I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.
I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).
But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.
First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.
In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.
This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control. But even when you have a high locus of control, depression clouds everything.
The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.
Depression Clouds Everything Especially with Life Hitting Us from Every Which Way
And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.
When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN – it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”
But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded because I was desperate. And, depression clouds everything
Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.
It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!
Depression Clouds Everything Even How We Would Normally Think
I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.
A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.
Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.
His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.”
I was speechless. This was a big part of why I needed to write this Depression Clouds Everything post.
For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.
The Enemy of Depression Is Hope
I’m updating this post in 2022. I want to preserve much of the original post since it resonated so much with people, and because it is a snapshot of where I was in my growth journey.
Years after I wrote this Depression Clouds Everything post I met Dick Bolles in person. I was fortunate to get some time with him at a restaurant. It was, I can say, life changing. Please read this post about that lunch, and why it impacted me.
I’m not going to say that understanding options, or having more hope, will eliminate depression. That would be too simplistic. But I know that having options, having something to hope for, can change how you feel and think. I went through that. Options found me, my hope went from zero to a hundred, and depression melted away. You can’t force this on anyone, or yourself, but it’s an awesome dynamic that might help.
I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post, Depression Clouds Everything, or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.
Sounds like alternatives to pay the bills might be what is needed sometimes. Here are some options:
* If you have basic office skills (e-mail, Word, Excel, etc.) register at a temp agency for short-term or temp-to-perm assignments. If you are an accountant, there is AccountTemps, etc. Also, legal temps, etc. With luck these can lead to real jobs. Or, they can just pay the bills.
* Indeed.com is a “job aggregator” which has a gigantic database of curent jobs including those advertised on sites like Monster and CareerBuilder (but not Craigslist), posted in local newspaper classifieds and associations, and on employers’ Web sites. Search by keywork, like job title, and location (city and state). Think Google for jobs! Then, on the search results page, check the left column where you can sort the results by employer, full-time/part-time, city, etc. VERY flexible and the biggest collection of job postings you’ll find.
* Check Craigslist’s “gigs” section for project and short-term postings (check the “jobs,” too, for more traditional job postings). Craigslist is focused on location, so pick your location to find the gigs close to you. And, postings are presented in reverse chronological order so the newest are at the top and the ones 30 days old are at the bottom. Craigslist is free to post jobs on (except in 11 big cities like NYC, Chicago, LA, etc.), so the scammers post their junk too – ignore it. Don’t post your resume there unless you use an anonymous e-mail account (gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, MSN, etc.) as your identification –
*** DO NOT POST your name, address, and home phone number openly on Craigslist or anywhere else on the Internet!!!!
* Using an anonymous e-mail address and cell phone number (Google it to see if it is unlisted) to protect your privacy, post fliers in grocery stores and the local library if you can offer services like baby sitting, dog walking, errand running, etc. Post those same service offerings on Craigslist, too.
* If you have a large house or apartment with an empty bedroom (or 4), open a bed and breakfast or weekend inn or take in local college students or visiting faculty members. Do all this with a careful eye on your personal security! And, check with your local government to see if there are licenses or other requirements you need to meet to be legitimately open for business.
* If you have talents that people would pay for (writing, home decorating, cooking, cleaning, handy-man fixup skills, etc.) or can be available when most people are at work to take elderly relatives to doctors appointments, drop off/pick up the dry cleaning or do the grocery shopping, etc. look for local Websites that offer those service and see if you can get listed. Do the Craigslist thing, etc.
* Forbes has published a list of the most successful and easy to start work-from-home businesses that can serve as a bridge for you until you land your new job – or it may become your new job! Here’s the link – https://www.forbes.com/2007/11/07/small-business-whirlpool-ent-manage-cx_mf_1107biztomorrow_slide_2.html?thisSpeed=15000 – copy and paste this whole URL into your browser to see this article.
Finally, put your network to work. If you are over 40, you have a great network – much better than the kids do! Former co-workers and bosses, fomer college and high school classmates, former clients and customers. Get back in touch with the people you liked the best, just to find out what’s going on with them. Find out what’s happening with them. See if there’s anything you can help them with. And then ask them if they know any employers who are hiring people doing what you want to do (KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!!).
If you went to college, get back in touch with your college to see if the career center helps alumni too. And, don’t back away if you didn’t graduate from the school. Harvard University considers anyone who attended for one semester as an alumnus. If Harvard is that flexible, your school probably is, too. They may offer you career counselling, help with your resume, and other alums to contact in specific companies or industries.
It’s scary, but you WILL survive! Good luck!
Hello everyone:
I have lost every paralegal job I got. THus, I must be doing something wrong – I suspect I am a loser. Whatever, the problem – I ruined my life.
After almost 2 years on my training paralegal job – I moved on to anther job in the city of Philadelphia. Turned out to be a nighmare- really crazy boss- he reduced my pay afer 3 months from 15/hr to 10/hr because he said he could not get enough work out of me. Luckily – the girl who worked there before told me it was not me, it is him. You are in a bad place – and she got me hooked up with a legal temp agency – and I worked for them about 1year and some months.
Yeah, I was depressed badly during winter while temping – working and going no where.
Yes, I interviewed for 3 permanent jobs in a row, no offer – I got burnt out on rejection and kept temping. Bad side of temping, no benefits and paycheck to paycheck- but I had no debt. I did have an offer at one temp assignment – but I screwed it up. Yeah, I blew it. I was worried I would not have enough paralegal work, thus not acquiring more skills – and at 30K with benefits in the city- still paycheck to paycheck. Onward to more temping.
GOt a job offer in Miami- moved – and was late the first day. My fault. After a 2 day long drive- I partied and was late the first day. Yeah, I screwed up – and although I was never late again- I was put out in 10 days.
