is that “you have to do the job you want before you get the job you want”. In other words, you will always have a job in front of you. By focusing on that job–and doing it as well as you possibly can–you create an “aura” of responsibility and focus that literally attracts the perfect job to you (as well as unexpected income solutions you may not have considered before).
So, even if you are unemployed, look around you: what is the job that is right in front of you (whether or not there is a salary attached to it)? Do that job to the best of your ability. You will find that it helps keep you occupied, focused, and will open new doors for you.
Join the conversation at https://wcayw.com Let me know what resources would help you personally and I’ll find them and post them on my site. Have a productive day! 🙂
Stephen,
Wow! I couldn’t have put it into words like you did! “One of the greatest things I learned is that “you have to do the job you want before you get the job you want”. In other words, you will always have a job in front of you. By focusing on that job–and doing it as well as you possibly can–you create an “aura” of responsibility and focus that literally attracts the perfect job to you (as well as unexpected income solutions you may not have considered before).”
I never expected I would ever take the job I took almost nine months ago..I have done it to the best of my ability….I was called in last week and got a raise and the official title of supervisor. Who woulda thought? I also was lucky enough to land another daytime job with great potential for more income. Yes, I’m working two jobs now and it does get hectic but I’m grateful for them. My advice to anyone, in this economy, is to take a job…it may not be the your ideal job, but, take it, do your best, and keep looking, and, as you said, it WILL open other doors!
Thanks for this!
I have been through the work ringer on and off for the last several years. I moved my family 1500 miles from home for a fresh start and better opportunities. Let me say that the mess followed us.
Little by little things fall into place, but I still need help from friends and sometimes depend on the kindness of strangers. I posted a link to a website; Angel Food Ministries. I was embarased by the though of needing assistance from a food bank, but more embarrassed that I couldn’t feed my family.
Angel Food has been a godsend. For $30 I get enough food to feed my family for one week. I can even stretch the contents if I need to. Last month I had a little extra and spent $75, that food has fed my family for almost a whole month. I would have been lost without it.
There are no income limitations, no proof of need. You simply find the location, order, pay, and two weeks later pick up your food. The dates are set by each location and some host sites even have online ordering. They even have pre-cooked, then frozen and packaged senior meals that provide well-rounded meals for about 2 weeks. They’re great for single people!
I don’t have jobs to offer, but I can share what I do have. If one person is helped then I have done well. We all have so many other things that we worry about, being hungry shouldn’t be one of them.
the link didn’t post, but it is http://www.angelfoodministries.com
Depression and anxiety are part of every body’s experience. Job search likely amplifies anxiety. A reader near the Triangle area of NC can benefit from Causal Self Healing, with a focus on the cause of both anxiety and depression.
Nothing ingested can cure this (except by placebo principle). The cause is not in the brain …. both are in the mind.
best, David
I was let go in May from a position of responsibility that I believed I was doing an excellent job. The issue that is still bugging me is the disconnect between my own perception of what was going on and the way my bosses perceived me. More importantly, I was not prepared as I should have been for no job and no income. Because they let me go, my Unemployment claim was denied and I have had to engage in an appeal process, pay an attorney and try and fight it. They said it could be 5-7 months before my hearing comes up before an Administrative Law Judge. Even then, will I get my claim verified and get my back pay?
The net result is I paid off my current bills, put my stuff in storage and moved to stay with some friends. The bad news is that I still have a car payment and a storage bill and no income. I am down to my last few dollars and am very scared about what to do.
The process of applying for work is not only depressing, it is potentially very detrimental to your positive mental health. I have been in a few interviews, but by and large, people are not willing to hire me if I apply for a lesser job, and I want to just crawl away if I get asked the hard questions like: “why were you let go?”
Is there a solution for any of this? I have read most of the posts about what to do for depression and I am already doing those things as much as I can. Networking, getting out a little, meditating, writing.
I went to a career change workshop and it turns out that my best matches are to stay in my field.
