I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.
I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).
But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.
First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.
In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.
This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control. But even when you have a high locus of control, depression clouds everything.
The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.
Depression Clouds Everything Especially with Life Hitting Us from Every Which Way
And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.
When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN – it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”
But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded because I was desperate. And, depression clouds everything
Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.
It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!
Depression Clouds Everything Even How We Would Normally Think
I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.
A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.
Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.
His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.”
I was speechless. This was a big part of why I needed to write this Depression Clouds Everything post.
For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.
The Enemy of Depression Is Hope
I’m updating this post in 2022. I want to preserve much of the original post since it resonated so much with people, and because it is a snapshot of where I was in my growth journey.
Years after I wrote this Depression Clouds Everything post I met Dick Bolles in person. I was fortunate to get some time with him at a restaurant. It was, I can say, life changing. Please read this post about that lunch, and why it impacted me.
I’m not going to say that understanding options, or having more hope, will eliminate depression. That would be too simplistic. But I know that having options, having something to hope for, can change how you feel and think. I went through that. Options found me, my hope went from zero to a hundred, and depression melted away. You can’t force this on anyone, or yourself, but it’s an awesome dynamic that might help.
I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post, Depression Clouds Everything, or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.
I understand, over a year ago I lost my job. To say it came as a surprise is putting it mildly. I was brought in by my boss to help develop a dept that was needed. I think I must have done my job to well. My boss had no management experience only supervisory experience and she was use to being micro managed. She was floundering with no direction. Before we all lost our job I got with my boss told her what we needed to save the dept. processes, forms, and I even set up what job assignments I would give each of the people in our department if I was over the department, which she adopted. This dept went on for 3 years, with me putting in 50-60 hours a week, having to come up and learning ways to store our information on the computer, ways in which to keep our department viable and important, which was hard etc. Looking back I can tell when my boss and two of her favorites started undermining me, 8 months before I was laid off I was left off some of the calls I should have been on. They had me creating sites and setting up different things that were useless. Branding me as a person who hurt others feelings. It is so ironic, to be so devoted an employee, to put so much into a job, to come home crying so many times because I was having to work with a boss that was so unfair, she had a crush on the guy she kept always said “she got her love from him” he is gay but one of her best friends. That I could put up with but he did not do his work, many times I had to report him to her for not doing his job. Knowing she had his back he would do it time after time. The other one she kept was also her best friend, she always bought her food from home, wanted to be like my boss. The woman was actually sick she has a problem with lying, she is a habitual liar. If you did not know her she could convince you of anything. All three took off 3 times a week to go to the tanning bed together. At work we all knew that they were the group together. I lost my mother, mother in-law, brother in-law, aunt and cousin, and my daughters brother-in-law with-in two years, so I knew something was up in the department but had no idea that my boss was setting me up by leaving me completely out of things I should have been involved in. I thought she was just being thoughtful. Anyway it is sure a lesson learned the hard way and has and still is bothering me. For I’m not a person that would promote someone unless they deserved it, and I would never ask someone to stay with me and repeatedly tell them that if it came down to letting people go in the department they would be one of the last one’s to go. Yep I believed her and stayed!!!
I have posted here before – I am going on 10 months of being unemployed. I am single, over 50 and living with my kids because I have exhausted all my resources. I have interviewed more than a few times but no offers. Now my credit is in the toilet, I have to ask my adult son for money for shampoo or bread (sometimes he is nice, oftentimes he is mean reminding me that my whole life I have not be able to achieve job security) and I am truly and completely out of hope.
As a single person living with family I am not entitled to any state benefits (not that I would take them) and I have no health insurance and a hx of heart disease. Maybe if I am lucky that will solve my problem.