Having made some contacts- I got another job as a legal secretary within a few months – And that went wrong in 30 days. I did not meet the 2nd attorney I would be working for until the day I arrived and she did not like me. Finally set me up that I lost a time-sheet at end of 30 days- which I knew I never got that particular time-sheet and was out in 30 days. THings are not going well. Depression and stress and anxiety. So worried about money.
A few months later, I get a job offer as a Paralegal for a small and growing successfull corporation. I was jumping on air. Good pay with bonus program and all the benefits. But it went wrong. (I went wrong) I did my job, I was not imcompetent. But I kept getting mixed messages from my big boss – who I was very uncomfortable around. It was wierd. They signed me up for benefits, I got a 1200 x-mas boonus and was out the door in January – the company slow time. One man said that I was “used for the busy last quarter and then laid off when it was over. They gave me a 1-month severence package. Man- the depression that followed that job loss was bad – plus the anxiety of money.
I was upside down and scared to death and getting very anxious. I was falling apart. By the way- I was a runner – so I do not know what I did wrong.
1 year later I get a paralegal job at another corporation. BUt, find out 6 months into it- they can’t make payroll and I had a shorted check- NEVER trusted them again. SO I was out – and had to sue them for my back-wages. Ugly company – went bankrupt – came out of bankruptcy and got bought out. So what – I was already screwed.
After 1 year of a nightmare – find myself living in motels – I was suppose to sign a new lease the weekend the company jerked my paycheck – I did not sign- and that is how I ended up in motel living. Very bad- not stable living- got a bad job at a national plumbing- an unstable plumber threatened to throw me up against a wall because I spoke with a collecge eduation – and my plumber boss was hitting on me and would not stop. I was out in 6 weeks. Manager- he was weak – and put me out bcause he could not control his staff.
Depression and anxiety and fear. No way to live.
Finally moved home with parents. I am so in debt. Got a Paralegal job- great benefits including paid for health insurance. Worked for 2 attorneys – and one stressed me out so bad- I was out in 6 months. More depression and parents breathing down my neck. More anxiety.
GEt another job- and position eliminated after 3 months. Unbelievable.
Parents decide I am “crazy” – keep calling police to try and get me committed. I was losing my mind tring to keep it together – Was so stressed out did not know that I was also depressed.
GOt a part-time job telemarketing 5pm to 9pm to hold fort down. Problems again. A pregnant girl decides to take her problems out on me one night and I am out the next day.
Finally- parents threw me out – I eventually move in as a rooomate- I am in such bad shape- So stressed – I had a nervous breakdown . Now I cannot work and live on disability. After the breakdwon- depression comes along with it- I was so stressed all the time from all the job losses – that I did not knwo how depressed I was.
The end. I ruined my own life – yeah I am depressed – as I have no one to blame but myself.
This is an excellent post. I have been unemployed/underemployed for awhile now and have been struggling to stay positive and keep forging ahead. It is nice to see that I am not alone in my struggle. Someone earlier commented on the rejection, self-doubt, etc. I have always been an overachiever and pushed myself to do my very best, was involved in a million different things, etc, but this job search has caused my confidence to slide. Even talking to friends is difficult because when they ask what I have been doing it is the same answer everyday “Searching for a job”.
I’ve decided I’m going to take a different approach (ie not scour 15 different job boards 8 hours a day) and start learning things that I’ve been meaning to learn for awhile.
If anyone wants to talk about their job search or brainstorm about creative ideas to go about it, please let me know.
Good luck to everyone – I hope we all find jobs that are the right fit for us!
In many ways, you are not to blame. The initial mistreatment by several employers put you into a bad emotional state of lost self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. It is very hard to even think clearly, much less perform well, in this frame of mind. It’s a shame you didn’t end up getting some career counseling early on to help you turn the original negative outcomes into simple learning experiences, so that you could go on and find something stable and better.
Your story is happening all too often. Employers have their pick of so many applicants that they can fire without any thought, as they can have someone else step in the same day. Employers seem to have little interest in people as human beings and don’t bother to monitor the actions of their mid-level managers, their partners, etc. to assure that they are not running amok over lower-level employees. In many places, employees have no rights and no recourse.
These are difficult times in which to find yourself unemployed. Thorough research of any company that you’re considering going to work for is SO important.
Try to take a step back and get some perspective. Try not to allow yourself any longer to feel like a victim of your early bad experiences! Bad, unfair treatment by employers doesn’t make you a loser, or a “ruiner” of your life. Let it make you wiser and more prepared to go on and find something safe and stable. Very best wishes to you!
I too am unemployed, and am fed up with the way management treats their \”subordinates,\” especially those that work their butt off, and get the job done. I\’ve been in situations where those who goof off, and kiss up, keep their jobs indefinitely, and those that work the hardest, who get the job done, who even work overtime and don\’t have a life, get picked on for every little thing they do wrong, get written up, and then let go.
Florida, where I live, is a \”right to work\” state, whereby you can be terminated \”without due cause.\” But management, instead of just telling you that you are no longer needed, or that they need to cut back and then let you go, have to protect their a@@ by making up reasons for them to fire you so you don\’t get unemployment. They doctor evaluations so you are just under the score to keep your job. They reject any attempts to bring problems to their attention that affect morale, their job, etc. If problems are taken \”up the company line,\” and even to human resources, things do not change for the better.
I really love to work, and I\’ve enjoyed most of the jobs I\’ve had; it\’s the management I can\’t stand. I really don\’t have the desire to work anymore, due to knowing how employers treat you in spite your hard work and great intentions. I\’ve read blogs on \”Whywork.org,\” and understand that many job hunters have given up the job hunt, and have left the work force completely. Unemployment statistics don\’t even count these anymore. I would love to retire, but I\’m only 45.
I just wish management would treat human beings \”humanly.\”
I read an online article today on Yahoo\’s HotJobs entitled \”Survey Hightlights Managers\’ Role in Job Satisfaction.\” From all my years in the employment world, this has been my experience. I\’ve loved all my jobs. It\’s the management and their management style that leaves something to be desired.
