I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.
I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).
But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.
First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.
In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.
This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control. But even when you have a high locus of control, depression clouds everything.
The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.
Depression Clouds Everything Especially with Life Hitting Us from Every Which Way
And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.
When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN – it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”
But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded because I was desperate. And, depression clouds everything
Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.
It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!
Depression Clouds Everything Even How We Would Normally Think
I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.
A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.
Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.
His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.”
I was speechless. This was a big part of why I needed to write this Depression Clouds Everything post.
For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.
The Enemy of Depression Is Hope
I’m updating this post in 2022. I want to preserve much of the original post since it resonated so much with people, and because it is a snapshot of where I was in my growth journey.
Years after I wrote this Depression Clouds Everything post I met Dick Bolles in person. I was fortunate to get some time with him at a restaurant. It was, I can say, life changing. Please read this post about that lunch, and why it impacted me.
I’m not going to say that understanding options, or having more hope, will eliminate depression. That would be too simplistic. But I know that having options, having something to hope for, can change how you feel and think. I went through that. Options found me, my hope went from zero to a hundred, and depression melted away. You can’t force this on anyone, or yourself, but it’s an awesome dynamic that might help.
I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post, Depression Clouds Everything, or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.
CYNTHIA-
I did worry that I had done something wrong. and it was in motion. I wondered to no end after that CRYPTIC talk.
I was deep in the work – and I could not figure it out.
I was terminated and still do not know. It messes with the mind. It simply does. HOW CAN ONE learn from his/her mistakes if they do not know what they are.
AND you ask for clarification after the CRYPTIC and you get notta.
Sure – The only thing I knew at that point was THIS IS not good.
How do I solve the unknown. Why do they keep me till the quarter ends and it gets real quiet., then let me go.
YES, I got another job – 1 year after I was trminated.
Paralegal for another corporation.
The dynamic were different, the personalities were much lighter. I did not come home from work with giant headaches due to cryptic talk.
SOmetimes it is not a good fit. HR will say that.
Sometimes it is not working out. HR will say that.
I did not even get that. I got confusion from HR at termination.
UNLUCKY: What you really have to come to terms with is that you will NEVER know why you were let go. You can assume that you were brought in to finish all the work and then let go. Or you can assume that the Company changed directions, it had nothing to do with you and you were simply an unfortunate casualty.
Either way there is something to be learned. Only you can figure out what the lesson for you is.
In the meantime, try to stop analyzing, replaying, deciphering, and questioning. It will only continue to mess with your mind. Move forward and consider yourself well rid of bad company. The bright side is that for a few months you had insurance, got a bonus and got severance.
Good luck in trying to get through the morass.
NANCY B-
Who are the “theys”
Do you realize that you are saying that “I pointed out others failings, that I did not pay attention to others, and that I did not back others Ideas.?
To get to the bottom of something , you ask question- not make unfounded statments not back ed up by information.
WHAT I should have done – it just came to me. WAS put on my cover letter that DUE TO A RE_STRUCTUERE of the legal department, I am seeking employment.
This is good inofrmation for everyone.
That was the reason I gave when asked. ANd I mentioned 4-week severeance. Period.
CYNTHIA
Well said. Ijust thought someone else might see somthing I missed. I will never know. AND to this day I do not., nor went I left the building. which is highly unusual. As were my mixed messages from my bosses. bad from GC. Great from asst. GC. THE end.
I do think that if you do make a comment, as NANCY B. did, they should answere to where they came up with it, not say I did this ,and this and this. WIth no information or imploed information to support the comment. OR that they said it wrong.
CYNTHIA
Well said. Ijust thought someone else might see somthing I missed. I will never know. AND to this day
Dear Unlucky,
I have been in organizations where directors and business managers were skirting the rules, creating wasteful projects, and flying under the radar collecting bonuses.
My role was to streamline the processes they participated in and change the way both they personally and others in thier role worked on a daily basis.
The thanks I recieved was to have my manager (Sr Dir), and his manager (Ex. Dir), and the CIO (VP) pelted with accusations that I was not a team player, did not communicate, and was damaging the organization.
Did they use those words, nope, they used very carefully scrubbed phrases that could not be seen as pointing to my gender or my age or my nationality. I was very lucky that all in the chain saw it for what it was and we had several very enjoyable lunches laughing over the attempts to stop progress.
