Depression Clouds Everything

530 thoughts on “Depression Clouds Everything”

1. Louri,

   Great advice! I felt the same way. I saw my Dr., and it was a combination of a thyroid condition and anxiety. I was put on some medication, and my depression was gone. I still worry, but not to the level of suicide.

   The two most important things you said were:

   1. It’s not you! You are valuable, and always remember that!
   2. GET HELP IF YOU NEED IT! Don’t wait until it’s too late.

   Sound advice…

2. I think the worst part about being unemployed is the feeling that you are all alone. I just went to a networking group and found that everyone at my table had advanced degrees and they were still looking for employment. Many of them had been out of work for a long time. I just had 4 interviews last week, however, I don’t think any of them were the “right fit” for me. But, the important thing is to get out and get used to interviewing. I ask a lot of questions and this helps me weed out those positions I don’t feel are a good match for me. If somebody asks me a dumb question I know I don’t want to work there. I remember one interviewer asked me to “sell him a pen” I was not applying for a job selling pens. I also try to be very observant during the interview process. If the interviewer will not give me a tour of the place, I think something is wrong. Networking at least gets you out of the house and you can find out about companies to apply to and those companies to stay away from. Again, the most important thing is not to give up.

3. I’m so glad I found this site. I’ve was laid of in Aug 2007 after 19 years at the same company. I thought I was a valued employee and would be working there for another 15 years till I retired. The company gave me a letter of reference and everyone was so encouraging says that with my skills and personality I was sure to get a new job in no time. I to went to “transition” sessions to prepare a resume, practice interview skills and get a chance to network. It’s now been 6 months, I’ve applied for or sent resumes to 30 different companies and had only 3 interviews, with nothing successful. As many of you have mentioned, I depressed at being a home each day on the internet looking for a job. I loved my old job and getting to be with people every day. Now I wake up in the morning and wondering what I’ll do till I go to sleep. I’m a single Mom with two teenage kids and I keep a postive attitude so they can not be worried and stay focused on ther studies. I feel betrayed, lonely, sad, fat ( when you sit home waiting for the phone to ring, food is a good companion) and wonder will I every get another job that makes me feel worthwhile. I won’t give up! I just feel really low today and wanted to express my feelings. I cry at the smallest things and I’m not sure what to do with myself to remain sane. Thanks for listening.

4. To Kathy,

   I can relate to what you are saying. Like you I am a single mom. I have also sent out a lot of resumes and only had a few interviews. I have gone to a network group too. I had 3 interviews last week but after talking to the people, I don’t think any of the jobs were the right “match” for me. I have one more interview tomorrow. Have you thought about temp work? At least it would get you out of the house. I may have to do it soon as my finances are running out. It’s tough now since a lot of people are unemployed. I do think you have to remain positive and keep going. I try to get out every day. I am thinking about volunteer work too, but it doesn’t pay the bills. I wish you all the best. You are not alone, believe me…

5. Wow.

   I read the initial post and most of the follow-ups. It is strangely comforting to hear from people who are, like me, depressed due to job loss. Being unemployed was and, sadly, is again more emotionally difficult for me than dealing with deaths and even suicides of family members, substance addiction and arrest of family members, physical handicaps, and financial pressure. When I was a kid, I was a stellar student who was raised to believe in personal responsibility and to exemplify a strong work ethic. I began my first (illegal, under-the-table) job at the age of 13. By the age of 17, I found myself in a management position. It was a dead-end job, though, and I had ambitions that could not be met there. Instead, I eventually found office work and became the first person in my family to go to college. Money was a problem. I won’t say I’m not bitter about the way the college financial aid game is run. I’m very bitter about that. I ended up working my way through college with minimal help from my family. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa – four months after passing out *at work* due to the fact that I hadn’t eaten in days or gone to the doctor for an illness because I could not afford to take proper care of myself and also pay for my final semester of college. I ended up having to beg my parents for about $1000 and they, in turn, had to borrow from my grandmother to come up with that last thousand. But it was done and done for the best. I am a hard worker. I am a strong, determined person. I have been proven literally willing to starve and beg to reach my goals. I wouldn’t rule out stealing, either, even though it’s never come to that. So when Jason mentions having a high locus of control, I am on board. I believe in the pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality.

   My first experience with joblessness came during the post-college job search. It took me four months to find a job. I experienced many of the same emotions that everyone here describes. I thought that getting an education and excelling in that pursuit was supposed to be the magic bullet. During that time, my husband and I happened to pass the building that housed the job that I had given up to go to college. I burst into tears. It was the first time my husband had ever seen me cry. I had known him for seven years. When he asked why I was crying, I told him that I was afraid that I’d have to go back to that job. I was afraid that everything for which I had worked for four years would be rendered meaningless. I was also angry with myself and with the world. 1% of all college graduates make it into Phi Beta Kappa. 1%. I wasn’t just a graduate; I was in that 1%. I had led most of the community service organizations on my campus. I had worked my way through. I had done everything right. I thought that should have counted for something, but instead, half of my prospective employers told me I was “overqualified.”

   Those feelings were immediately resolved when I found a job with a startup software company. For two years, I was a rising star. As a tech writer, I got good reviews, some special treatment, made friends with coworkers, etc. etc. The company had financial troubles. Sometimes checks were delayed. Bonuses and raises were practically non-existent. That was bad new, I knew, but I felt loyal to the only company that had given me a chance. I was too loyal to leave, even when I knew I should. My husband and I moved across the country, and still, I kept that job. I worked from home. The workload began to be oppressive and uncontrollable. To make matters worse, my internet connection became unreliable. I literally worked from the minute I woke up to the moment that my head hit the pillow. Family and social relationships suffered. Chores suffered. Everything suffered. I brought my concerns up with my boss, but he said only a part-term intern was in the relief budget. I should have quit while I was ahead. Instead, when the VP of my department, who was a huge supporter of mine, left, his replacement issued a no-working-from-home policy and I was let go. It was devastating.