Florida is a \”right to work\” state, read \”right to be terminated at the pleasure of Big Business.\” After all, we do sign an application that states we \”may be terminated without due cause.\” While you are employed, Big Business Management treats you like a machine.
You know, you walk up to a computer, a teller, your lawn mower, your car, a light switch, a faucet, and with the touch of a button, or the insertion of an object in just the right place, you demand the machine start working and get the job done. Likewise, Management will walk up to you, and say, \”Here. Do this,\” and walk nonchalantly away.
Most of us, myself included (most of the time), don\’t walk up to a machine and ask how it\’s doing. \”Hey, did you have a good day?\” or \”You seem to be running slow today. What seems to be the matter? Did you have a bad day, a bad weekend?\” We don\’t stop to thank our machines, or praise our printers for not jamming.
Unless you are into Zen Buddhism, like Robert Pirsig\’s Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
We tend to replace our old, and excellent working machines, and replace them with newer ones. We spend more money doing this. And we keep the machines we own that don\’t work well, or even work at all, for sentimental reasons. Likewise, Management tends to \”get rid of\” industrious healthy machines, for cheaper and newer models, while keeping the lackadaisical ones. They spend more money doing this.
Machines have model and serial numbers. When they break down or aren\’t wanted, they are gotten rid of and replaced with updated, more or less expensive versions. Human beings go by first name. Whey they break or die, they cannot be replaced. Machines do not laugh, smile or cry. With a few exceptions, human beings do not \”get rid\” of other human beings for breaking down or aging. When human beings break down, as they often do, they do cry.
What happened to treating employees for who they are – human beings – on the road of life? What is taught in Business schools, Management courses, in meetings? Can there be such a thing as Humanistic Management?
Does your president/CEO ever stop by to just say \”hello\” to his/her fellow human beings? Why not treat your subordinates like you would treat your beloved dog, \”Hey first name! How was your day?\” And in return, your dog is happy to see you and please you to no end.
I\’d rather be treated like a dog than a machine.
Happily unemployed!
I’m amazed at where this has come from, and what YOU are sharing here.
I wonder, would anyone be interested in a one hour teleseminar from one of my partners? I haven’t asked them, but I think we might be able to get one of them to have a teleseminar to help answer some of the questions that are coming up here.
Yes, a teleseminar would be great! How would this happen? from what perspective and what are the intended results?
Yes, I think it’s a good idea. There are so many of us who could use some job hunt advice. Also, some advice on how to deal with the ongoing depression as a result of the job market we deal with on a day to day basis.
Employees need to take back Big Business, the power they wield, from Corporate America. Low to middle income employees are suffering due to big corporations. The rich get richer and the poor hard-workers get poorer.
Another thing that bothers me is micromanagement. There is a total lack of trust with managers supervising their employees. Not to say that some people DO need to be managed, but I’ve had supervisors who checked my work, everything that I did, for the entire six years I was there, and another who specified minute things had to be in an exact order; diversion from this order, even though everything was done, was strictly forbidden.
My self-esteem has been shot through and through. I’m completely tired of the way things are right now.
Jason,
I would be interested in a teleseminar as well. If you can put it together please do so and let us know. I’m always open tohearing new perspectives when I can.
Jason – you know you can count me in!
Louri
Jason, Count me in, too. Sounds like an interesting idea. Hey–anything that will help with this black hole it feels like we’ve all fallen into!!
Count me in on the teleseminar
Reply – it is hard to get counseling for what went wrong on the job, when you do not really know yurself. Seriously, unless that counselor was a “fly on the wall” – it would all be speculation as to what kind of “behavior” I was exhibiting on the job.
Strange part is – I am very good at my Paralegal work. I always get unemployment (nothing to brag about, for certain) and I am never let go for incompetence or anything specific to be concerned about. 2 of my paralegal jobs , I wanted out- because my attorney-boss was stressing me out so bad- I knew how to do my job. Oh, well – and sometimes you are never told why you are being terminated – just some lame vague cryptic statement – the same ones you have been getting .
I was a working paralegal for 10 years – and unemployed for lost of time at the end. Bazaar things kept happening – but as it is said – if you find yourself packing up your desk every 6 months – it is not the boss- it is You.
All this job loss – messes with your head. And during this nightmare rollercoaster of emotions and spirling down – as Jason wrote- Your judgment gets clouded as you are desperate.
As a counselor – I know that a good counselor can help you get to the root – only when you are ready to get to that deeper level. It is hard, there are a lot of bad counselors – therapists – that watch the clock and say \”I\’ll see you next week\”.
I take a very different approach, my clients come are not bound by time – yes I have to set limits, but if I have a new client and it is over the phone – I seriously block 3 hours of time. Not that it is needed, it is just in case. I scribble all over the place – listening for key words that the client is saying! Yes I actually listen – no 2 people are the same, and I refuse to put labels on them. That is left to their doctor and if they want to be labeled that is their choice as well.
When you are looking for a counselor or therapist – interview them – it is your life not theirs. If they are not a good fit – if they do not challenge your mind – if they do not help you empower yourself, then they are not for you! I know many counselors who \”keep\” patients for years – the true job of a counselor is to assist that person in getting to the root (heart) of the issue (s) and EMPOWERING them with the tools and the support that they need.
Smiles to all – looking forward to whatever Jason is brewing up!
Louri
Gina says: ” In many ways, you are not to blame. The initial mistreatment by several employers put you into a bad emotional state of lost self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. It is very hard to even think clearly, much less perform well, in this frame of mind. It’s a shame you didn’t end up getting some career counseling early on to help you turn the original negative outcomes into simple learning experiences, so that you could go on and find something stable and better.”