Again, I have been commenting on my personal experiences, not yours.
After that job, it took me a year to land a permanent position, and in that year I lost so much money. The stress. was bad. The next job I did get, I was out of ther in 6 months BECAUSE the company could nto make payroll. NO- you cannot find that information out beforehand.
MOre emotion drama and more monetary loss. I was in Miami. I had to return home a year or so later.
By now my family thinks for sure there is something wrong with me. No wonder.
Got job at hometown, had to get out of it in 6 months, Insane amout of stress. Got another job and 3 months into it , my position was eliminated, the boss got a better job .
The stress and pressure from family. IN the end, it all caused a major meltdown.
WOrse scenario – yu can have a mayor meltdown or become homeless.
On the Positive – Bright side of life, you can soon get a good landing, with a few minimal bumps along the way.
My “STORY” did not turn out well. BUT that job was the only job I never knew why I was not there.
Thank you Nancy B.
Very intersting .DID they terminate you?
NANCY B.
YOu got pelted, you went out to lunch and laughed about it. NOW WHAT.
How does the story end???
MARIA
I feel for you. Keep breathing and wake up every day. That is intense.
I do not listen to the news or read the news papers. I will get one upset and more scared, if you are unemployed. It will fuel fears into your mind.
THE economy is in bad time. And if we get a Democrat in the HOUSE, the direction will turn for the better hopefully, but the wheels are slow to move – beurocracy.
AMEMA –
Great Comment. Very valuable.
That is what I did. I would be down at unemployment job searching and using their resources, I would just get bummed, start going negative. SO, I would pack up an leave quickly, and change directions and do something else. I swear., Laundry became theropeutic.
NANCY B
Somewhere, somehow someone thought you were not building positive relationships.
AGREED. BUT with who, what was I doing wrong, more important how I to correct it.
I knew the CRYPTIC talk ws not good, and it was a message. They went to vague, broad and cryptic.
It remained a mystery, so I could not fix it, but I could and did do my job.
ERIK
Cool post.
Since the day of the hunters and gathers, the goal of man has been to survive. At that point in time, survial only entailed food, shelter, clothing, bearing children and finding the Medicine Man.
In todays, mult-faced, fast- paced, global and computers et al, man’s goal remains survival. In order to survive in todays world, man must make money for necessary transaction to purchase shelter, food, and the Medicine Man now evolved to our Doctors, MD. and specialist MD.
When man is left with no job to make the money to pay for his essential needs to survive, man is in limbo as to what to do. And probably in need of the MEDICINE Man.
In the days of hunters and gathers, the men grouped together to survive. In todays society, man is shunned when he has no job, no money, and soon maybe no hunny. Man may need to go back to the basic and again use his hands to get work. In todays society, it is survival of the fittest, and everyman for himself. THe friends in the group run away from man and shun him, which man again in limbo and confusion. This is because man is by nature a gregarious fellow.
Indeed, unemployment is the hidden cost of capitalism. The economy is cyclical and when man lose his job, MAN, once again , must return to Hunting and Gathering. THE baics of survival 101.
THe above commentary is property of kmm.
Dear Unlucky,
The ‘end’ of the story… the CIO retired… the VP transitioned to a different role in another division… the Dir was let go in a massive layoff… I transfered to another group and eventually followed several former collegues to another company.
NANCY B
RE: the end. Thank you. Great Story and Great ending.
No temination and another place lined up. Success.
NANCY B.
I just re-read your original post. Great post. YOu have been thorugh the ropes and have come up on top. – Employed. Both you and your husband. Great news
NANCY B.
On your first job – reason for termination was: company could not make payroll, no money (lack of funs to pay employee. It is just that simple.
I have been there. Only my company refused to pay me, and of course refused to pay backwages. Why , company could not make payroll. Money going out, no money coming in. The whole company was under investigation by Wage and hour dept for not making payroll on many complaints filed with Wage and Hour. I learned that when I went there. I filed in small claims and after 3 months, got into court and finally got all my money due. FOr those 3 months, it went thorugh hati. I never re-covered – eventually had to leave Miami and return home in financial ruin.
Your second job. The Reason is : contract expired. From my limed knowledge of Contract LAw as a Paralegal, They are under no obligation to RE-New the COntract, unless the clause is in the Contract. If Company needs are not there to substantiate your continued employment., YOu or anyone is out of a JOb. Just that simple. It was obvious. Contract employers are exactly that.