@ Depressed = I cannot imagine what it is like living without health care. We in Canada are extremely fortunate. Not sure if you have the Salvation Army where you are at locally but in our part of the world, they are huge on offering a helping hand in so many ways. I encourage you to seek them out. Don’t give up. There are many folks out there wanting to help. Often, I find (from personal experience) that asking for help is the hardest hurdle. Don’t give up. If you can’t get help from your government, look for it in private circles. I find there’s greater help from the little guy.
this is 5th month of me being unemployed but I actually just started my jobhunt last September (2mos) ago. On the first month, I was still bright sun shiny, very hopeful since I am young and my husband can sustain the family. You see I always had a job because I don’t like asking money to buy what I want so having a job is essential for me. I know that my experience is not as harsh like the others but just the same, you feel those surge of emotions that you never felt before. Like I told mu husband that I am gonna walk in and pass my CV to this airline but I kept on making excuses everyday not to go. But deep inside I have this fear which I never felt before that even I have been in the airline industry for 5 years plus the fact that I was a trainer for it, that I would doubt myself. And this is so disheartening. I kind of lost my interest in looking for a job. Currently, I am still in the phase of wearing an occasional happy mask since I was always the light of the house and I have to lit up once in a while to make the house bright and sun shiny. You see my husband didn’t want me to take jobs that are shifting and have weekends because he wants quality time for him and my daughter, which is just right for him to ask. But right not, I am really depressed of having a hard time to look for that kind of job.I don’t want to be like this for a long time because I notice that I am starting to feel sickly like having chronic headaches and nauseous. Hopefully before the year ends, I’ll get something worthy. I feel for ya all who are experiencing hell.
It can be a difficult thing to lose your job and realize that you either need to find another or do your own business. I had to make that choice in 2000 and ended up starting my own food distribution business. It was one of the most challenging things I could have done. I wouldn’t ever recommend jumping into a new business cold turkey, with no income to fall back on… however, after having gone through it, I can say it was one of the greatest learning experiences I could have received, much more so than going through an MBA program and all my other college training combined.
Hi Who’s,
I’m so glad it all worked out for you.
I’ve been unemployed for six months now. I’ve found it just so hard to reach out to others, but I’ve learned I’m going to have to if anything is to happen. I’ve been relying on tons of job applications sent out that get no replies and it’s not working. Today I’m making a list of everyone I know to call instead of hiding out in my house. Guess that’s what depression gets you. It’s not going to be easy.
I just read through most of the posts here and it sounds like everything I’ve been through in the past month. My company downsized 10% of the corporate positions and I was one of the lucky 10%. Why I got chosen above other designers in my office, I’ll never know, but it’s depressing. I made a lot of good friends there in the 3 years I was with the company and some of them still call and want to do lunch. I enjoy seeing them, but there is a part of me who is very bitter and sad when I see them. They are still going on with their lives while I’m running around in circles applying for every graphic design job in Omaha (and there aren’t that many). I’m over 40 and I have a feeling that is a major reason I’m not getting any calls. Either that or they want to hire some kid that has a 2 year degree (I have a 4 year) to work for peanuts. So I’m doing my best to keep on moving forward, but there are some days where it’s just tough to keep going. Luckily my husband is employed, so it’s not life or death here, but it is tight and every day that goes by without a call makes me more depressed.
Wow, “Who’s Hiring Right Now”:
That was a big leap from working to owning your own business with no MBA training and no funds to fall back on. I’m glad it was a positive experience for you – difficult, but positive. Sounds like you were able to pick up your bootstraps and not give up while in discouragement before you went into full blown depression. Good for you!
I wouldn’t recommend everyone unemployed and suffering clinical depression to attempt to start a business. There’s no way I could have. I could barely work part time but I see by the comments that I was blessed to have even that.
One thing I did – b/c I was desperate – I went to the library and checked out motivational speakers on CDs. I went for walks and listened to them. I needed something to kick start the dying spirit within me. It was a way to correct the negative thinking that I had succumbed to.
Because I didn’t have a sense of purpose, I almost needed someone to give me one. Like a pep talk from a coach, I needed a fire lit under my butt.