   With the support of my husband, I came up with a plan of action. I decided to view my transition as a positive change. I hadn’t wanted to stay in that career forever. This would encourage me to seek my real passion, instead. I could change fields. I could focus on my writing. It would all work out for the best. Although I struggled with many of the feelings that everyone here describes, I did manage to find a part-time job as an assistant to a Hollywood talent agent. My foot was in the door! It was a three day a week position that paid less than half of my previous salary, but that was okay. On the off days, I worked on writing a novel. I was chasing my dreams. I still struggled with the fact that I had been let go and that I was starting from square one and largely relying on my husband’s salary, but things were looking up. I was at least moving toward what I’d always set out to do. I had done better than the stereotypical waiter/writer, at least, and managed to nab an entry-level position in the industry. I was not 100% happy with the situation, but I was hopeful.

   Of course, Hollywood is a difficult place even under the best of circumstances. The best, these were not. I am color blind. More significantly, I was born three months early. I kid you not. My prognosis was very bleak. I was not supposed to live or walk or function normally in society. It was something of a miracle, but I not only lived, but walked (albeit with a strange gait) and excelled in many areas of life. I don’t know much about my medical history from that time. I do remember attending physical and occupational therapy. I do remember the first time I realized I had a large scar from a heart surgery. I do remember struggling in gym class and in organized sports. What I didn’t remember or realize until I was faced with this assistant job was that I had come up with a variety of coping mechanisms that hid my diminished motor abilities, memory, and color-blindness even from myself. I had developed highly organized, inflexible routines and work schedules. I used the computer to complete tasks that many would have performed by hand. I never color coded anything. I never learned to drive; instead, I relied on public transportation. My new employer required me to take immediate direction rather than to adhere to routines. I had no idea how hard I would struggle with this job.

   In addition to the aforementioned incompatibilities, my employer also seemed to expect me to be always on call. For example, when my grandmother died, the funeral arrangements were made around my work schedule only after I consulted with my boss to find out when my absence would be best for her. The evening that I was to depart, she asked me to contact a client. I did so, but the client was not home. I had to leave a message. When I reported back, she asked whether I had given the client my contact information so that he could call me back. She was displeased to find out that I had given the client her contact information, instead, as I would be writing and delivering a eulogy and burying my grandmother, and therefore unable to answer my phone. This did not go over well, but I held my ground. I do not think people are entitled to much; I do think we are entitled to bury our loved ones in peace.

   After my return from the funeral, the situation at work continued to atrophy. My boss color coded some things. She required handwriting (reading and writing) on *a lot* of things. Her filing system was very different from those that I had encountered in previous assistant jobs. Basically, for reasons that really were beyond my control, my performance was not up-to-par. I was a fish out of water. I should have quit, but I was too afraid of the jobless rut to do so. Furthermore, I had promised a certain term of commitment and I did not want to break my word to my employer. Before that term of commitment was completed, I was fired. Again, I was devastated.

   I was a failure. Yet again, I tried to regroup. I tried job searching. I tried focusing on my creative writing. This time, though, nothing happened when I lifted the proverbial bootstraps in which I had always had such faith. They didn’t budge. Humiliated and ashamed, I stopped calling my relatives and friends back east. When they called, I let the phone go to voice mail. I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want to tell them that I had been fired. I did not tell my best friend and roommate, either. Although word was eventually spread to those quarters, it was not a topic that was open for discussion. Any such discussion only served to end in bitter self-recrimination and tears, anyway. I confided only in my husband. To meet my social needs, I relied on internet writing and discussion forums. In short, I withdrew from the world.

   Shortly thereafter, the writer’s strike shut down Hollywood.

   I now find myself languishing. I had mixed feelings about the strike. On one hand, I agreed that DVD and New Media rights were of immense importance. On the other, I felt for the below-the-line staff and for fresh fish, like myself, who had not been able to get a foothold yet and faced a market in which the strike flooded temp and subsistence level jobs. I wasn’t sure whether DVD and New Media rights were of such *immediate* importance that so many should be made to suffer for the good of so few. Secretly, though, I was grateful. The strike gave me an excuse to languish. My industry was shut down! It wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t find work. That didn’t stop me from feeling like a miserable, worthless, twice-fired failure. It did, however, make it easier for me to justify staying home and working on my novel.

   I understand the “throat or wrists” mentality. That is something that I will never do. My grandfather resorted to suicide. So did his first wife. Because I have seen the impact that it had on the rest of the family, I simply could never do that to them again. Never. But I see why someone would feel that way. You can only beat so many odds before they beat you down. You can only try so hard and face so much rejection before the thought of putting yourself back out there to be clobbered again becomes too much to bear. My solution isn’t so much a solution. I sit at my computer and I let time pass. I sleep a lot because dreaming is better than wakefulness. Often, I don’t bathe and dress myself until mid-day. I, a woman who used to juggle work, school, extra-curriculars out the wazoo, family, friends, and a long-distance relationship on an empty stomach and an empty bank account can no longer seem to meet beta reading obligations to the internet friends to which I turned as a coping mechanism not too long ago. I, who used to devour books like some people devour candy, can’t even seem to concentrate enough to get through a paperback novel. I just sit here. I just let time pass. I just languish. I, who was in the past most often described by friends and family as “like a rock” cry almost daily and with little or no provocation. This is no way to get my life back on track. This is no way to win back my self-respect so that I can look myself in the mirror again. This is no way to be a good wife to my husband. This is no way to achieve any of my goals, I know that, and yet I have no idea how to fix it.

   So yeah… Jason, Dave, Kathy, and everyone else… you are not alone. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone, either. I wish us all the best of luck. It’s a shame life doesn’t have an “undo” button. Knowing what I know now, I would like to undo all the way back to that management job that I held in high school. At least with that job, I would have had a steady salary, a steady work schedule, and steady health insurance. I could have continued on up the ranks. I left that job so that I wouldn’t get “stuck.” Now, though, I find myself stuck in something worse.