I have limited physical capacity due to some disabilities. Just enough to not be able to work out, not enough to qualify for diability! I am too young to retire, too old to go back to graduate school again. What’s a girl to do? No significant other to rely on. It is one of the difficulties of being middle aged, single and highly educated in a field that has shrinking resources. Many of the jobs I could qualify for in the past have lost their funding. I have worked in the non-profit world for over 30 years.
I know I am rambling on here, but I believe that are many other people like myself struggling with what to do next.
Any comments would be appreciated.
Julie
Hi Julie,
I am so touched by what you wrote. The last thing you need to hear is me telling you that everything will be OK and stay positive.
I have been out of work for about about 7 months. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I have thought of the worst of the worst. I have almost thought of the best of the best. The truth to the matter is, in time you’re just going to get sick of trying and feel like giving up. I have done everything under the sun – you name it! I have gone on about 10 interviews either a phone screen or in person; and no offers.
I was at about senior level at my last job. I never saw it coming. I have a disabled mother to support, let alone myself! Unemployment is not enough for us to get by. Some days I would either starve myself from a meal so that I can use my last dollar to feed my mother. She has a mental condition so she is not 100% aware of what’s going on with me. She just knows that I got laid off but does not know how much I am struggling. I get paid form unemployment every other Friday. Sometimes when the cash is used up before my next paycheck, I would have to try to starve myself or eat something really cheap like Ramen noodles to get by.
I am only in my mid 20s. I have a car payment, rent, credit card bills, school loans, etc. Too many expenses and not enough finances.
I have thought about suicide many times, but of course I have too much to live for – my mom and sister. They are what’s keeping me alive. But some days, even that is not enough. The 3 things that I am most proud of are my degree, career, and breadwinner of my family. Now I don’t have a career, my ego has been shot to hell. It hurts not being able to provide for your loved ones. Some days I feel like I am physically alive, but emotionally dead. I feel like giving up the job hunt and do something totally different, but even that seems so far away.
I have a very small saving which is going to run out very soon. After that, I think I’ll have to go begging for money on the streets along with the rest of the homeless people.
Julie, you’re not alone. I can’t compare my situation to yours because i do not know the extent of it. But it does not matter…you’re not alone and that’s why we’re here to lean on each other. I am not a typical gal, i have an ego of a guy. I need to make the $ to feel powerful and successful. I am an overachiever, but now I feel like giving up.
One more thing – to everyone out there!
I am so F*** sick of the News talking about increasing consumers spending. Well guess what! F***N give us a F****N job and maybe you’ll see some extra dollars floating around! Don’t sit there and say that S*** to me!
Dear Friends:
Thanks for the comments! It is helpful to know that I am not alone on the rollercoaster. Some thoughts for Julie and Discouraged —
Julie — have you considered — this may sound a little “off” — but you have substantial expertise in the non-profit world. What about starting your own non-profit, perhaps counseling the unemployed? You could charge modest fees and that would help you keep alive.
Many websites counseling the unemployed appear very out of touch with our actual situations, whereas you would definitely be in touch!
There are several websites with easy, free website building tools. You could look at other unemployment counseling — and career counseling — websites, and create one of your own. You could also attend job fairs, visit Starbucks — anywhere unemployed folks congregate — create a local church, synagogue, mosque or secular support group(s) — and pass out your card.
You could set up a special website for unemployed non-profit folks — free access to message board — and solicit job openings for website from non-profits — would keep you in the loop for jobs —
You could set up a special website for unemployed single women, with a message thread for middle-aged ones — you could provide advice —
Plus you would be officially “employed” on your resume, running these websites. Self-employment is respected, even if a person is doing it themselves, and it is still a volunteer endeavor.
Regarding explaining why you were let go — a number of websites have career counseling with suggestions on how to deal with that, and explain it, so it does not become an impediment to the next job —
Kate Wendleton’s “Mastering the Job Interview” is available on http://www.amazon.com and has some good suggestions for handling this type of problem.