Hello Gina- thanks for the reply – to whoever it was for. In many ways – even as I walked out the door-
I felt that it was not all my fault – or I was not to blame for all of the mishapps – BUT- it still seems, as it did when it happened- that so many bazaar things can keep happening causing termination- and I do not know what exactly I am doing wrong – the lesson I am suppose to have learned from what I did wrong. Truthfully, I think I have had too many bad experiences that I did not cause- but I do not know that for certain. I only know for certain- it happened, over and over again, and I had a complete breakdown.
Laurie says:
“As a counselor – I know that a good counselor can help you get to the root – only when you are ready to get to that deeper level. It is hard, there are a lot of bad counselors – therapists – that watch the clock and say “I’ll see you next weekâ€. ”
I say – How the heck are the counselors suppose to understand anthing- they only know what you tell them- I think sometimes yu just don not know- and with all of the anxiety I had- who knows-
No disrespect to you Laurie.
I posted earlier that ” I am never let go for incompetence or anything specific to be concerned about. ”
That is incorrect – I needed to be concerned about the “something” that kept causing termination – But I never figured it out – do not want to anymore.
I know it is tough – no disrespect taken….that is why not only listening, looking at body language, hearing where the pauses come – where there is resistance and being kind and gentle make the difference between someone who will make a difference in someone elses\’s life – a positive difference – I could write for miles about this issue – the biggest thing is how do you feel?
Louri
To unlucky:
Yes, my reply was to you. I do think that it’s possible for a series of unfair, unethical, and possibly illegal things to happen to you in the workplace that perpetuate this downward spiral that then makes you feel as though there is something wrong with you. In reality, in these cases, you started out fine–but the unfortunate incidents piled up to convince you that you are less than perfect, that you can’t succeed, and that there is something wrong with you. I have had these exact feelings, yet when I step back (mentally, of course) and look logically at each instance, I can see that I did not do anything wrong, and that this series of missteps has caused me to bog down and lose optimism. I get down on myself–and it’s the hardest thing in the world to come across as positive and “solution-oriented” to prospective employers when you’re in this frame of mind.
Has anyone read the novel or seen the film WHEN NIETZCHE WEPT (copyright 2007); It’s based on the novel by Irvin Yalom? Existential! Subjects dealt with are despair, nothingness, love, psychoanalysis, “talk therapy.” Quite appropriate for our group.
Thanks for the book recommendation, I’ll have to check that out. Someone I know recommended a podcast to me called Morningcoach.com. It is a 10 minute podcast that you can download and listen to every morning to give you a boost of positive energy.
Reply to Gina – that was a great post. Thank you – that pretty much sums it all up. Starting with all the job losses in miami, FL beginning 2/99 to
Eventually- by 8/2005 – I had lost my confidence completely.
By 11/2005 – my complete nervous breakdown happened and happened for 14-15 mo. Very bad- that is why I am on disability. GOt very messed up.
I know life is not fair- maybe that is what happened – and I was not the cause of everything. I had such a long spell of bad to worse. oh well. it is done. I can no longer WOrk. Now I need a cognitive therapist to hep me get my confidence back – or whatever they can do- No one can understand a “breakdown” unless you have one. I do not expect anyone to understand- in essence you lose all coping skills – due to stress and pressure cooker you are in- and then the body shuts down and you cannot function at all. Enough of that – no need to relive. Just trying to live again for now.
To Lauri: When you are in the midst of job seeking- no time for therapy- takes too long to find one that is a match for you. And second- when I am in the office structure, together and working- I am a different person in therapy – at work we have to act a certain way. Be agreeable and do our job. as I said. Someone would have to be a “fly on the wall” while I was at work to see the dynamics- because I only know my perspective – not how it relates to my boss and co-workers.
To unlucky:
You have my empathy and support. I think your UserName here is interesting–“unlucky”–it says that some part of you realizes that it’s not that you are not entirely flawed and at fault, but that bad events out of your control conspired to break down your self-confidence. Of course you are not perfect–no one is. But some people’s emotions and coping abilities are just more fragile than other people’s, so the unfortunate situations you found yourself in were very difficult for you to rise above.
Try hard to think of what happened as actual bad luck…and give yourself the chance to try again. You have learned now that bad things can and do happen to perfectly nice and competent people, so perhaps next time you can start out at the beginning preparing yourself to handle the negatives that will no doubt come up, and you will find that you have the strength to survive them.
Accept that’s it’s OK to have “broken down” – you are human and not a machine…a good thing! – and go forward keeping in mind that you’ve “been there, done that” and now you have experience in surviving the unlucky things that can happen to employed people everywhere, everyday.
Be strong!
You have hit the nail on the head, I think anyone over 45 has at one time or another has been in a similar position, coupled with this the fact, iIhate to say it, many companies are a little biased to taking on people over the age of forty. With so many qualified immigrants now coming to the UK, many skilled and young, its no wonder companies don’t want to take on people over the age of forty, this can make you feel real low to say thE least and lead to bouts of depression.
Hi! This is a very nice post. I used to think that getting As and doing great with maintaining grades are good enough to land me to a job that I deserve. Oh well, job I want. But after college, I went jobless for years. Tried my luck with doing anything in events organizing, and design with corel and photoshop, still no luck. I don’t know why they don’t hire someone like me.
I don’t think it is because of your age. One it can be the job seekers attitude and outlook in life or 2 it may be the employers hard ass who can’t accept you are way too better than him/her. Either or it doesn’t matter. Winning never spell as G-E-T-T-I-N-G-T-H-E-J-O-B-Y-O-U-W-A-N-T. you are a winner yourself.
And the young ones like me, would definitely have to prepare that someday we will be fired, no matter how much we give to that company, 110% or 200%.
This is an update. I have been out of work since November and still no prospects. I have sent out a lot of resumes with very few invitations to interview. I have gone on several second interviews with no job offers. Yesterday, I contacted several temp agencies, but they have nothing. I decided to do some volunteer work as at least I will be out of the house and not staring at the 4 walls. This is the worst job market I’ve seen. Are other people having the same problems?