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7. Thank you for publishing this blog. Why is it that just knowing you are not alone in your struggles inspiring?
   I struggled with unemployment twice over the last 2 years on top of being a single mom. I lost EVERYTHING dear to me – home, cars, friends, family, and the worst – my children…all because the crushing depression of losing a 14 year career.
   Now, I have my children back, a comfortable home, a car, the unconditional support of my family, and a few TRUE friends. I’m very humble and incredibally greatful and try to take nothing for granted anymore.
   I am now 3 months in a wonderful job. I found a position with a company 10 miles from my home and am able to utilize my years of experience while learning a new product line and the ins and outs of implemention.
   I find myself still struggling with self doubt, paranoia, and even panic at times. After my first project kick off meeting, my boss recommended I ‘speak up’, act more confident, quit saying “ummm”…..ME, the person who they used to speak in front of hundreds of people, and the person who people who’d say “When Carmell speaks, everyone listens…”
   Well, just wanted to thank you again for the posting and the additional comments. Once again, I’ve found inspiration in the human spirit!

8. It almost seems as if I’ve found this blog just in time to save my life. I lost my “dream job” one year ago when I became a casualty, along with my director, of nasty politicking between warring board members who are now so messed up that they’re actually suing each other! I had only had the job for 5 months, had worked 60-hour weeks, highly visible in the community; and would have stayed, taking their sh** FOREVER, because I loved the work and desperately needed that job to support my family. We’ve now gone through a huge chunk of our retirement fund just to keep our house, and as each day goes by without finding employment, I sink further into a deep depression that feels like fear and I walk around shaking in terror. I used to be all about self-confidence and unflappability. Now, like Carmell, my belief in myself is destroyed.

   I keep wondering…what happens when your next job requires a credit check and your credit is in the toilet due to being unemployed for a year? We don’t have any true “black marks” like a bankruptcy or anything, but lots of slow-pay situations. My family (husband and grown children, one in college) are loving and supportive, but I know they are worried about me, and they should be…I’m in a dark place filled with self-doubt and self-hatred, of course feeling that there MUST have been something I could have done, or can do, to fix this. Everyday I just feel more hopeless. Unless I find adequate employment, we will lose our house, and everything else. This is reality, as where I live, no one is buying houses. I know, we tried to sell ours. We priced it at the bottom of all the comparables and no one even came to look at it.

   My heart goes out to everyone here in the same boat…and I realize many people here have it much worse than I. I would add: God bless all of you, and may we somehow remember that we are good people who do not deserve living in this hell.

9. To any/all of the posters here who may check back in:

   Will you share an update of your situation? Did you find employment?

   I wonder about so many of you, and hope for good news from you!

10. Update: I did get a job offer but pay is much lower than I was making at my last job. I may have to take it as after sending out a ton of resumes, networking and interviewing, this was the only offer I’ve received since November. I have to move as apt rent is going up. My car needs a new radiator. When it rains, it pours so they say. This is the worst job market I have seen. I do have another interview on Monday so we’ll see what happens. I find employers are interviewing longer as there are more applicants. I just hope the economy improves as it is so depressing right now. I worry that if I do take a job, the industry I choose might have layoffs so you never know what will happen. Thank you Gina, for your concern!

11. Thank you for this blog. I am going on 6 months of being unemployed and it has made me feel completely useless. I am 24 and totally overhwlemed. I wake up every day with that sense of dread. I guess I just feel drained. Every interview I have had so far I thought was in the bag and time and time again I am passed over. No matter how positive I try to be it’s really doing a number on me. I worked the same job for 6 years and left for a higher paying one. I was forced to leave that position due to a boss who swore at employees and refused to train or do anything but nap in his office (I’m not kidding about that) of course his brother owned the company and no one but me would say anything. When I finally went to HR it got back to him and he made sure my life was a living hell. Even after I quit he tried to refuse giving me my last check saying there was no record on the time sheets that I had been there and that “I should have thought about that before I reported him” I did get my check finally after threatening a law suit. I was so relieved to get out of there that I never even considered how bad my situation was about to become. I guess I just needed to vent to people that understand what I’m going through. I’m a hard worker and I graduated top of my class in college, it seems like all the effort I put in is getting me nowhere.

12. Elaine,

    Thanks for the update. It’s interesting how we lower our standards for everything, including pay, when we get this desperate. This job market is scary–I feel so bad for my children, just starting out with such high hopes for exciting careers. I really wonder what they will end up doing. I’m struggling with coming across to potential employers – if I’m lucky enough to get in front of any! – in a positive way considering how depressed I am. And it’s not just the depression, even more it’s the fear.

    Good luck on Monday!

13. Update: Two weeks after my post I was offered a job through a recruiter making a little less then what I use to make. I turned it down not because of the money but I didn’t want a hour commute everyday. Also, I wouldn’t get to do what I enjoy. That same week I got a call from two different recruiter about a position with a company I knew was bad news. I also turned that down.

    Last week I was interview by a recruiter for a position I was actually interested in. Three days later she called about a job I wasn’t even qualified for. Will I get a call back about the job I actually interview for? Probably not, since its now been a week. Yes, I did call yesterday but she gave me some brush off excuse. Oh well, such is life.

14. To Sarah,

    I just wanted to let you know that I can sympathize with you. My daughter graduated college and she found a job but it took her about 4 months. I have been out of work since November and I know it’s tough. I told my daughter to write a thank you note after her interview. I also told her to call and express her interest. I don’t know if it helped but she did get the job. Also, after your interviews think about the questions they ask. My daughter was really depressed before she found something. Believe me, all of us go through this. Check some websites that have interview tips on them. I think if you have any job networking groups it would help to participate. You may not get a job but at least you are getting out and sharing ideas. If anything, it will help you realize that you are not alone. There are some good books on interviewing and the job search at the library. One book I recommended to my daughter is “The Turbulent twenties survival guide” by Marcos R. Salazar,. It might be in the library. I wish you all the best.

15. To Mori,

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are doing what I should have done when I took my last job (the one I lost due to the warring board of directors)…homework! If I’d done my due diligence and researched them better, I would have found out that they went through 4 people in my position and 5 people in the Director’s position in 5 years. They have a long bad history. I just went in with blinders on, so happy to be in what I thought was the perfect position with the perfect organization. Rule One (points to self): forget trying for “perfect” and go for “stable” and “longevity”.