Bear in mind your bosses may not have been telling you the truth about your work, but merely wanted to save money by getting rid of you. I once worked for an organization where a department chief gave secret orders to downgrade the employees’ next evaluations, so some of us could be fired if the economy made it necessary.
So we were given false negative evaluations. I was furious. I knew that mine was a fraud.
But when that boss was demoted, the next thing that happened was the new boss removed me from disciplinary status, and I got an excellent evaluation.
So perhaps this isn’t about you.
Like you I’m single, middle-aged, with some mild disabilities, but not yet old enough for Social Security and Medicare.
We just have to keep going for a while. Eventually the economy will right itself.
I am moving in with relatives in a few weeks in another part of the country. I am going to start a tiny web-based business to keep me occupied while I look for regular work.
Discouraged — if you have the ego of a guy — and are female — and have dependents — and are young — have you considered the military? Then your mom and your sister would be official military dependents. There would be base housing, military medical care, and food on the table. You sound like you would be a good noncom (sargent) or officer material.
You also swear like them, and have their assertive, take-charge attitude 🙂
Cordially,
Struggling To Stay Positive
Hi Everyone,
I wrote on this blog a long time ago. I finally found a job but decided as of a few days ago that I could not manage the 40 mile per day commute and low pay. So now I’m back to being unemployed. I do take temp jobs while I’m looking. However, I’ve found that a lot of the temp agencies have closed their offices. It is very frustrating to say the least. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook. Next week I will be going to a networking event and I have sent out a lot of resumes. I find that employers are very unprofessional. The job I just left was a “revolving door” type of place and I don’t want to take something like that again. I don’t know what the answer is as I think this is the worst job market I have ever seen. I am also struggling to stay positive.
Thank you to those who replied to my post a couple of weeks ago.
I have found a place to get my medications, am working on filing a disability claim and continuing to look for work.
I have limited access to the computer at the home where I am staying; there are six other people sharing it in this household.
I believe that the most important thing, (for me) is to stay focused on the job search and find other positive people who understand the situation.
The most frustrating thing of all right now is the news spin on media that says things are getting better.
I look at the people who are standing in the welfare line, the unemployment line, at the local medical clinic and the food commodities line at the local Salvation Army and realize, it isn’t getting better yet.
There are an increasing number of people with no funds, no health care and no hope.
Thanks for the idea of running my own non-profit. It is a good idea and one that I need to work on. I am also re-considering going back to school either for another masters degree or for some vocational training.
To everyone who is reading this blog and has felt like giving up; don’t!
Despite how difficult things are, there are resources out there, you just need to find them. I am going to go looking for a way to find a free web-site and set up a support group/coaching site for folks like us who want to get back to what we know and do well. I am very greatful for finding this web site.
thanks to all of you for reading.
Julie
Just popping in to say, “Best of Luck, Julie!” I’m so glad to hear that things are happening for you! I agree that the media is not in touch with real people who are living it.
I am still working two part-time jobs; my daytime job hasn’t gone to full-time yet; I’m hopeful it will very soon. It’s hard to be patient at times, but I’m grateful for it. I’ve had something wrong with my right leg (knee area) since January and I can’t go to doctor; no money for doctor and tests; I just pop aspirin; I need full-time benefits. Someone complained to me about the proposed healthcare plan and I said here I am at 59 years old, a single woman, an American citizen, working two jobs and living with relatives. I’ve worked all my Life, beginning in 1965….do you think I deserve healthcare? They were somewhat taken aback, like the thought had never crossed their mind, but they did agree that I did! It’s a crazy world we live in. None of us ever thought this would happen to us.
~Linda~
well I must say that being unemployed is a horrible expereince. I had a secure job for about 2 years but there was no movement in it. I was then given the opportunity to supervise people and run the department at another company and i said oh boy ! I have to jump on this. Big Mistake !! between the newness of the company, the position and incredible backstabbing done by the insecure people there I lost my job after 7 months.