Just for your information. Good to hear things are now in order. You both survived.
TO NANCY B and CYNTHIA-
Reply to comment:
someone thought I was not building “positive relationships” in the company.
WELL SAID.
I would characterize my “relationship” with my Big Boss, General Council (GC) as UNcomfortable at times and awkward. Any negative came from him, not me.
When I am listening to GC, trying to explain something to me, and he gets LOST and FLUSTERED, it is n awkward and uncomfortable, at best. It happens because he is INCOMPETENT. ANd I just sit there, and live through the awkwardness. ONE TIME, GC did it to outside council, and I later had cause to speak to outside counci, who said something about GC sure does get flustered. I said, oh, you noticed that.
When he spouts Negative COMMents to me, it is uncomfortable.
ALL the while, as I start to see, the CEO has caught onto his INCOMPETENCE, GC is removed from legal dept to another dept. dept, and GC Is Replaced End of December.
MY term of employment was August to January 6.
HOWEVER, while all this is going on, WHY DO THEY NOT terminate me, if I am such a bad employee. Instead, company keeps me there, rewards me monetarily, and THEN, On January 6, terminates me, when the buzy time ends.
At same time of my termination, GC is removed from his position. HE probably took me down with him.
There were attempts at set-ups which I managed to escape, and then there was the final set-up meant to stick.
SO , I did learn something – but nothing I could prevent. When the relationship between Boss and Employee is awkward , Nothing you can do about it. Yu do not know what is going on. On one hand, they keep rewarding you monetarily, and then GC still is giving you NEgative output.
Confusing, at best.
Here is some interesting news about how depression clouds judgment:
Sad people will sell for a lower price and pay a higher price than non-sad people.
Social psychologist Jennifer Lerner made subjects sad by showing them a sad movie. She showed the control group a neutral movie.
Then she gave each subject a list and asked how much they would sell or buy a various items for. The “sad” group consistently bid higher and sold lower than the control group.
(I don’t know about you, but I have felt for years that I should be asking for higher wages.)
This is in an interesting book called “Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive” by Noah J. Goldstein, Steve J. Martin and Robert B. Cialdini. The authors’ recommendation was that before negotiations people should concentrate only on numbers.
Maybe knowing about this study will help us all to go easier on ourselves.
thank you so much for this. I have been looking for a graduate job for 3 months now in my home country after being away for 10 years and one of the worse things is this feeling of loneliness, that you are the only one in this situation when everyone else [seems] to be doing great. It’s good to know that there are many people out there that actually feel the same.
I really admire all the postings here that give insight into how truly traumatic the job transition stage can be, and that in spite, there is no need to be ashamed. Also, how being jobless affects indeed every other aspect of your life, relationships, friendships, etc.
We shouldn’t forget the bigger picture, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, or like the Spanish song says, the sun goes up for everyone, maybe just on different days 😉
” Depression clouds everything and makes everything you look at negative. Your world is no longer
colourful and bright but grey and black and nothing seems exciting any more. Your thoughts have changed what you see and feel. In the same way your negative thoughts can create anxiety about situations you didn’t fear before.
In the same way severe anxiety can lead to depression, after all if your life is crippled by fear then you will not be happy or positive in your mind. Anxiety depression mind. These three are connected. Your mind is the key because the answer, along with any necessary treatment or medication, to recovery from anxiety or depression lies there.” [quote from depression-helper.com]
It makes sense.
TO DAVE
The bright side is : you are employed.
This is a bad economic climate. The reports are that the county has continued to lose jobs since January, every month.
AT this time, it is best to hold onto a job, until this blows over.
Salary negotiation when the number is put on the table is easy. Yu go higher, and wait for the counter.
BUT ,when you are in desperate need of the job, and the offer is suitable, I take the offer and do not negotiate. Best next thing, is prove yourself and later , negotiate for higher number, evidencing proof of you work accomplishments.
Hi Everyone!
During this time, I strongly believe you HAVE to take a day off from the search or go crazy! Since money is a problem, what are some of the things you do for fun, to just escape? (I think someone mentioned they had a ‘movie day’.) What do YOU do?
TO LINDA AND EVERYONE
THe vacation from the jobsearch. THis time of year, get out in nature, it calms the body. Put your feet in a creek.
Long walks – near nature. calms the head.