    Best wishes in your search.

16. Update:
    I am playing the waiting game with a city government position (which takes forever) and have had some interviews but no offers yet. I have spoke to the guy a couple of times and I know they haven’t made a decision yet (it took 9 months to get the interview but jeesh!).

    After all the bad media about the economy, suddenly all the job leads started to really dry up. I am in the middle of a horrible divorce also and needless to say, this hasn’t made it any easier. I have a great offer on the west coast but can’t accept it due to child custody issues. I try to keep it all in perspective and realize that I can’t take this personally. With the economy being like it is, and it being an election year (which almost always is turmoil), its going to be a roller coaster ride on the job front. Worse case scenario, I move back in with my mom and possibly go back to school (for what I don’t know yet). With my engineering background and years of experience, it is hard for me to believe that is has come down to this.

    I have to also mention, I sought help and am now on meds (which isn’t for everyone). I am much more stable and don’t feel so down, however, I don’t have that extra “drive” to really push the envelope on pursuing job leads (for ex. – cold calling, or cold leads). It is helping me with the personal stuff I am experiencing but I plan on weaning off of it in a couple of months to get my motivation back. On the other hand, I am not so emotional so I can think more clearly, so……I think it is the right thing to do if you are feeling as bad as I was. And we are not alone in this predicament.

    Good luck to everyone!!

17. Lori,
    Thanks for sharing about taking medication. I’m not taking any (yet), but I’ve thought about it. As a previous government employee, I can relate to experiencing the frustrating waiting game you spoke of. Government job hunting is taxing, especially considering the amount of paperwork that has to be submitted (those KSAs just kill me).

    I’m still muddling through the job search but am now concentrating equally on staying healthy–exercising, eating well, learning something new via library books and CDs (can’t afford to take classes right now). At least my cat is a lot happier because I spend more time with him now than I ever have. He sits with me while I check job web sites and print out resumes and basically listens to me curse on a daily basis. My husband has been a gem during this search period and I’ve run into a lot of understanding (there seems to be more empathy and patience for the unemployed now that the economy headlines the news–perhaps everyone is starting to realize that it could happen to them). So there are some positives, although don’t misunderstand me–I’m not a Pollyanna, far from it. Some days I’m deep into despair wondering if I’ll ever work again and other days I think of course I will, its just not happening right now. It is a roller coaster ride, you are right Lori. But I am so glad that I know that I’m not alone!

18. It is nice to know that I am not alone. I was laid off the last week of Dec of 2007. I had taken 6 weeks off to have my daughter. I came back and they put me on part time. Then the day after Christmas I came back and they laid me off. My former boss was “We really like you we want you to come back in 6 to 9 months.” That’s right wait around for you. Put my life on hold. I have 2 Bachelors degrees. I got a teaching degree but unfortunately the shortage that we were told would occur hasn’t except in the Math, Science and Special Ed fields. I’ve had 2 interviews so far. One where they wanted to offer me 9 dollars and hour because it was a doctor’s office and I’d never worked in a doctor’s office before. I had the experience and was highly qualified for the job. The second I had my second interview last Tuesday and I haven’t heard from them. They told me they were impressed with my resume. But, it isn’t looking like that is going to pan out. I continually am depressed, short tempered and just mad. Which makes this first year with my daughter not what I was looking forward to after working so hard to get her here. It is just really nice to know that we are not alone.

19. Heather,
    That looks like a lawsuit to me!

20. Update:

    Ironic is where I think I will start. Last Dec I turned a job due to commute and not money. I found out this week that the company had just been bought and more then likely will be shut down. I have to laugh if I had accepted, I would be looking for a job again after only 2 months. I had an interview on Monday for a job I actually like, so much so that I forgot to ask how much it pays. I was home before I remembered and had to call to find out. The job pays a lot less then what I’m use too but I’m basically starting from the bottom in a field I have very little experience in. Which in it self is funny because it is in this field that I have my degree in. Most of my experience is mostly with my minor which I have because I had to have one. I’ve also had several calls in the last week for positions more in line to what I use to doing and better pay. I guess I’ll just wait and see.

    To Heather,

    I know its hard but I’ve been looking for a job for over a year now. I’ve been to interviews where I have been interested in the job but their not interested in me. Then there are the ones that are interested in me and I’m not interested in them. Some mornings I just don’t want to get out of bed. Someone said its a roller coaster ride, and it is.

21. I’m wondering if the job availability situation is as bad everywhere else as it is here in FL. Over and over, I submit resumes/applications (often online as that is the only way they’ll take them), and then NEVER HEAR ANYTHING. I’ve had this happen at least 20 times. I’ve tried calling to follow up, and am screened out by the receptionist, or leave a voicemail for the HR person, and they never call back. Email them and they never reply. I read in the paper that our region lost 5,500 jobs last year, and that didn’t include the now unemployed 1,500 or so realtors, since no one is buying houses anymore. So I guess employers are getting so many resumes that they don’t have time to respond.

    Mori, I’m right there with you–hate waking up to face another day of this, hate getting out of bed. And you know what really scares me? Living 24/7 with the rush of fear and accompanying adrenaline high…recipe for health problems. I feel like my life is getting shorter every day.

    The one bright spot in all of this–coming to this site and knowing I have comrades!

22. Update: I am still looking for a job. It’s been 4 months now. I’ve gone back for a second interview with a company and I thought the person interviewing me would offer me a job, but no she didn’t. I’ve had phone interviews and not heard back. I just think there are so many people out of work that employers can pick exactly who they choose. I think the interview process is taking longer now. It definitely is a roller coaster and I just wish the economy would get better. I do look around the office when I interview. How do the workers look? How is the office set up? It is important to ask a lot of questions. I am very overqualified for most of the jobs I’ve interviewed for. At this point in time, I probably would take something I felt I was overqualified for and just stay until the economy gets better. I am looking for jobs closer to where I live due to gas prices and like Mori I don’t want a long commute.. Best wishes to everyone…

23. To Gina:

    I’ve had the same thing happen. I send out an online resume and like you I never hear back. Also just had a phone interview and HR guy told me I would get another call back, he even told me the name of the person who would be calling me and I never got a call back. It is bad here in Arizona where I live. And jobs are very low paying. I really think it is bad all over the country. I have gone to networking groups (they say this is the best way to get a job) and there are over 100 people there, many who have Masters Degrees and who are still looking. I talked to one woman who has been looking for a job for over a year. Most of the jobs I see online are for low paying entry level positions and employers won’t even consider me for them as I am very overqualified. Like you, I am happy to have this website to vent. Yes, there are a lot of us out there.