Hi all! I am so glad to have found you all on here! You guys are not alone and now I know I am not alone! have been in my profession for about 3.5 years. I was a good student in school. I was a very hard and dedicated worker at the job. I went the extra mile and did anything humanly possible to get the job done. I was passionate about my work! Recently, I was let go without any legitimate reason. The person who called the shot couldn’t even be there herself to terminate me and had someone else passed the message to me. The person who decided to terminate my employment was someone with a lot of power. You really don’t want to get on her bad side. There is a lot of politics. The people that are in her clique gets promoted quicker than others and they are the favored ones. Anyway, her and I had gotten onto some static over some minor things. I am uncertain if my termination had anything to do with that. But I really don’t think that it was my performance as I’ve been performing well and I would know through my evaluations. As a matter of fact, i was progressing! But all that ended within a blink of an eye. Now I am desperately seeking for work. Did everything humanly possible to find a decent job and make that money again. Went on a few interviews, but they decided to stop hiring until the economy picks up again. I am so depressed! I support my disabled mother and a young sister who is in college. I am in my mid 20s only! I feel like I’ve failed. I spent all my life being perfect at work and school and now that I have nothing, I feel empty! Recenlty, I have thought about suicide. I am afraid of sharp tools, so maybe drugs???? I don’t know anymore. I feel so hopeless, helpless, and lost.
I know, from my own personal experience, that it may seem hopeless and overwhelming right now. However, you are young and your new job may be right around the corner! Please think about it. And, please think about all of Life you still have to live, experience, and enjoy! Suicide has never solved anything and think of your family and consequences. Have you tried any temp agencies or a couple of part-time jobs to keep yourself going?
Holy cow! A stupid job is certainly not worth considering suicide!!! You have a wonderful life to live and how in the world are you ever going to find out how wonderful your life story is going to be if you end it? Look, I’ve been out of work for over 6 weeks now and I am not exactly thrilled about that. The office where I was laid off from was very political as well. The woman who let me go, like your office, made sure her favorites got ahead. So when it came time to decide who to let go because of the economy, it was several of her least favorites…the ones who had a mind of their own. So we’re all in this together! You were a great student. You worked hard. Your resume will show that and you will get a great job! Sometimes it takes months to find that great job. My last job took me 7 months to land! In that time you can’t get down on yourself. You need to remember who you are and how awesome you are. Some business somewhere will be LUCKY to get you and right when you’re starting to enjoy having some time off from working your butt off every day, a great job will come along and you’ll be back in the groove. Maybe this is a good thing and your next job won’t be as politically messed up. That’s what I’m hoping for for myself! Just take this time to reflect on what you really want out of life. That’s what I’m doing and I’m sure that something will come along soon. Hang in there and try to lighten up and be happy. Everything will all work out…I’ve been through this a couple of times and I know it’s not worth getting depressed over. Hang in there!!!
I have been out of work for over a year. I just finished a temp assignment that lasted 3 months and now I’m back searching again. I have sent out over 100 resumes and very few callbacks. I went on one interview recently and employer told me he had over 200 resumes sent to him and narrowed it down to 25 to call back for an interview. I went to that interview only to find out it was a commission only job and I have bills to pay so couldn’t do it. I notice that employers are using the “phone screen” a lot and I have one this week. It is all very depressing and I can only hope that things get better. It seems that right now there are a lot of bad jobs out there and one has to be very careful about taking a job without a lot of research about the company. I worry about paying my rent next month as it’s getting very bad. I have talked to a lot of people and they have been out of work for over a year. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this bad.
I have been out of work eleven months – the only work I have been able to pick up is some freelance writing. I have interviewed for about a dozen jobs and applied for over a hundred. I have sold almost everything of value that I own to keep food on the table and to keep my car.
It is incredibly challenging out there.
You certainly learn who your friends are – and believe me you will find true friends are few and far between.
The worst part is not having money for health care – I knew I was not feeling well but was stunned to find that my BP was 240/160. The local free clinic is NOT accepting any new patients – MD’s ask for payment up front when you are uninsured.
To tell you the truth, I don’t know how I have made it through this year intact, but I have and I keep on plugging. That is all you can do, just keep on trying.