I found myself having to rehearse the answer to the question “what happened at your last job” How do you explain to your prospective employer you were the victim of workplace abuse ?? You cant ! Even my employer would not give a reason for my dismissal because they know it was done without conscience and could be interpreted as discrimination. Therefore, I have a lot of anger. My girlfreind of 2 years breaks up wih me after my 5th month of unemployment. There was a major issue we were working on resolving but I highly suspect that now I refuse to cover her bar tab she needs “time apart” because she probably will try to come back whenver i have a job. Yeah like that will happen. More Anger.
6 months, 75 job applications, networking and only two interviews. Thats it so far and I have 2o years experience, a Masters Degree, and a certification in my field. More Anger. I do have my days when i get kinda depressed. I will just walk around the house in my undewear all day. You learn who your freinds are quickly. Those those who never called or wrote back a big F you and the horse you rode in on lol.
I have found that working out, studying for continued work certification, job hunt, cleaning house doing errands for my parents and renting movies from Netflix pretty much helps my sanity. Howevr i have no idea when i will get a job. I thank god i never married and had kids which has allowed me to not be to worried about money…yet. However its the isolation and boredom that can drive you crazy. A big thrill for me nowadays is waiting for a movie i like to come out or talking on the phone with a freind !
Dear Phil:
I believe that many of us understand and share your anger.
Just some thoughts for dealing with it:
1. Consider dropping your most recent job from your resume. That way you don’t have to keep discussing it with potential new employers. There is likely no good way to “spin” it.
If you drop it from your resume, you may be surprised at how your outlook brightens. A book which discusses, among other topics, why it is sometimes best to drop a job that ended badly from your resume is “What Does Somebody Have To Do To Get A Job Around Here?” by Cynthia Shapiro. It is an inexpensive paperback and available on http://www.amazon.com.
Ms. Shapiro discusses ways to explain the employment gap on your resume with future employers, if you opt to drop your most recent job from it. You can say you were studying for additional certifications, etc.
Most employers will never check further. They want to hear positive stories. That would free you up to get a better job.
2. Your anger is understandable. You were totally treated unfairly!
But you may be going to interviews and, quite naturally, showing some of that anger. That is somewhat scary to new potential employers. You don’t want to frighten them off.
You may want to see a counselor about ways to process the anger, and turn all of that intense, vital passion and energy that you possess to more positive actions, like your job search and more exercise.
Sometimes the old proverb is true — “the best revenge is living well.”
3. Another reason you may be interested in the Shapiro book is that several chapters near the end are devoted to how to scope out companies during interviews to determine if they have “bad” corporate cultures, so you can avoid working for them.
She also discusses some tactics you could use on your next job to collect allies in the workplace and create a positive space around your position, even in the heart of very negative companies full of backstabbers.
4. You sound like you’re feeling isolated and depressed, as is natural given what you’ve been through. You may want to find job hunters groups near your home so that you can meet with them every week, exchange stories, socialize, pick up useful tips for your job search, and that way you won’t feel so alone with your anger and sadness.
You will meet others who’ve been through similar situations, and who can provide you with emotional support.
You might also collect some new friends and a new girlfriend.
Give yourself a socializing break each week. You deserve it.
5. Do you have any secular or spiritual groups unrelated to work that you are interested in? Now is the time to activate your local church, synagogue, or mosque, or start spending time with your golf club or a hiking group or a book group. Try to get out at least once a week.
6. I will share with you one other thought — I am likely much older than you — I’m guessing that you are not sixty — for years, when I was much younger, I was often treated unfairly in the workplace. I was also bullied very badly as a child and a teen in school.
I, like you, was furious.
I stewed for years. It seemed like good people were treated badly in the workplace and bad people rewarded.
Recently, I decided to look up on the internet all of the institutions and people who had harmed me. Many of them had seemed destined for very comfortable lives and possible fame.
My life is not easy, but I have now have accomplishments under my belt, and I felt that I could handle whatever I found out.
Well, guess what? Things didn’t go so well for them. Apparently, crime does not pay. One powerful professor who mercilessly mistreated and abused students, including me, in one of my graduate schools, died young. All eight of his books are out of print. All that remains of him is a $2,000 scholarship fund in his name. My former graduate school department is run by women and racial minorities, groups he abused in his lifetime.