24. To Elaine,

    It is a relief to learn I’m not the only one with so few responses. While the logical part of my brain realizes that, of course, it isn’t me–the emotional part is scared it is. I know I should try networking groups, but I fear that it will be a whole roomful of “me’s” – people desperate for a job – and I don’t think I can take one more depressing situation like that!

    I’ve been looking for over a year, and am not only looking at entry level jobs again (impossible to believe!), but also am trying to avoid a long commute. I need to have some money left over after I buy gas!

    Thanks to my loving family, I’m not actually suicidal (although I toy with the idea, I won’t go there), and thanks to my body’s not tolerating substances very well, I’m not an addict – but, SOMETHING’S got to give. Bless you for responding to me. Every little bit of encouragement helps. I wish you all the very best in your search.

    P.S. And thanks again, Jason Alba, for this little corner of the net where we jobseekers can find each other.

25. I don’t get any responses either, which I think is just plain rude. Once upon a time when I was in my early 20s I worked for human resources in a federal government agency and we always responded to applicants (yes it was a form letter, but at least it was some kind of contact). It’s hard not to take it personally! Sometimes the little hurt kid in me wants to send them an e-mail telling them how lousy I think they are, but of course I never would because that isn’t the mature professional way to handle it (but the last thing I feel is mature or professional).

26. I want to thank all those who have commented on this post. I have felt a real sense of kinship with you all, and know we all share some sense of the same disgust, depression, and aprehension.

    I have been looking for work now for over a year, but in the process I have also been refining and defining what I am interested in doing. That focus is much clearer today, and my sense of where I am being led to look, both in employment and where to live, is also becoming clearer. I have sent out a number of resumes and inquiries and have received some responses, but only one of them positive. While I have also still been employed during this search, my future in my present position is now looking like it may be eliminated.

    All of this has helped to light a fire in me, but sometimes I think the only reason for the fire is to ward off greater depression. I keep believing in myself, in what skills and gifts I bring to the table, and my faith in God to lead me in the right direction. I wish I could say all of that helps to alleviate the stress and worry, but that would not be truthful. I believe, even in a sownturning economy, that the right position is available to whomever wants it. You just need to be willing to do what it takes to make it happen.

    This may sound too optimistic, but I only feel it is the way to be – stay positive, at least to the best of my ability, and pray that the right position comes before its too late. I know it will, but it would be nice if it happened sooner than later.

27. To Jordan,

    You know, to be honest, the lack of responses really bothers me, too. I go to a lot of trouble to craft the perfect cover letter, tailor my resume to the position (keeping it honest, of course, just making it as user-friendly for them as possible), and then….WAIT….and almost always receive no response at all. Not even an auto-reply to let me know it all made it over and didn’t ping off into cyberspace or something. Sometimes I’ve felt like I’m in the Twilight Zone! I send everything out, and then it’s like it just falls into a black hole, and it’s like I don’t even exist.

    I try to tell myself that if they’re that unresponsive, they’re probably not that good to work for anyway…but it doesn’t help much when the bottom line is: I am unemployed and I just need a job!

28. Let me say, I’m amazed at the depth of this discussion. I remember writing this post, which was pretty emotional, and thinking that no one was going to comment. Little did I know that this would somehow, someway, provide strength and support to so many people.

    I am honored to watch this happen. So many of you have opened up and shared your trials, and my heart bleeds for you. I honestly feel your pain.

    What’s more, I am seeing so much encouragement and camaraderie between you. I am encouraged by your spirits to help one another, without even knowing one another.

    I’ll leave it at this: THANK YOU. Watching this happen is truly one of the highlights of my blogging experience.

29. Like Gina said, Thank YOU, Jason for starting this discussion. Most people haven’t been through truly hard times in most of our life times. There have been a few hiccups here and there (telecom downturn, dot com nosedive, & 9/11 fallout) and if any of you experienced these, they probably didn’t feel like hiccups to you and I apologize for the analogy. But for the masses, the employment scene was just mushy. I see something totally different right now and it scares me. I am competing against senior level people with advanced degrees and they are getting overlooked because they are over qualified. These people are dumbing down their resumes trying to get anything they can to pay their bills.

    You know its bad when I start scanning the obituaries looking for a job!! But seriously, the last interview I had the guy told me there were over 60 applicants and 55 of them were advanced IT people looking outside their professions (I’m in engineering). I have had a few interviews but no offers and I am concerned because the leads have really dried up the last month with all the media attention on the economy.

    Just hang in there and make it your job everyday to keep looking for employment. And keep reminding yourself not to take it personal. I figure the more interviewing I have to do, the better it makes me at it!!
    Good luck to everyone.

30. A big THANK YOU to jason for writing this blog. I look a it all the time. Looking for a job is very lonely. It helps me to see that I am not alone and others are in the same situation. Looking for a job is a job in itself. I look on all the job websites and if I see anything at all I am remotely interested in I send my resume. However, I have had better luck with posting my resume and having the employer contact me. I am really happy there is this website and I thank Jason for the opportunity to share thoughts and a way to connect with other people. I think what makes me really angry is when you are called back for a second interview and then you don’t hear anything. It would be common courtesy for the employer to at least let you know where you stand. I guess I would appreciate even a rejection email.

31. To Jason:

    At one point recently, I read back over your OP, and noticed that you wondered if anyone would respond. WOW–I guess you got your answer! The fact that you sat down and shared the depth of your experience with unemployment and depression has made a positive impact on all of us who have been fortunate enough to find this blog. Your decision to put it out there was a very good thing.