I have been out of work since December; the few temp jobs I have been lucky enough to get pay enough to feed my kid and pay for a couple tanks of gas. My car is going to be repossessed, my cell phone is off and I have run out of money for food. Also for shampoo, haircuts, heart medication and OH YEAH – any money to GO TO A STUPID networking meeting.
Oh – and by the way – I graduated from law school with honors and just won a case in my state’s supreme court last year.
I avoid my friends with lives (i.e.) because frankly I am angry bitter and depressed beyond words. One of my friends mentioned what a wonderful summer it was going to be and I wonder if I will even be alive to see it. And before all you helpful drones with websites to plug or rich spouses chime in with a chorus of look on the bright side – think twice – because this country is in a depression and the over 50 years of age employees are pretty much unemployable.
None of the old rules apply – and if you think I am wrong google the increased suicide rate of people over 45 – it is staggering. And to the long list of suggestions posted by Susan Joyce who obviously posted to boost visits to her website – your tips – especially the one to start your own business – well they are useless in this market.
To Janet:
I feel as you do that this country is in a depression right now. Oh yes, the news and politicians say recession but they are not the ones out looking for employment. At various stages of my life (I’m over 45) I’ve been out of work but always able to find something within 2 months max. Not this time. I would like to see new jobs created but you see the same job listings for the same jobs on job sites. And they are entry level positions paying peanuts. It is very depressing and discouraging to anyone out looking for work. I have stopped going to networking groups because I come home more depressed. So many people there without jobs. Not to mention the high cost of gas to go to the networking group. I have found job fairs and networking not much help.
To Janet & Elaine:
I couldn’t agree with both of you more. Go to a “networking” group and commiserate with everyone else? Pay for lunch when you don’t have money to go to the grocery store??! Start a home business-get real!
Our newspaper recently stated that over 230,000 jobs were lost in this country last year…a record. So that’s how many people we are all competing with for jobs. Janet, you’re right, it’s not really about any of the trite issues like age, etc. There are often HUNDREDS of applicants for every job. How do you ever find the one that you can somehow rise to the top of the heap for?
My heart goes out to you. I keep wishing all the smart, talented, experienced people on this forum could somehow get together, pool resources, and make a sh*tload of money!
Hey, now there’s something to work on…how to do that online…with opportunities for all of us. Sheesh…not likely, I guess! (Too much time on my hands for dreaming…)
So how do all of you survive – how do manage to put food on the table? Buy gasoline? Keep your utilities on? I have had help from family and friends but it really is less than a band aid but I am grateful that I have food for my child. But it is also killing my self esteem. My child support pays my rent and that is it – but it is too much to qualify me for public assistance.
What are people doing?
I was the fifteenth person to comment on Jason’s post, about five months ago. I have no idea how many comments have been posted since, but hey Jason you really hit on something people relate to.
When I wrote my comment I had no idea what was about to happen. My boyfriend and I moved in together in early February to a lovely house much larger than either of our separate homes. The rent was high but we were confident we’d manage with our combined incomes. The DAY we moved, he was informed his employers were going into receivership, and five days later he was made redundant. He never even got to go back to the office after his week off for moving.
I’ll call him John. He’s was a sales manager for the company, earning them a huge amount of business last year. His company’s turn-over was £36 million. John was owed £5k in commission which we’d included in our calculations for moving home. He won’t ever get it. Today he received a letter from the administrators. The creditors who get paid first are the banks and the official administrators who came in to close the company – they earn £350 per hour. Many of the creditors are small businesses that may not recover from the loss. At the bottom of the heap are the employees who have no hope of receiving outstanding pay or commission. It’s appalling.
Currently my own modest income is all we have and I’m running up a huge overdraft. I’m working all hours at my business (self-employed designer) AND running the home. My partner has become depressed, although I don’t think he realises it. He spends a lot of time killing people in a virtual online war game or watching tv, sleeps on the sofa and doesn’t engage much in our life together. It’s very hard to bite my lip all the time.
After a few months looking at various options, John’s going into business with some of his former colleagues. In the long run it could prove to be a blessing in disguise, but as anyone knows, setting up a new business is highly stressful and there’s no income to start with.
I’m not sure our relationship will survive. My tolerance and understanding are stretched to the limit. While I understand what he’s going through and want to support him as much as I can, I find his attitude towards me hard to bear, especially his lack of help while I’m working so hard. Even a cup of coffee once in a while would be nice. Do other people have experience of redundancy driving a wedge into a relationship?
We had an IRA retirement fund from when my husband had a ‘real career’ (he’s now teaching), and we’ve gone through almost all of it. We are entering a very scary situation: our house must sell (nearly impossible in FL), I must sell my car or default on the lease…basically, we have to get out from under a crushing mortgage payment and impossible monthly payments or…no answer, I guess.
What do we all do??? We are highly educated, husband has PhD, good work ethics, good resumes, the whole package. There are just too many people, and too few jobs. And the situation is spiraling downward because everyone has less money to spend, which hurts everyone else. Our newspaper has pages and pages of foreclosures each week, and I wonder the same thing: what are these people doing? How are they surviving?
This is what our parents and grandparents went through starting in 1929. Now we will understand.
I have enjoyed reading these posts, because now I know that other people are feeling what I am feeling. I finished school two years ago, and spent the two years following graduation teaching English abroad. I have been trying to find an entry level ngo position for about 5 months now, and nothing! no callbacks, no interview requests, just an empty inbox day after day. Even networking has failed me, but in my defense its hard to network for an ngo position living in rural Kansas with your parents….When everyone in your town works at the mill or a restaurant. Anyway,
I am so frustrated. My student loans are piling up, I’m living at home so I can pay them. I want to be independant and live on my own and support myself (that was one of the goals I had in mind when going to college), but its impossible, because I can’t find a job that pays an actual salary. I have spent the last few months working with high school kids who are on their way to college, and a part of me wants to yell at them and tell them that college won’t get you anywhere!!! After four years, you’ll probably be back here with me making pizza.