To Judy,
I agree it is very difficult right now. Like you I don’t have any health coverage. I worry about getting sick. I went to one agency and was told that food stamps are difficult to get for the elderly because too many people in the 40’s age range are applying for them. And there is a long list to apply for them. I am depressed all the time. My daughter is worried about her job and called a psychologist for an appointment. The doctor called her back and said she is all booked up with appointments and would try to squeeze her in. Apparently, a lot of people are feeling depressed right now. Yes, you have to stay positive but it’s really tough to
get up in the morning. I now am having trouble sleeping, it’s a vicious cycle. I know you must keep on going. I try to do something each day. And with regard to friends, yes you are right. I have one friend and we were talking a lot, however, I find I am depressed even more when I talk to her. She complains about everything. I think you have to keep trying even though it is difficult right now.
I can relate, Judy and Elaine. I have been out of work 7 1/2 months; no health insurance either. I’m 59 yrs. and never, in my wildest dreams, thought I’d ever be in this place. I’m on extended unemployment but my sister, God bless her, has paid my rent the past two months. It’s WHO you know when it comes to a job; I’m still calling and trying to maintain contact with people. I keep putting out the resumes and applications, but I’m thinking they just disappear into cyberspace…lol. Anyway, I took a part-time job doing telemarketing at night. It’s not really helping financially but will extend benefits and it is something. When I get a day job, I may still keep it and work two jobs until I can get back on my feet. I don’t know what is up with the temp agencies; I think I’ve applied to all of them and nothing. It is really discouraging. In all of my working life, which is a long time, I’ve never seen it this bad either, but, I agree, you just have to keep plugging.
I just came back from a job search workshop at our local unemployment office. I couldn’t believe how many people were there. I only got one job lead but it was good to get out with people. Like you say Linda, you just have to keep getting out there.
Regarding my comment about just keep on plugging – it works – yes I often feel that I am sending resumes out into the void -but today I got 2 calls and 2 interviews – one tomorrow and one Thursday.
I am thrilled and hopeful.
Going out, even if only to read at the library or get a cup of coffee, is important. I spent months at home, didn’t make it any better or easier and probably made it worse. If I force myself to go out I always feel better. It is important to remember that all there is to life is not being “unemployed.”
Good Luck Judy! I hope it works out for you. I have a phone interview tomorrow morning. I have been trying to get out and it helped that I went to a job search group. I did get some leads. Yes, I feel like you do that you send out resumes into this void. I wonder if people even read them with so many people looking these days. Best wishes!
Good News! I wish you luck, Elaine and Judy!
I just had my phone interview which is otherwise known as a “phone screen”. I thought it went well but you never know. I was told there were a lot of people interviewing for the job. I think the important thing is to keep moving and keep sending out resumes and networking. It’s a numbers game. Good luck to everyone!
I’ve been out of work since Nov. 2007 and I periodically check in on the comments connected to this article. For whatever reason, I have a fairly reslient nature (plus a great emotional support system), and I recognize that we all have different levels of resiliency. I have been careful to monitor, acknowledge and respect when the whole process is getting to me. THat has helped me stay optimistic. TO either deny or dwell on the shitty and scary circumstances of being jobless mid-career (i’m 48) in a crappy economy is a recipe for disaster. So I give myself permission to feel sorry for myself (tonight is such a night) and then dust myself off and move forward.
It’s hard!!
After being out of work a year – and I was self employed with one or two major clients that I lost – so no unemployment, no resources – I finally found a job. I had 2 offers this week – I accepted the higher paying one. It is the best job I have ever been offered.
I didn’t have much a support system in terms of family but I had a few good friends who kept me food on my table and who reminded me, from time to time, that I had value.
I thought about ending it many many many many days – I have sold most of what I had of value for food and utilities. I stayed alive for my son. I was so sad many days I couldn’t/didn’t do much. When I got the first offer, and shared the news with my son, he hugged me and we wept.
I am relieved and happy but I am still having trouble relaxing. In fact I can’t sleep tonight. I guess it takes time to adjust to being safe too.
Judy C.,
I share your joy! It’s so nice to hear that you have found a great job! I wish you much success!
Thanks for posting this; there IS hope. Even though you were down, you preservered and came out on top and that speaks to your strength. What a lesson you are showing your son!
Do you think your sleeplessness is just nerves? Going into a new job is stress too. Bet it’s just temporary.