    To Lori:

    At least you’re getting interviews! I finally tracked down yesterday, via phone, one of the HR people I’d applied to. The job had been so in line with my resume that the job description read like everything I’ve done in my career. But when I got her on the phone * a miracle itself * she said they’d already filled the position. I can’t even seem to get any interviews.

    Ever since the year we had 4 major hurricanes and then later Katrina, things have just been going downhill in FL. I fear it’s going to end up just one giant homeless shelter next door to a bingo hall….oh well, ya gotta laugh.

32. To Elaine: I totally agree with you about the 2nd interview response. I have been in limbo on several positions and only one was kind enough to tell me I nailed the interview but they hired the other person because they lived closer to the office (gee, thanks!). It is frustrating to say the least. Just give me a reject email if you don’t have the guts to call, ya know???

    To Gina: Yes, I consider myself extremely lucky for the interviews. My former colleagues keep reminding me of that so I do feel fortunate that I am receiving interest. But its the volume of people that are pounding the pavement…..I mean, wow! I just don’t see the unemployment numbers matching what is out there looking for jobs. Like me for instance. Statistically, I am not counted because I have been at home with my daughter for 2 years. So I think the number of people is WAY off on the number of unemployed.

    Everybody: Don’t get discouraged. I stopped watching the news because I get hung up on the numbers, foreclosures, all the gloom and doom the media puts out there. It helps a little to know you aren’t the only person experiencing this whole thing but I found that it was robbing me of really pushing myself on creative ways to get employed (obits aside…LOL). Instead, we can reach out here when we need a little encouragement and solace that it is not us, but the freakin’ bad economy and droves of people looking for jobs. And I totally am behind those who think they are depressed to seek help, even if it is talking with friends and family. I needed meds and I am glad I did it for me, but by all means, don’t suffer. We can all get through this and hopefully be better people for it.

33. To Lori: I can’t believe the employer actually told you that they hired another person because that person lived closer to the office!!!! It should be based on your ability to do the job. I mean were they worried that because of gas prices you wouldn’t show up to work??? I did hear something similar on a phone interview earlier in my job hunt. But I know people drive from all over here in Phoenix because it is so spread out. However, I am trying to find a job closer to where I live due to gas prices. Yes, I agree the news is so depressing and I try not to watch it but I am a news junkie. I really love this blog because it helps me to know there are others in the same boat. I agree there are far more people looking for work and the numbers are not reflective of what is going on with the economy.

34. To Gina: don’t sell yourself short. Its normal be scared, and angry but try not to let it control your life. Which is easier said then done. Unlike most of you I have suffered from anxiety and depression since my late teens. Unlike now, it got really bad in my twenties, no I never took meds but I did see a counsellor. Actually, I’ve seen eight of them in my lifetime. I’ve learned to manage it through other outlets but it can still be really hard especially in times like these.

    I’ve been unemployed for almost 15 months, so I understand I’ll take anything mentality but I would like to discourage against that.
    Right now I have two offers one I know I would love but the pay is low due to my lack of experiences. The other, pay is better, plays to my strengths but it won’t give me the challenge I’ve been looking for. I need to make a decision by tomorrow, I’ll let you know what I decided.

35. Thank you for your thoughtful post on this subject. I personally had trouble with the job search, but I know many have. I am forwarding this on. Thanks again.

36. I can definitely relate. There were many times in my jobless periods where I contemplated how I would end it all…but I had a wife and kid, so I wouldn’t let myself. Like the third comment above, I just had to force myself to at least do ONE job-related thing that day. Usually if I did one thing, I would continue on to two, and so on. My last few jobs came from either recruiters that found me or network connections.

37. Mori, It really made me feel happy to learn that you have two positions you are considering…good for you!!! I really appreciate your candor regarding your personal situation. It has been very helpful. I wish you great luck with whatever you decide!

    Lori: What you say is so true–about the numbers. I wish I could take meds, but I’m not able to tolerate them; probably the same bio-thing that makes it hard to tolerate alcohol, too. I’m truly the world’s cheapest date…one-half drink and I’m gone! (Handy in this economy, I guess…) So I just go along surviving, day by day.

38. Shortly after I had wrote yesterday, I talked to old friend and I told him about the recent job offers. While we were talking he told me how much he admire me. I was surprise, I knew he thought I was crazy to turn down several position over the last year. Due to long commute not money. He also knew that before I quit my last job, I had asked for a transfer, I really wanted to try something new. So it wasn’t a surprise to him when I said I was leaning toward the lower pay job because it would offer me more of a challenge and good benefit package.

    I was still unsure until I got a call from another friend. She told me about a situation at work that had got her thinking that maybe it happened to move a her in a new direction. I smiled and told her about my jobs offers and which way I was leaning. I said listening to her story help me make up my mind.

    So I’m taking the low paying position which will put me out of comfort zone. Because I didn’t ask God for a better paying job but a job that would be a challenge and help me grow as a scientist.

    To everyone: I know its hard and discouraging but take it day by day. Have faith and when you least expect it the right job will present itself.

39. To Mori: Best wishes to you! It sounds like you are making the right choice. I think it is very important to evaluate each job offer. Sometimes it isn’t the money (although money is important) I think it is better to choose something challenging where you can grow and develop. I think you are very wise. I wish you all the best.

40. To Mori:

    Good for you…you’re on your way! No doubt your care with choosing will serve you well. Best of luck!