Bicycle riding, stay out of malls – it makes you want to buy.
I did movie day, all day long – rentals. GEt the right flicks, and escape. Escapism is what you need.
Laundry, theoputic. Hang clothes outside.
TO DAVE and AMANDA
WOW – I just re-read your comments. I feel your pain. I have lived it. Horrible, horrible, H….H….. situation it is. The understatement.
We are alone, in that no can help us really- but this board is great to get it out there – it is a least a temporary distraction while you are writing the living nightmare – you and myself have found ourselves in. Friends disappear and will no longer even listen to you. It is cruel. We get left with no one to talk to – Me I am single.
Personally, I am anti-therapist. The only good ones are “COGNITIVE” therapist – and again you have to find the right fit. What we need is money and they can’t pay our rent, mortgage etc – so what can they really do. If you do happen to find a good one , to at least talk to- that is a good thing.
BUT they can be trouble to. I find yourself getting upset at “thearpy”, [lets face it folks, this is distressing and upsetting situation tme] they write you up in their notes as ANGRY. And that can lead to bad repercussions for your – so beware. That is why I do not go to one. AT least on here, I can smoke and drink my de-caff coffee to help with the stress, INStead of being cornered in a room with a therapist and no tools to help me deal with my stress.
At least this board offers us somewher to write it out, WHEN we need to at that moment. WHEN things get bad, you need someone to talk to RIGHT NOW. Not next week at your scheduled therapist meeting. Because at that point – the “friends” disapear and cease to listen. It is cruel – but an unfortunate fact of life.
I myself, afte recovering from a 14 month nervous breakdown January ’07, from job loss, and still not fully recovered – I am not facing EVICTION. I am on disability and cannot to afford to have another breakdown. When things went to the extreme of bad- I had to move into a Private house, a small rowhouse with another working female. I moved in November 1, 2005. Diaganosed “Sick” December 6, 2005. The breakdown had happened. From way too much stress, abandonement from family, and now unable to work. I finally got DIsability 4/2007.
The Homeowner I live with is a full blown ALCOHOLIC, yu find that out after you get there. [yeah shehas a ful-time job] SHE had to come hoem from work early today, ALCHOLIC sick. Of course, by 4:40 pm she had to get out of the house to DRINK and is at some guys place tonight.
I have lived through several FIRES she stared – drinking and cooking- AND when these fires start- she does nothing and I am left to deal with it. Bottom line – she cares nothing about safety. BOttome line, she is evicting me , due to a safety issue- FIRST written notice came today, registed mail.
My Family has one again abandoned me . It is all my fault, according to them. BUT they are finger pointers and always kick the dog when it is down. That is their MO.
I am very worried about my heath right now. I have been a wreck since the safety issue of June 18, 2008 – and her following verbal threats that she wants me out of here. It took me 4-6 weeeks to find this place and I was living in a motel, with no one to bother me. NOW, I live in hell000000 again, with a nightmare landlord in the house stressing me out.
ALL these doctors can do is now is DRUG you up. – great, stop gap, BUT when you have to take so many, it is not safe to drive, so I don’t.
IF I had money – I would never be here to begin with and second, I would be out of her in a flash.
LIFE is something else , especially when it keeps handing you – WHAT has been wriiten on the forum.
Yes, I contacted an attorney, landlord-tenant attorney, of course. THey will be handling the matter, as far as I know, as of Thursday. IT just never ends for me.
AND I know some of you folks are living your own nightmare. I know it all, when it comes to nightmares
SO- thanks for the FORUM. WHEN you need to talk, RIGHt NOW – at least we can get it out here. No one else is listening.
GOOD NEWS:
PRESIDENT BUSH JUST RECENTLY SIGNED THE EXTENTION BILL.
Quote from the Press: THE EXTENTION COVERS PEOPLE EXHAUSTING BENEFITS BETWEEN NOVEMBER 2006 AND MARCH 2009
Notices are being sent out- make sure you follow-up yourself and apply.
13-week extention. do not get a p/t job before you get your extention.
I have helped plenty on this forum, got to go now.
Thanks, Jason. Funny to think that you weren’t certain if this would get any responses! I’ve actually set an appointment to talk with a doctor, today about stress, anxiety, and mental ugliness. Interesting to come across this post at this time.