Judy, I’m thrilled to read this news, I know it has been a long road for you! Thank you for sharing your success with us, and inspiring others. Your additions to this comment thread have been helpful, and it’s rewarding for me to see you made it through!
Now, what can you do to be more prepared for the next time? I’m all about career management you know 😉
Jason,
I will most likely post/do an analysis of this past year and what I did wrong and what I did right. The one thing I know for sure is that we need to take care of each other – without the friends who were not afraid to see how sad I was and how scary it is to have nothing – I wouldn’t have made it.
If you know someone in a worse position than you – give them something – whether it is a visit, a meal, a card or money. Just do it.
You could be saving a life.
It is remarkable and disheartening to see so many others feeling the sense of hopelessness affiliated with a seemingly endless job search. I am one of the multitudes who were victims of this “financial crisis”, let go abruptly along with several others at my company. I feel embarrassed, even though it was through no fault of my own. This occurred just a few months before I was going to ask my girlfriend of 8 years to marry me (and still am, thanks to some smart financial choices). For me, being employed was a source of strength – I had struggled through several tedious, hardly fulfilling temp jobs before I had landed a position that I was truly proud of. Then I was called into my boss’s office and told that I was to be let go after two years of outstanding service. In that very instant, my entire world and clarity of thought was disintegrated – the idea that you can be severed like an infected limb from your role and tossed into a realm of uncertainty is sickening (and the worst is hearing the cliche “that’s life!”) It’s just sad to know that so many people are hurting besides myself, people who deserve to live happily each day – after all, isn’t this short life meant to be enjoyed?
Hi Mark,
Sorry to hear about your layoff. I know the feeling. It did feel embarrassing and strange to me as well, because I had just received an award not two months prior. I just couldn’t figure out how it could happen to me…but the company is just not doing well. Another of my friends was just let go 3 weeks ago and she is feeling exactly the same way. So far they have let over 300 employees go…and I’m sure we all have similar feelings. I had never in my life been laid off or let go from a job. It was tough and it continues to be very strange, as I’m used to being able to land a job after a couple of months of job hunting. I haven’t even had an interview…so it’s been disheartening. Having someone to support you and love you is very important. I don’t know what I’d do without my husband…he has been a rock for me during these crazy last few months. Hang in there because I am learning that there is much more to life than just a job. We’ll all be okay…it may just take a little longer than we anticipated. 😉
To all
I am there and I don’t what will happen. This is the part where the the aniexty and depression creeps in. i lost my job due to office politics and mean people. Don’t people know that everyone needs to earn a living? Why are people always gunning to put some in the poor house? Don’t they know the end result is that someone will end up not being able to pay their bills.
This is the part of working life I never understood.
I am in the healthcare business and if you think there isn’t a recession going on there.. think again!
If you are a nurse you can find a job all others good luck!
And all you saying that’s it going to be ok ect.. How do you know?
Dana,
It helps to know you are not alone. Millions are going through what you are experiencing now. I was also forced out of my job in the healthcare business due to “office politics and mean people,” micromanagement and lack of human caring. (Why can’t managers treat their subordinates as humans and not as pieces of meat hanging in the slaughter house?) But I realize it trickles down from the wealthy CEO’s. I’ve been looking for almost a year and there is not much out there that pays very well, unless, as you mention, “you are a nurse.” I too suffer from anxiety and depression, and may lose my house in a few months, when unemployment compensation runs out and if nothing turns up. I may just have to work a minimum wager, which goes up to – whoopdeedo- a whopping $7.21/hour today.
I’m just hoping for a better 2009. And less office meanness and politics.
Dana, write in your journal. Keep posting here. Surround yourself with others to combat the loneliness and alienation that comes with the depression. Listen to positive and encouraging people. And remember, hope does exist, even if only in metaphor at first, before hope becomes reality. Here’s to hope! Cheers!