41. Hi there,
    To make a long story shorter I am a single mom of a 14 year old. Age 45 was in a 20 plus
    year abusive alchoholic drug induced husband. I finally left that…went thru two custody
    battle what a hell. Me and my beautiful daughter got out three years ago now and
    haven’t seen from him scence. I met this guy never married no kids. Well I liked him he
    was so nice at first he did have a drinking problem…We moved in with him he was
    fantastic to me… I guess I fell in Love… finacially doing fine making ends meet. We moved
    from New England to Florida on the Ocean and I got a job front desk in a little motel and he
    did matience there. We had an argument he started drinking and left to my workplace
    and I folled him there to find out what was going on and come to find out he lied
    to a worker and told her don’t tell her im here. I got fired I lost my job….Then I got a
    job at his other main full time job…working on the weekends for cash money. I worked
    hard but the view from the rooms was great so I cleaned the rooms. I worked hard for five
    months. He told all the guys he worked with I was nuts… It spread around and
    I lost my job. Here I am trying to survive on pnuts he trys to sabotage me why would a guy do
    this? Now im stuck living with this guy…for finacial purposes… Im depressed about trying
    to find a job watching my daughter strugle. and feeling like a piece of crap…Any one got
    some light to shine on this…? Im so angry hurt confused need a job. So I started seeing a
    therapist this week…Have my daughter in therapy too. This guys says hes sorry
    he made a mistake. He just signed a two year lease for a new place our lease is up
    witch I have allways paid half the rent and utilitys and food. I am strugling and know I
    have to move forward im on anti dep med and anxiety med my daughter has been
    put on an anti dep also. For depression of her loss…Of dad. And has also lost faith
    in this guy now I don’t know what the hell he thinks theres no intamacy in the relation
    ship how should I look at this…Thanks any one with encouraging words…Please I don’t
    really need simpathy… trying to keep my chin up to move forward.

42. WOW! It has been a while since I have read this post and it is amazing to see the community that has evolved here. A few things before I get long-winded – Barry thank you for staying positive – you are an amazing person and you have so much to offer, we both know that the Lord will open that door for you! You have devoted yourlife to him and his teachings and have demonstrated so much self-sacrifice to his word with your congregation. I know you are truly looking for the Denver area, as you know HE sometimes has a very different path for us. I will email you to revisit the resume and see what we can do…the fact of the matter is that you can\\\’t erase your dedicated life nor should you for everything you have done has been in HIS name, I am sure by now you have read the new book John 3:16 amazing stuff and it is really grounding. (if you haven\\\’t please do!)

    ——————————————————————————–

    Part 2

    As a counselor myself I wanted to share with all of you so many things – I became interested in helping others because I myself have suffered from Depression and Anxiety for many years. Not because of a job loss or any particular situation – I have been on a spiritual journey that seems like forever, we all get stuck, we all have loss, yet we all have love….unconditional love from the Divine Creator and that is the one thing that it seems so many of us – myself included- forget. He wants us to be happy, he wants us to be successful, and he wants us to be anxious for NOTHING!

    We have become a society where success in the work force means status, validates our being, and we have all fallen victim to this. This fact alone is quite depressing, in my coaching practice I have a client – who wants to finally let her \\\”soul-sing\\\”, she has worked hard all of her life and for most of it has been depressed. She is not happy because she is giving all of her energies to something that does not give her self-satisfaction. This is so true for so many of my clients, friends and as I read here many of you.

    Please know that job-loss is not the end of the road, yes it may be financially strapping but it does not mean we need to say \\\”I give up\\\” or \\\”I am a failure\\\”. Do not give up – You are not a failure! A door has closed and others will open – I promise! I know this because of personal experience and I know that I have not always walked through open doors. Although I have been self-employed for over 20 years so many of the same problems that are faced when you work for someone else are faced. Slow time of the year? I use to say – no one wants my services – I am a failure, and then I would isolate myself sometimes into an almost cocoon state. NOT GOOD. Just because times were slow, or the economy was down it did not mean I was a failure – Changing those words around and using positive affirmations, self-exploration and having complete faith has changed my life and my prosperity. I learned to \\\”shut-up\\\” and listen, it is amazing how much knowledge rains down on you when you are quiet.

    I know this post is very different than my last one, which was very clinical. This time I want to share with all of you – that all of us have been there – I do not know of one person in this world who has not had times of depression, \\\”negative\\\” thoughts, and self-doubt. I recently completely unplugged myself from the world and went to Sedona, specifically a place called Angel Valley to not only work on things for myself but to continue my committment to my clients. I can only help them by being whole myself, I was so tired, getting burned out, and was becoming unfocused (and yes depressed) on my true passion. That would be to help others find their true passions and maybe change the world a little bit.

    It is amazing what a week of no TV, internet, phones etc will do – the first day was really tough – I actually thought about driving back to Phoenix and hopping on the next flight to Boston – I was having anxieties because there was no noise! How nuts is that? Then I opened my heart and my mind, worked with some truly gifted people on how to bring myself back together (was sort of feeling like Humpty-Dumpty) so that I can continue to help others and be whole for my family.

    I want everyone on here to know a few things – YOU ARE SO VALUABLE, YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER AND PLEASE DO NOT SHUT YOURSELF OUT! Remember when you were a child and everything seemed so majestic and then as an adult you watched the same awe in your childs eyes – give yourself permission to be happy, let your soul-sing, dance like you\\\’ve never danced and know that you will be OK!

    Smiles and Blessings to all of you – may we all continue to be a support network for each other – by networking our resources givers gain, and we all have something to contribute to every single person!

    Louri

43. Great words Lori Thanks
    Just move forward thats my attitude positive thinking positive thinking thats the name of the game… Of Life
    I will not give up… Its really nice to know Im not the only one whos suffered from all this depression and an
    xiety… it has helped… being here.

44. Thanks Cheryle – I read your post earlier today and didn\’t really know how to respond without getting into the entire counselor mode. It seems that your situation is causing you to become depressed and it is effecting your daughter. Is there any way you can remove yourself from this situation? Men who do things like this do not change their behavior ever. It is highly disfunctional, and his low-self-esteem is going to drag you down as well. The other issue I wanted to bring up – as for the medication and your daughter – please make sure that the medication is age approriate – do you research on the side effects it may have, she is at an age where critical brain activity and growth are happening – there are so many medications out there and not all Dr.\’s who prescribe them take this into consideration. I work very closely with Dr. Patil – a top psychiatrist and he is very leary about putting child – especially in this age bracket on medication. Make sure her blood levels get drawn – for medications that work can really effect kidney and liver function.

    Smiles and keep your chin up –

    Louri

45. This is the first post I have seen dealing with the reality of depression and job loss – I have to comment though – at some point I don’t think we are talking about depression in the clinical sense, i.e. where medication and therapy can be helpful. I think we are talking about despair.