Something that has helped me in the past was looking up some famous people who suffered depression. Drew Carey has been quite open about his struggles. Those who are prone to depression are actually some of the most creative people on the planet; some say this is because their perspectives are more well rounded than others. If we can take these good points and the stories of others, it can be a big help.
It’s also very embarrassing to seek help, for most. For me it has been. It’s like some admission of weakness. My part-time employer understands when another employee ends up in the hostpital for challenges with bloodflow; but a mental challenge is often seen as weak; unnecessary; or made-up. Perhaps an excuse, or being lazy. If it’s not seen like that by others (as society seems to have had much more exposure to this sort of thing), it’s still easy to see this in ourselves.
There’s good news, tho. Often, there are some methods or practises available today that weren’t around even 10 years ago. People in my family have suffered PTSD and other forms of depression or anxiety. Some have been able to start on some medications, sort of ‘train’ their bodies and minds using these, and then ween themselves off. For others, there are indeed imbalances in the hormones, liver, thyroid, etc. that, when assisted, can help folks function normally (or much closer to normal – whatever that is).
Well, the other night I woke my wife up because I was concerned as to the direction of my own thoughts; and where they might lead. I made her promise that if I didn’t call and ask for some assistance, she would. That was a great move – as when we’re feeling ‘normal’, we’re in control. There doesn’t seem to be a problem at all; certainly nothing that we can’t handle. Yet, when we’re feeling low, we don’t feel empowered to do much of anything; including reaching out for help.
If things are getting tough, and you and your family (and job, if you have one or are looking for one) are affected, make a promise to yourself to call a doctor’s office. Then, keep that promise. My best to you, whoever is reading this. You’re important.
–Dave
Indeed this is a timely topic. The small company I worked for downsized and I was “let go”. From the start I felt surprisingly teary-eyed. I was a little shocked, anxious, sad…so many feelings. Being the one in the company with a finger constantly on the pulse of the financial condition, I knew for some time the “downsizing” would occur and that my job would be on the chopping block. Why then the rush of emotion now that it has occured? I am so sensitive to criticism of any kind now. I have a fear deep in my gut that does not go away. My mind is reeling. I have thoughts, feelings, and reactions that are not indicative of typical me. Just as some of the others that have posted here, I have faced the end of a relationship (one week before losing the job), and a death in the family (two weeks before losing the job). You go from working all the time…in early out late, weekends, canceling vacations, the whole nine…to…suddenly, nothing. It suddenly comes to a screeching halt. It is almost overwhelming. There are so many emotions to work through. All the while you try to put on a happy face. You feel shame too, that you were let go and so you don’t share the news with people close to you. You keep it to yourself because you don’t want to burden the minds of those you love. You try to move forward, but the swirling thoughts and emotions prove difficult to penetrate. It is a real phenomenon and although I do not wish the experience on another person, It does help to hear from others that share similar experiences with the loss of employment. Loss is real.
TO DAVE:
Good post. Look up Mike Wallace and depression. He speaks very openly about it.
Depression and anxiety. Two nasty animals. When unemployed, you are rejected by society, and you are worried about money. (see my post about SURVIVAL.
Yes, we lose a job, then after time, we lose control over our life becausee are “routine” of life does not exist – plus the big, big issue of money.
FIrst you are depressed, then you are anxious which leads to constant anxiety. The weird thng is that when you are in this anxious state, fighting to survive, you may also have underlying depression, unknown to you.
THe mind can only handle so much, and if it goes on overload, it shuts down, your body shuts down – and it is not fun. I love your term “mental uglyness-. you see, once yu get a job, this too shall pass.
There is a great medication called “Buspar”, a non-addictive anxiety drug. Ask you doctor about it. Takes a few weeks to work, feel wierd for 20 minutes after you take it, then goes away, then stops all together. Just make sure that whatever doc prescribes, your dose is not too high. THey do that, lots of them.
the good thng for you is your p/t job. It helps give stability and routine bak into your life.
Good luck, and you will be ok.
TO PERPLEXED
Woh – yu have been hit by a lot of “biggies” – All of your emotions are natural and normal, but certainly uncomfortable, to say the least.
I say go to you primary physician to get stabilized. It will only be temporary till yu land a job, and get through all the rest.