I know he is rolling over in his grave.
To my extreme astonishment, virtually all of the people who harmed me — I did not trace all of them — have not achieved the fame and fortune they confidently expected. One of them was forced to change fields — it did her no good to seize my job apparently!
And the beauty of it is — I didn’t have to do anything — I just avoided these people — but there is a just God. All the things they did eventually brought retribution. What goes around really does come around.
I was amazed. I figured all of those people would be quite comfortable and well-known. One abusive person I dated is not even on the internet — I realized that he must have died young. Trust me, he was the type who would be on the internet if he were still alive. He’d have five personal and professsional webpages, at least.
So don’t spend too much of your valuable time on anger. There are many useful books on http://www.amazon.com regarding anger and ways to channel your passion and energy into positive channels.
Many blessings on your job search and your new life.
Cordially,
Struggling to Stay Positive
Dear Phil:
Also, on July 27th, on this thread, I posted a list of books and websites with advice on how to shift the depression, anger and despair so many of us feel into positive thinking and actions that will make us feel better.
You might find some of the resources on the list of interest.
Many blessings on you.
Cordially,
Struggling to Stay Positive
I am continually amazed at the generosity of people on this thread – I have just read “Struggling to stay positive’s” response to Phil and I’ve been energized and boosted for the entire day. Thank you, Struggling, for taking the time to write, encourage, share and validate – you are a special person and I hope one day we can meet in person!
– jason
I can somewhat echo what @STSPS said about “justice”.
One week after the BOSS knifed me in the back, she too was “nuked”. After a long job search, she stayed home with her children. Wonder how she’s doing with her THREE mortgages. (She was trying to sell her house that she reloed out of, as well as the modest hous she upgrade from when you she got “her dream job”.)
By comparison, I’ve had it easy. While it’s still hard for me not to be POed, I try to just learn whatever lesson that the Universe had for me in that experience (to avoid “lessons are repeated until the student learns”) and move on. It hasn’t been fun, Hasn’t been easy. But, I was better prepared financially for it. Having been nuked four times before, I was ready with “It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s them!” (A Turkey’s Credo) and “This too shall pass”. In comparison to my first nuking, it wasn’t as traumatic. My spouse said “Good. I feel better with you around to help with my medical problems.”
So they say (whoever “they” are) “everything happens for a reason”. It’s just God, the Universe, Fate, Evolution, Destiny, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, or whatever Higher Power you’d care to acknowledge just making your journey “interesting”.
So fasten your mental seatbelt and hang on for the ride. If I can be of any service, just ask. I have some of my learnings at https://tinyurl.com/lxu93; feel free to steal.
fjohn
aka the big fat old turkey hisself
Hi All
Just checking in. Still unemploymed but have gotten more used to it. Bacially have stopped looking for a job. Not too depressed or anixious anymore. Just let it all go. The only thing I can say is thank GOD for unemployment benefits!!!!
Dana
Hi all…well after complaining, crying, depressed, anxious, optimistic, pessimistic, hopeful, sad, miserable, etc., I have decided to go to graduate school full time. I have been laid off for almost 9 months now and no job. So far I have not been successful whatsoever in securing a new jobs. I have gone on about 10 interviews, but no offers. I have stopped looking about a month ago. Recruiters still call me with new roles, but I have stopped searching on my own. I am tired. It’s all wasted effort. I am going back to school. At least I finally have a purpose now. I have something to wake up to.
Dear Reinkefj, Dana and Discouraged:
Reinkefj — thanx for the example you provided from your former workplace of “crime doesn’t pay”!
Dana — sometimes job hunters need a rest — maybe this is your time to rest a little.
Discouraged — I hope that you have a wonderful time in school. You might enjoy a book called “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For” by M.J. Ryan.
It is full of practical tips on what to do in situations where you are being forced to make unwanted changes, and turn the changes into positive new paths. Best of luck!
Cordially,
Struggling to Stay Positive