Well, to all who know….tonight REALITY set in. I guess I’ve been in total denial. F this system; F politics…or whatever…I’ve been unemployed, except for a sucky call center job, at which I’m very good at…since last April, 2008. I don’t have the friggin money for rent for January. My Sister informed me tonight that I need to move in with her…f that…but I’m going to have to. Yeah, who knows everything is going to be alright? I have no one for support except myself…more power to the ones who have husbands, etc. I wish I had that great benefit. Some of you do not even know. I am basically starting totally over, after having a great career. And, it’s tough doing it at most of your parent’s age! Don’t cry to me when you are young and still have parents to depend on…waaa waaa. Try being older, like 59, and getting a friggin job!
Hey Linda,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I have many friends who were laid off the same day as me and more who were laid off 3 weeks ago. I know that they are all facing difficult times as well. I am older too and I know that the reason I haven’t gotten any calls is because I’m almost 50. You ask how I know that everything is going to be alright? Well, without getting all preachy, it’s my faith. I have been through many difficult times in my life including loss of jobs and the deaths of family members and when I thought that things would never get better for me, something happened and things eventually got better. My husband was unemployed for 2 years and we were living on my very crummy income. How we made it, I’ll never know, but we did and we’re stronger for it. I guess I look at life like a roller coaster…you have your ups and your downs and you know that eventually if you keep on trying, you’ll have your ups again. Things suck right now for so many of us…but I know that eventually if we keep trying, it will work out in the end. I’m putting in resume after resume after resume and it’s only a matter of time before one of these days I win the job lottery. 🙂 Hang in there! My thoughts are with you!
I want to apolgize to everyone for my outburst in my previous post. I know there are many like me going through this difficult time. I’m sorry if I offended anyone.
Thank you, Graphics Girl, for your kind words.
Linda,
Although I cannot truly empathize (I am unemployed, but I’m not even 50 yet), I sympathize with your age plight. I applied to work with the upcoming US census and there was a guy who was 69 and looking for full time work. I met another gentleman who after retiring from Home Depot, couldn’t stand the boredom from retirement, so he got back on at Home Depot part time, and then they made him full time. I have a friend, age 72, who works part time. What I don’t understand is why can’t these people retire, and volunteer somewhere to beat the boredom, the stress from being at home with their spouse, etc. I know some of these “have to” work to pay their bills, but some do not.
I’ve also encountered high school and college students who live with their parents trying to find work. Why can’t the college students be employed at their college to pay for their student loans, and not “out in the real world” where the rest of us who have families to support and mortgages to pay need to work?
What is the mandatory retirement age anyway?
Smoriah,
Thank you for the kind words. Kindness is hard to find these days. I know that i am not alone and I can feel for others too. It seems that there is very little I can do now. I have almost given up.
I can understand losing my job to the economy but to politics. I try to keep hope and it comes in the form of my faith but sometimes it just isn’t enough.
I will pray for you and that your situation gets better because at this point I think that all we have.
Dana
The reality and the face of the jobless situation:
Let me paint a clear picture for all of those who aren’t at hthe point of despair.
I used to get up everyday and go to a job that paid me 30.00/hr. If you read my previous you will see that I lost it due to politics and not the economy. Of course this made it all that more depressing and miserable.
The day-to-day reality of being jobless for alomost 18 months is that I can’t get up out of bed anymore …you ask yourself for what…. to face another day of unemploymennt and there are so days where you can watch so the rerun of the Cosby show and Good Times. Good Times is a show that is so fitting for the times today. So you sleep 14 to 15 hours a day. In between that time you hope the phone rings for at least a job interview so you have the motiavation to get up and look to see if there are any messages.. there are none.
What to do now. Go back to sleep, watch TV ot have a cup of coffee with the added flavor of vodaka.
The third is the most appealling choice. In the end it doesn’t help but it helps for the moment.
It helps for the moment because your life has become a series of “moments”
Moments of desprssion altenating with desperate moments of aniexty. Of course all too unbearable so you drink more hoping that on top of the 14 hours sleep that you got that if put you under so you don’t have to feel the misery of it all. It doesn’t so you add over-the-counter sleeping pills to it and at last sleep.
I know what you thinking. You’re thinking that I should use that time to look for employment. You’re right and i have to no avail. The pain of it all is to great at this point. The interveiws, the rejection the HR people that basically jerk you around becausre the know that you neeed a job. It almost as if this is their payback for all the times when workers were needed and they felt like they were jerked around.