I feel like a much more intelligent person after completing college, and after working in Asia I have international work experience, but I guess none of that matters because I can’t support myself right now. Maybe I’m doing something terribly wrong, maybe I’m just unlucky. Or maybe searching for jobs months on end with nothing is normal, I don’t know. All I know is that I just want an entry level job. I want to feel porductive and I want to pull myself out of this depression. I am really trying to be positive, but its hard.
What was the point of it all? I’m an in debt, depressed, college graduate. I would rather be a debt free, happy person who has no college degree and therefore has no unrealistic expectations of being hired for an entry level job.
If you are thinking of going to college……I seriously recomend a state school or somewhere cheap. An ivy league education did nothing for me in terms of the job market, it just made me poorer and more in debt than I ever though possible.
I read several of the posts and agree, something is really terribly wrong. This does not seem to be just a “recession.” It seems that while so many people are in despair loosing jobs, homes, etc., every day we are hearing about more and more increases in costs…gasoline, food, utilities, plane fares, and on and on. And when I read about the “Stimulous Packages” all I see is help for businesses not individuals, rewards for people buying foreclosures instead of help for those going through them! And they didn’t feel it necessary to extend unemployment benefits for people who have no hope of being able to find a job, yet huge companies are being bailed out. It seems as though we are on a path to disaster and we are being told to relax, stop and smell the flowers along the way. I hear many people say that after the election things will improve, but I don’t see much hope there either. I was widowed ten years ago when my husband shot himself because he could not find work, now I am remarried and my husband was laid off five months ago from a skilled construction job. We have sent out no less than 1,000 resumes and he has had 4 interviews in 5 months. Has anybody else noticed that many employers are taking advantage of all of the desperate people looking for jobs? Two out of the four interviewers that my husband has met with casually apologized to him because of their inaccurate job descriptions, requiring skills that were never even mentioned in their ads. Plus they won’t even give you a clue as to the salary until you spend the time and gasoline to drive out there, only to find out that they want to pay $9 an hour and require a Masters Degree and ten years of experience. But, in most cases, you never even get an acknowledgment that they even received your resume, or a polite rejection letter after you have interviewed. They won’t take follow-up calls, or respond to e-mails. It seems to me that not only the economy has gone to pot but human decency and consideration of others has gone with it.
Dear Leslie,
I too have a college degree (twenty plus years ago), am unemployed and feel the same way. I too felt ashamed after graduating from college and having to live with my parents or with friends, or even my grandmother, making $4 something an hour. I also felt it was my fault, that I wasn’t intelligent enough, lacked any skills, etc. Now I know the truth. The purpose of attending college has little to do with getting a job and making money; 98% of graduates do not use their college major in a professional career. The purpose of college is to broaden your ideas, experiences, social skills; to expand your horizons (as you have already done), and to develop and fine tune your Weltaunchaung (world view).
Our situation right now it affected by the economy, and the rise and domination of Big Business and corporate politics, the unimportance of “the little person,” too many people and too few jobs. Don’t take not having a job personally. Do something every day which has meaning for you. I enjoy gardening and interior design, so I volunteer pulling weeds for my neighbors, and I renovate my house one little piece at a time. These projects keep me busy and feeling useful and purposeful.
Giving up is easy, and I have felt like giving up also. Do something fun every day. Find some time and a place for yourself. Stay around positive people who will support you, and at the same time who will listen to your frustration and despair. I’ve found that those who are also unemployed will be your best bet; those who have jobs can’t seem to empathize with our situation.
BTW, where in Asia did you teach English? I know a little Mandarin, Hindi, Vietnamese, Thai, etc, and add to my vocabulary whenever I get the chance. Nide pengyou.
Here is some advice from a friend of mine who has helped me when I’ve been down and out. :
“Thanks, …. I understand the frustration. I can only tell you that I have advised many friends based on my own experiences and the training I’ve received in outplacement. Follow the advice they give you. You’re welcome to put this advice out there on the blog or hopefully send it to Leslie if you can and if you think it’s worthwhile.
Stay in touch with friends. Join book clubs or other social groups that provide free opportunities to talk with people. Stay positive, talk about your interests, the contributions you have made, and what you want to do next. Write these down and say them out loud until they can flow in about 2 minutes — who you are, what you’ve done — concrete things that you’ve accomplished — and what you’re interested in. “Hi, I’m Leslie (Last Name). I’ve been teaching English to (children? adults?) in Asia for the past two years. I’m interested in using my experience to contribute to an NGO by (doing what?).” Work through saying these things until they are a natural part of a conversation, not a stilted speech. You don’t have to feel like you’re bragging. People just need to hear that you sincerely like to work and want to make a contribution. You will find the most bizarre connections with the most interesting range of people if you’re willing to get out and talk with them. I know how hard it is to look for a job, and I know it’s harder when you’re depressed, so don’t let yourself get into a downward spiral. Get up every morning. Dress in decent clothes, brush your teeth and your hair, put on makeup if you normally wear any, make a point of getting out and talking to people, and force yourself to schedule an activity. You will be amazed at the difference it makes. Good luck!!”
I had posted here a few times back in March – since that time I went back on anti-depressants – make too much money for public assistance and too little money to do anything besides feed my child and keep my phone (and internet on). I get up every morning – go through the routine – but going out – with people who can go places, make plans, buy groceries – is too hard.
I sit in my silent house, looking for jobs, reaching out via phone and email – and wonder how long I can hang on.