    I am a highly educated professional – I have been living (and being paid) at or near the poverty level since I embarked on my second career (at the same time I had my second child). I have been depressed and discouraged during some of that time with clinical depression and yes, medication and therapy helped, then.

    Now, I am middle aged with proven success, excellent skills – blah, blah, blah and no job. I lost my low paying job three months ago and all my money is gone. Soon my car, my phone and all the rest will be too. I live in a nice suburb – with nice neighbors none of whom can relate with my fear and failures.

    I had two great interviews last week – no call backs. One asked for my social – I should never have given it out (poverty level living does not make you a good credit risk) and I fear that is why I did not get the job.

    Quite frankly when you can’t support your kids and you are banging your head against the wall no amount of medication is going to help. I feel exactly as is stated in the original post – and I wonder, is it the wrists or the neck?

46. Judy- I SO know where you are coming from. And I am the most anti-meds person if there ever was. But I did it for my kids because I almost couldn’t get out of bed some days and I was obsessed with my email and phones to the point I would scream if someone was using any of them. I think, for me, when I started to consider the “wrists/neck” thing, it was time to talk to my doctor. With my marriage failing all around me, the prospect of being tossed out like yesterday’s garbage after I had left my career to have another child in my forties…..well, I was a mess. I was barely functioning.

    It helped me tremendously in my job search and my interview performance. I think back to my first interview after all of this had happened to me and I have to laugh. I had bags under my bags and I had cried so much the whole month my face was puffy and red. Even so, the HR girl said I nailed the interview but was passed over for someone who didn’t have to commute so far. And today, well…..I don’t want to jinx myself but I got a verbal offer from the government position I have been interviewing for since last June!! I don’t have the written offer yet and I am a stickler for that so I ain’t braggin’ yet. But it looks like I finally have something to celebrate!!

    If you really can’t consider med’s, do surround yourself with friends and family who can build you up and can be a positive force for you. I have had a long time colleague in my field who lives across the country who calls me daily just to check on me and give me insight, direction, leads, or sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. This has been invaluable to me in my job search to bounce ideas or get industry insight from. Sometimes, just having a person who just listens is worth so much.

    I guess my final comments are please know that you are not alone and most of all, don’t suffer needlessly like I did. And there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I can pull this off getting the position I have just been offered, most of you can do it too. I am pulling for you all. Believe in yourself and your skills. Then market yourself like crazy. Follow up and get feed back. And do it all over again. Trust me, I know it sucks but nobody will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. Good luck and stay focused.

    Lori

47. Lori,

    I am not an anti meds person – my point is that when you are alone, no spouse/partner and running out of money to meet your daily needs – no amount of meds can counter that despair. You can’t live and feed your children on air. You are fortunate that you have close friends and family – my friends treat unemployment like a cancer diagnosis. It makes people uncomfortable to be with someone who has money problems. I used to be the one who was everyone’s cheerleader – they see me down and out and don’t know what to say.

    I have picked up piecemeal work here and there – that keeps my phone on and my child fed. I network as I can – but I can’t afford to go out for coffee let alone lunch. I am 54 years old – my friends go out to dinner, to the movies – they take their kids places … they ask me to go along – I got 20 buck in my wallet and it is earmarked for gas or food. They leave to go to dinner – I go home alone.

    The world is changing. My ex’s sister is a counselor – she told me once that the over 50’s downsized out of work executives would come for therapy and she would say all the right things (the things that are stated throughout this post) – but when they left – she said to herself she had no idea how they could cope. For her, the thought of living without her income was terrifying.

    The greater the level of education – the older you get – the harder it is. The isolation is greater and the support harder to find. I say again – this is a problem meds won’t help. I am not a person to give up living, but I have lost any sense of joy, happiness and optimism.

    But – your story does offer hope and inspiration – and I am grateful that you took the time to respond.

48. Judy = Your neighbors are not your judge = they are not your family….do not try to please them, you have to find the right things for you. Jesus says you are the light of the world…I beg of you when you pray = do not just pray but stay on your knees and listen.

    Your job is not you – there are a million jobs out there – who cares – unless you understand who yo are will set you free – when you comprehend that your silly neighbors don\\\’t matter – but your children do – let\\\’s go deep – let\\\’s get into the spirit of what is going on this weekend – energy – Jesus – he proved them all wrong…

    Please = please stay strong for your children – you are their guiding light.

49. Louri,

    My neighbors aren’t silly and I didn’t mean to imply they were. In the cancer analogy I was trying to convey the fear that people feel when they are confronted by something that could happen to them.

    Also, while I respect your faith, I am not a christian.

    My point in posting is that job loss in this economy presents a complex issue and a challenging one.

50. Yes, Judy, it is a complex issue. I guess what I was trying to say is that it helped me out of the despair mode so that I could even pursue job leads. I couldn’t function normally before the med’s and it enabled me to think more clearly on my goals and the job at hand – getting a job. I by no means am promoting it. It just helped me personally.

    I am in my forties so I can somewhat relate to what you are saying and I believe that is true about the education. It was my experience that actually was keeping me from employment because everyone wants someone with 2-5 years experience, not 20!

    And I also understand about the cancer analogy. My long time (whom I considered my best) friend has pretty much cut off all communication with me except when I force a response via email. It has forced me into looking hard at who my friends really are.

    Trust me, I have had the days you speak of and I really do understand. My kids haven’t been through rough times financially and it is hard to tell them we can’t afford clothes, going out to eat, etc. right now. On top of that, my soon to be ex was pressuring me to get a job so his child support obligation would be lowered and calling me stupid and lazy, as if I wasn’t trying! Talk about stress!!

    Just don’t give up. Challenging as it might be, this economy is forcing us to push ourselves in ways we haven’t had to before. You are an educated, strong woman who has so much to offer. And like Louri said, jobs are not who we are. Focus on your job right now – getting one. Set yourself a few goals to achieve this week and push hard trying to meet them. You’ll feel good about a few little steps. Just remember, don’t take this personally. Trying times just make us dig deeper on creative ways to gain employment. You can do this.

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