Hey good luck to get them to call you back.
In the meantime your enviroment and all that used to interest you goes down hill. The place is a mess and outside of drinking ans sleeping nothing interests you expect your pre-occuaption of ending it all because doing that would end the pain.
So you think about and think about beacause the thought of being homeless and broke is not a good altenative. But what stops you. For me it the faces of the animals and the poeople that depend on me. The also depended on me when I did have a job that why it hard to look at them and see how badly you are faultering and at some point will fail. Thier innocense at what may change for them,new owners the pound, living out my car or worse. Of couse you try not to think about so you have another drink to take that pain away. It does but only for the moment. Remember you life now is a series of moments in which you navigate for one moment to the next.
Being unemployed for so long and not understaing the reasons why kind of get you thinking .. what if youdid get a job could you work after being out of one for so long. This is the ugly face of self-doubt.
Self dobut on top of the feeling of failure what to do …have another drink. By the time the day is over you can be so drunk that you don’t feel a thing and nothing bothers you except going to tje liquor store to get more.
The liquor store is where you see you pain reflected back to you. The faces of despair, the unsaid words of the faces of the other customers, the clerk that knows you by your first name and says “you’ll be back” Yep she’s right I’ll be back and I am.
On occassion you catch glimpes of yourself in the mirior of how you are now and wonder where the old you went and you try to remeber your old life. It is hard to remember because it was all so long ago. This new life no matter how miserable it is is the reality now along with the friends who don’t call. Outside of it all when you go outside you put onthe cheery face and try to hide the pain eventhough you just want’t to breakdown and talk to anyone who will listen. At the end of the day the problems are still there and the looming thoughts of ending it all are there too. And the vicious cycle starts again on a new day and time but its the same aold stuff.. I could go on and on but at this point I thing you have the idea.
Dana
Dana,
I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’ve been where you are. First, what you are going through sounds like clinical depression. Antidepressants will help you feel better. Second, clinical depression may help you get on disability which will continue to bring in income to pay the bills so you won’t lose your house or your pets. This will help ease the stress and allow you to heal.
As someone once told me, why would you want to kill yourself over a job? over politics? Jobs and politics aren’t worth the f. s. everyone claims them to be. You’re existence, and the meaning of your life, are worth more than both of those (jobs and politics) put together. Call a help line, a friend, your doctor, and find out how you can get on antidepressants and on disability. It’s worth your life.
Smoriah, the mandatory retirement age is different within different industries. And, mostly there isn’t one. More and more seniors are working and I think it’s become a necessity for most.
Dana, you certainly have a way with words. I can really relate except for the vodka part…I’d probably do that if I bought some or had it in the house.
I’m suffering from brain fog. Ok, I need to move out. Reality bites. So, what to do first? Make list, put in order of priority, crunch numbers, make calls….I can’t seem to get it in my brain…I’m SO in denial. Is this really happening? I feel like I’m in a time vaccuum…I want to stay here and let the world go on without me. I don’t want to move…this has been my ‘safe haven’.
To Smoriah:
I know you have been where I been ..for all I know you’re still there. The problem with getting help is that it cost money..alot of money along with the drugs to treat the depression and aniexty. No job, no health insurance. Disability has its qualifications. You have not worked for one year. I have but it only has been on an as needed basis because this all that is was available. I have literally begged for more time and full-time employent. I gotten 40 hours work in 18 months! Disability requires you to prove your illness and that requires treatment you know the treatment that I can’t afford. Even if I could Ihave to spend the money on keeping a roof over my head and feeding myself and my animals. The whole process of it is 6 months to 3 years outside of the one year waiting period for working. I konw you are trying to help and I do thank you.
The reasoning for my post was to allow others to understand the personal day-today struggles and the changes that an unemployed person goes through. To put meaning into the phrase ” I got laid off” or lost my job..for wahtever reason.
To Linda:
I know that reality bites but if you have your sister to give you a hand up ..take it. The changes aren’t over but at least you have someone. Make your sister’s home your safe haven.
As for me the only thing that I have left is my faith. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I do know it will be hard. I hope that it doesn’t get too hard.