Hey, I’m really depressed about my jobless situation. There are no jobs out there that I’m even remotely interested in and feel there is no place, no niche in the employment world for me. I’m not motivated to job hunt or apply anywhere. I hate the jobs that ARE out there; I would not survive. What I would enjoy doing, there is nothing available or it pays diddly f. shit for wages on which I could not survive, much less live. What to do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. All is inanity.
SMoriah — how about dropping the “I am interested” part, and focus on making a living first.
I think we often care about our feelings more than our stomachs, hence our suffering.
Good luck.
Hanover,
You’re not very sympathetic, are you? Where are your feelings? From your statement, you’d rather eat and overeat than express yourself emotionally. Right now, I don’t g.a.d. about “making a living” because there’s nothing in the employment world worth all that I am, which includes all of my mind, my emotions, and my physical self.
Where’s your f. support? What do you think this blog is for? Did you not read “I’m really depressed…?” Don’t bother replying to this; I don’t need to hear from you.
I am back to looking for a job. Found something after 7 months out of work but because I was desperate, I took a job with a “startup” company. My advice: don’ t do it! Yes, some startups can be successful, i.e. Google but I found the company to be disorganized, not paying me my expense checks on time, and a lack of good management. Far better to wait for a reputable company that has been around awhile. I should have thought this out before I took the position but I was tired of looking for a job. Three people left within 2 days and the manager became unavailable. Yes, there is always turnover over in companies, but with this company the handwriting was on the wall. You must do your research on a company, ask a lot of questions when you interview. I know it’s difficult because even if you do ask all the right questions, things may not work out. I am going to network and do more research the next time.
I was fired eight years ago from a job I thought I would have till retirement. Well, fool that I was, but there you go. At that time I was lucky enough to get another job right away–at much less salary and a hellish commute, but the job itself was less stressful and more satisfying in some ways. But it’s still a blow to the self-esteem, at least for me it was. “What kind of a person fails like that?” That sort of thing.
Now it’s hitting again. Not that I anticipate losing this job, but I can’t even get an interview for anything with a better salary, or closer to home, or reachable by public transportation, or with responsibilities more befitting my long experience. Basically, it’s become crystal clear that in my late fifties, I am unemployable and a complete failure.
If I didn’t have kids who might be saddened and hurt, I think I’d kill myself. In the past I’ve eventually come to think there might still be possibilities, but not any more. Not at my age, with my limitations and defects of character, in this dead-end profession in this sinking economy. It’s the end this time.
Sorry, Jason, I shouldn’t have hijacked the conversation that your excellent post started. (Everyone, please exercise your option to ignore this useless rambling!) Thank you for sharing your experience and your reflections on it.
Rich, I can relate. I will be 59 a week from tomorrow. I’ve been unemployed since April. I have to force myself to keep looking; the rejection is discouraging. I’m at least glad you HAVE a job even though it may not be what you want. Please keep trying though.
Thanks for the kind words, Linda, I appreciate it. It’s very hard to keep going in both our circumstances, and I respect greatly that you keep forcing yourself. Strength and good luck to you.
I have an Ivy League degree and an MBA. I finished the MBA in May and am still looking, and a lot of my classmates are in the same boat. One of them finished in December and hasn’t found anything permanent yet. At first I wasn’t worried – hey, I have an MBA, good experience, I’m 28 so I have a little knowledge but there’s still plenty to teach me, plus I have the energy to work long hours, etc. And I had a savings cushion to use (single, no husband to support me). That’s just about gone now. I have credit card debt, which I have never had before. My student loans are in their grace period, so at least I’m not responsible for them yet, but when I am, I’ll probably have to take an economic hardship deferment. I had to borrow September’s rent from my family, which I hate – don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that they are able to help, but I am a VERY proud person and don’t like asking for help. I barely buy groceries and I walk everywhere so I don’t have to spend money on the subway (I live in NYC). I have insomnia from the stress – even Ambien, which used to work wonders, doesn’t help. I’m on all the job boards, I am a champion networker … still I have many days where my phone is totally silent. I’ve had four interviews and one offer that I declined for several reasons, plus about a million informational/networking interviews.
The worst thing? I can’t even get a job temping. I’m not proud when it comes to work – I’ll file your papers, I’ll Xerox your stuff, I’ll do your data entry. But no one wants an admin temp with an MBA; I’m overqualified. So that sends me into a spiral of “I have this top-notch education and I can’t even get a job making copies. I must be a failure.” The one slightly bright spot is that I have a freelance project, but it doesn’t pay enough to live on and I just started it and I only get paid once a month, so I haven’t seen money yet. I think I’ll have to dust off the bartending license I got in college (and haven’t used since).