TO JANET:
Hello – I was a Paralegal for 10 years, so I am knowledgeable of the legal field and know that the job market for lawyers is glutted. Of course, the metropolitan area you live in has a lot to do with it. As you probably know, in Washington DC, there are a ton of lawyers who cannot find jobs after law school, and there is a huge amount of Contract Projects in D.C. SO, many may never be hired as lawyers in firms or corporations, but there is contract projects that pay well. Graduating with Honors from Law School should mean you were in the top of your class. A Lawyers salary: To give a broad example I saw when working in Philadelphia, $35k when working for a sole practioner to start with increase to $40k in year (this is with a money-making attorney) and the opposite spectrum of large law firm pay out of law school in Philadelphia probably about $60K. Not suggesting you move. NOT telling you what to do – if it were me, I would be at Social Services applying for Food Stamps, Health Insurance and General Assistance. For me, I am not going to be stupid and not get money for Food, etc from SS – the option, spend your own money yu do not have and end up – homeless??
TO JUDY:
WOW -I have been where you are now, BUT – I exercised – it made all the difference in the world. The weather is good now – unless you live in a snow area. YOU must get out and take a WALK every day for an hour – Or as much as you can.
TO MARIA AND JOB SEEKERS:
Do not expect rejection letters. And do not get bothered if yu do not get one. Too many resumes being submitted – HR has no time to send Rejection Letters. Nor do they answer telephone calls after interviews. JUST send the thank you note – they do take mail. IF THEY DO NOT CALL YOU, they are not interested or your resume is lost in the pile, or the process of reviewing is still gong on. NO CALL, move on. NO_ they do not tell you salary or other information on telephone – you have to go to the interview. NO, do nt wast time trying to e-mail Employers, unless you are sending resume. No, they do not take follow-up calls, send Thank you note. THE BALL is in the Employers Court. . It is a Buyers Market – in JOBS and HOuses.
TO LESLIE:
So, you are living in rural Kansas. Well, here is an idea. You may need to consider being in a large metropolitan area – or a State where there are Job Economy is better for what yu are looking for. Concept – Get any job for now that pays money, get 2 jobs. Pay student loan, stay in parents house (do not be bothered by that , it is typical in this era) and save you money to move for a better JOB MARKET in what ever you do . IF there are no jobs in your area, because it is small and limited – it is the only way out – Maybe you can commute by train or bus to the closest Metropolitan area for a job. Do not know your area.
TO Leslie:
Might want to get on the SUZEORMAN web site and read up on student debt and make sure you have the lowest rate or can consolidate or simply the information on paying it back. AND, do not get hung-up on the debt- it will go away. Just keep paying and do not focus on the Balance. Basically, pay and pretend it is not there. Yu cannot waste your energy on that – focuse on gettting 2 pizza jobs or whatever to pay debt and save. This part of your life, example: the 2 pizza Jobs is only temporary way to make money while you map out your next move. (move means plan)
Hello to all
I wrote in sometime ago in Jan or Feb this year, i’m really glad to have found this website and discover that i am not alone, and it does help to share and hear from others in the same boat. I always say, only people like us who are in this situation can fully understand what we are going through. Not sure if i mentioned that when i lost my job and was unemployed for 3 months looking for work, most people i thought were ‘friends’ started to shun me, they would just avoid speaking to me or would even lie that they tried to call me out of concern etc but of course they never did. It is over this time that we can see who are our true friends – those that will stick by us and support by helping or just lending a ear, most of my ex colleagues who are doing well now, well they just simply don’t care no more. I think success changes people- it hardens their hearts in our status conscious materialistic world. When you are deemed a failure, suddenly people you thought were friends- they all disappear!! I could only depend on my family and a handful of friends that stood by me through it all.
I have started work ing again about 2 months back, i had to take a job where i had to start at the bottom again and this new boss sort of knew what happened to me in my last – where i was asked to go etc, as such it is like i owe her a big one and i guess she knows that i am not in a position to complain about the level i’m at here, but truth is i feel very demoralized, especially that i have been there done that – and now suddenly i am sitting at the bottom with all the young junior staff and struggling with them to move up again, and i have another boss that is the same age as me and he is getting it all here- it is really painful to bear but i have to be strong now and be grateful that at least i have this job to go to. I try not to think about my past life when i had better opportunities and wish i had appreciated them more now. Life is strange, one day you are up there and going upwards and then you make one stupid life changing mistake and everything goes downhill from there. I find that the only to get through this is to keep positive and keep hoping against hope, i had so many doors closed that i don;t think there are any more left open, sometimes i feel like there is some force out there that is preventing me from getting anything that is good for me, one way or another, an open door will be slamed shut. I am living a misearable life at present but hanging on to hope that this is just a passing cloud..
Yes, what Dave says is so true–about people not “getting it” unless they’ve lived it.
Here’s a poem I wrote one day after my husband and grown son went off to their jobs and I sat here in my nice big house I can’t pay for anymore while everyone in my affluent neighborhood also went off to their jobs.
The “flash fiction” website I submitted didn’t get it, but I have a feeling those who visit here will:
PINK SLIP
I am that woman who lives
across the street from you,
you know the one,
two sidewalks and three income levels away.
The one with the fiery hair,
the insolent walk to the mailbox
where the YOU’VE JUST WON mail
is never really about winning
and fear is for lunch
while everyone’s at work
and dinner is a love offering,
a solo project of redemption
sustaining the employed
while absolving the woman who,
jobless,
watches you drive off each morning
in your glittering car.
I’m actually a “recent” college graduate (perhaps a lapse of a year after graduation would not really be considered recent), was moving in the direction of becoming a teacher, but had decided it was not for me and had left my position in February. The depression is really compounded by the fact that I had willfully brought it upon myself by leaving without first procuring another job.