Dana
Hi Dana,
I can really sympathize with your plight. How are you supporting yourself if that’s not too personal? I am working part-time in a call center at night. The pay sucks but it gets me out of the house and when I’m there I also network re: day jobs, as most have another job too. You wouldn’t believe the people who are working there: another Realtor, like me, mortage people, people in the construction industry, former bankers: just people trying to keep afloat. If you have a decent phone voice you can get on. How about just doing something like that? It helps to keep your sanity if nothing else.
Yes, I am fortunate that I have a good sister who will take me in. You are right. I’m trying to look on the bright side. I’ve lived alone for a very long time so it will be a big adjustment. And, all around me is just ‘stuff’; it doesn’t define who I am as a person. In some ways this move may be beneficial is how I’m looking at it. My bills will certainly drop drastically as she has a very small mortgage and I can help her out, as she currently has a daughter in college, on scholarship, but there are still expenses. Her dog loves me…lol…so that’s a plus.
Do you have friends and family around? Any support system?
I, too, believe in having faith. We do all we can but ultimately we can only control so much. None of us knows the paths we may go down, but, I believe, those paths may take us to a better place. At least I want to believe that.
To: Linda
I am suppoerting myself right now through a combination of as needed work and unemployment compensation which will run aout in March. Believe this one. I am in a catch 22 with unemployment .
I have to exhuast all of my benefit to qualify for the extension passed by the president in November which means i can’t work until then. It will actually exhaust on the week of the deadline. The little as needed work i get which is not guaranteed doesn’t even come close to the amount of guaranteed income that I will get for the next 20 weeks from unemployment. The only reason I would go off unemployment is for a fulltime job. I really think at this point it might be time for a career change or to move where there is work for what I do. I am a respiratory therapist. In my area which is Philadelphia, Pa there is a over saturation of therapist here. Thanks to some tech school tht is chruning them out every three months where as it would take 2 years of education to produce a quality therapist. However, thery are cheap and hospitals don’t care. The recession is also affecting healthcare. Whatever positions that are they have been put on hold.
I have family but they could care less. So i really don’t have too much of a support system except for my boyfriend of 12 years but he lost his job also. It been hard for the both of between the depression and crying and the rejection.
Faith is all there is really for me. I like to take comfort in GOD but sometimes my faith does become weakened with every set back. I also try to understand why this is happening and I ask GOD for some answers. I guess I’m wating for my hand-up and HE is the onluy who can give to me.
Dana
Well, Dana, I certainly wish you the best in finding a job in your field. I’m glad you have SOMEONE to be with and to support you. We must not give up!
I found the courage to call my landlord this morning. I told him about my situation and that I’d be moving out. He was not AT ALL supportive. In fact he was a little accusing. He knew I’d lost my job and the last time I spoke with him I WAS able to pay rent for two more months! But, not now.
To: Linda
Thank you for the kind words. I’ll try to hang in there but it like trying to hold on by your fingernails.
Sorry to hear about your landllord. You have to move out..you have to move out. What would he like someone who can’t pay anymore. You’re being honest and he’s being a prick.
At least you can move in with your sister which will take the pressure off of not having to worry about having a roof over your head. And that’s alot! Roll with the changes and hope for better days.
Dana
Dana,
Thank you. That’s what I’m going to do: roll with the changes and hope for better days! Perhaps one day I’ll be able to move into an even better house! I hope I can look back someday and be grateful for this experience! Ha! Hard to see right now though.
I am enlightened by your situation, as I always thought the healthcare industry was one of the most secure! I would think your experience would count? Who knows anything in this economy though.
Linda
Linda
Just wanted to check into see if you are doing ok with your move to your sister’s house. I hope it not too tramatic for you and that everything is going smoothly.
Dana
Hi Dana!
Thank you for asking! Movers will be here in just over an hour! I’m totally organized! I was just getting ready to dismantle this computer! lol I will be off line for a few days. I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life! So nice of you to ask!
How are things with you?
Linda
Linda:
SO COOL !!!!!!!! and GOOD LUCK !!!!
Dana