One thing that does help is exercise. I still have my gym membership and take a spinning class; it helps to see people and to establish a little routine. And the weather has been nice here, so it’s been good to get outside and go for a run, get the endorphins going.
Hi, everybody, I have been looking forward to the day when I could tell you that I have a new job, after my depressing entry on June 17. I sincerely hope that many of the people sharing their feelings on this board forget to return and tell us when their lives start looking up again.
After a recent string of job disasters I find it hard to trust my boss. I’ve been there since the beginning of last week and I can’t get over the feeling that he wants to replace me. I chalk that up to my own jaded perception and hope I will get over it.
Anyway, I’m grateful to be working, and I wish you all well in your searches.
Great news, Katherine! I assume you meant, “I sincerely hope that many of the people sharing their feelings on this board forget to return and tell us when their lives start looking up again,” right? It’s a good reminder for all of us. I don’t anticipate it happening in my case, but if it does, I’ll let everyone know and let it be an inspiration–if it turns out that I am able to get an interview and even another job–believe me, it will mean that anyone can!
I think I know the feelings you describe in the second paragraph. And as long as you’re doing your best work and keeping aware of what’s going on around you, I’d say you’re wise to chalk it up to “jaded perception.” Bad experiences really can color your thinking when you’re long since out of the environment those experiences happened in. A few weeks ago, I came back from lunch to find on my chair a big fat envelope from the business office with my name on it. I was flooded with panic and the only thing I could think was, “My God, it’s happening again, they’re firing me.” It turned out to be nothing of the sort, just a routine update on our insurance plan, but for long, tense moments, until I steadied my hands enough to open the envelope and look inside, my conviction was absolute that I was about to see documentation of the grounds for my termination.
You just have to keep those feelings under control and keep reminding yourself that that’s not the external reality, I think.
Oh, for Pete’s sake. What I *meant* to say in that second sentence was:
I assume you meant, “I sincerely hope that many of the people sharing their feelings on this board *don’t* forget to return and tell us when their lives start looking up again,” right?
Sorry! “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
Thanks for clarifying, Rich. What I meant to say was “I hope that people ARE FORGETTING” (present imperfect instead of subjunctive, thank you, Mme. Dispas) I don’t see a lot of people coming back and saying, “Thanks, everyone, for your support. I got a job and you will, too.” I hope that means that people who post here about their depression all get jobs that keep them so busy that they cannot dash back and post their good news.
For the future, I wish that people *would not* forget to share their good news.
I wish you all well with your searches. I will continue to follow your posts.
Congratulations, Katharine! I will definitely come back here with any good news.
Rich, glad you are hanging in. I know it’s not easy. After working so hard and working towards certifications etc. on my own time, I feel as if I’ve wasted the last ten yrs. in my field. Intellectually, I know that no amount of education and experience is wasted, but my intellect and self-esteem are on disconnect right now. Does that make sense? I look at my resume and I see all the things I have done, all the skills I have; it just doesn’t make me feel confident in this job market. I’m still fumbling for the key to it all.
I lost my job due to a life crisis and went immediately into depression because I loved my job and thought I’d be there for at least 10 years and it had only been 1. However, I got a call the next day I lost my job from another employer who heard about what happened to me and he hired me on the spot. He let me work part time while on government assistance as I went through recovery for depression and that kept me sane. I don’t think I would have kept moving on without his support. What a blessing he was. I was then able to do research in the medical journals and put a recovery plan together as antidepressants only made things worse for me.
A sense of self worth from having a job and the support of people around me while I did my recovery plan was what got me through!
I am a musician who is out of work and has little to no motivation to work in that field…..I have no experience doing anything else, and I am soon turning to be 50 years old…..I have no other job experience. I don’t even know where to start…..it’s been very difficult just getting out of bed……
Hi Ray,
With your life of music, what has accompanied it? Long hours? Perhaps drugs? Alcohol? Major stress? Knowing musicians myself, I have observed what comes with this lifestyle. Like a hamster on a wheel, you can begin to feel like you’re going nowhere fast.
Sleep deprivation, lack of sunshine, lack of exercise and proper diet can easily attribute to this. Would this perhaps be a part of your routine?