There is quite a bit of mention about “fair weather” friends here in the comments. I was wondering if anybody has had to deal with some rather brunt, insensitive comments? A couple that I’ve gotten are, “Nobody wants you yet?” and “You STILL don’t have a job?” The first came from my older sister, whom I know to be a very direct person, so I sort of ignored it and did not express my displeasure; the second from my good friend’s beau, whom I did not like very much to begin with and certainly have resolved to continue disliking until she decides to move on. I believe this is one other negative repercussion that comes with one’s self-esteem being slowly dragged through the mud during unemployment: the inability to be subject to criticism. Sure, the examples I’ve presented wouldn’t exactly be considered constructive criticism, and are certainly insensitive enough to make one apt to disregard it altogether. But winnowing the ill emotional effects from such scrutiny becomes extremely hard. My morale drops yet further, and I’m left to dwell on it for a while before coming to myself again. Ultimately, I know their words are tactless and bare no weight on my identity, but they still serve as a reminder that I am, for the moment, short of fulfilling not only their expectations but my own.
I’d like to know how those of you who have had to deal with such people cope. I’m going on my third month of unemployment, have actually underwent several interviews and second rounds, but have yet to receive a job offer.
I was fired when I refused my boss’s order to break the law. I refused to treat a defendant unequally, when I took oaths to treat everyone equally and uphold the law. I am suing my former employer, and I am f-ing furious that these things occur. The depressing part is that I am starting to realize that these types of things are common, especially in this area, and a lot of people think it is ok. I feel paralyzed to try to look for anything else, because I feel like everyone except my family and close friends is a lying unethical scumbag.
The sad part is I really liked my job, because I never had to talk to the scumbag boss except for the meeting when he retaliated against me.
I don’t know if I’m depressed or if it is just a normal reaction to a bad situation. I feel like I am just trying to survive and go though the motions until things get better. I have no extended family, and it takes all my energy to just act normal and take care of my husband and 2 kids. I don’t really want to go anywhere or see anyone because I am embarrassed to be unemployed. I don’t talk to anyone else all day, and I don’t want to, but this just makes me feel worse. I’m too depressed and scared to get any sort of formal help, because then I would be admitting I can’t handle my day-to-day responsibilities, and I have no one to help when my husband is gone all day earning the only money we have now.
Well, at least I wrote it all down. That’s something different for me than just constantly thinking about it. That’s about all I can handle right now.
I wrote about my experience as a “job seeker” back in December and I thought I would post a follow-up. I’m amazed at some of the responses since then.
The good news is that I finally managed to find something. After several interviews with different hiring departments, and many exams later, I landed a two-year junior position with the government; after the two-years, I can continue and apply to more senior positions or, do something completely different in another department. Although I won’t be working in my field during the first two-years, I would say it is a step in the right direction. I will be moving to the national capital at the end of the month. Oddly, the one overriding emotion since I received my offer of employment is -relief-.
I don’t have sagely advice or anything unique to say that hasn’t already been said except to never stop trying. Even when I was comfortable working at my temp job (I even got a small promotion), I never stopped looking/applying for a “real job” after my shift. I checked my email, career websites and job boards -every- -single- -day-. I went to every single interview/testing session I was offered even if I wasn’t all that interested in that particular department/position. Others have already touched upon this point but I think it’s worth mentioning again: You really have to believe that something good will happen. I learned a lot from this experience (more than I bargained for to be honest) and will carry with me the lessons from these past 8+ months.
Hang in there — even this must pass.
Thank you Jason for writing the original article — I can finally move on.
Such an unchampioned point-of-view — this stark reality of joblessness, it’s all captured here. I am stunned that this facet of unemployment should strike such a unified chord of recognition in so many people. It sounds corny, but it hadn’t occurred to me that so very many souls would be sharing such similar experiences with me: the depression of being left at home while loved ones go off to their jobs, the insensitive comments from friends and family, the ever-present demon of corporate politics and remembering the almost criminal nonchalence of their words at the final parting. Feeling that one must explain the fact of a change in financial posture due to having been “let go.” And the grief, fear and self-doubt that can leave even the most articulate person at a loss for words and ideas.
I’ve been there too. All I have to add, if it helps is this: Go down swinging. Never allow yourself to feel second rate because you’re paying the price for office politics, corporate treachery or the sagging economy. I may end up living under a bridge, but I’ll damned sure hold my head up! And when the pendulum swings the other way (and it will) get back in there and make a place for yourself. You did it once. You can do it again.
To LESLIE:
My life history is quite similar to yours, including an Ivy League education, taught English in Asia, now live in a small town with my parents while looking for a job at a nonprofit. I’ll try to offer some useful advice.
Yes, it’s often discouraging. But I would echo the comments that you need to set your sights on a bigger city. It is a well-worn path for young people to go off to the big city to avail themselves of the kinds of job opportunities that do not exist in their rural hometowns. You can get a year or two of experience on your resume. It’s important to “get into the flow of commerce,” even in the nonprofit sphere.
If you have an Ivy League education, your worldview should be much larger than that of the restaurant workers in your hometown. Set your sights on something bigger than your hometown, and find that entry-level job.
Try this mood management technique: When you receive a setback or disappointment, shift your efforts TEMPORARILY to a few tasks that you know you can succeed at. It can be cleaning your kitchen, cooking a successful dish, or weeding the flowerbed. The point is that being IN ACTION and racking up a few successes will lift your mood.
Also, check out http://www.meetup.com. They have lots of group activities that you can join. You might have to drive over to the nearest mid-sized city to meet them, but this is a good opportunity to get a change of scenery and people in your week. It’s a mental health break. In trying to make conversation, other attendees may ask you what you do for a living. That can induce feelings of discomfort, but just tell them, “I was living abroad, but now I am back and am looking for a job in a nonprofit organization.” You’ll get to know some new friends. This will help give some much-needed balance to your life.
Also, the more successful your friends are, the better. In a rural area, these may be hard to find, so look toward your nearest mid-sized city and sign up for the kinds of clubs that well-educated people gravitate to. The standards of your peer group will inevitably rub off on you, so choose a good one. This is something that you can control, so take some satisfaction at steering your own destiny in this way.
Best of Luck!