I don’t consider myself emotionally unhealthy. In fact, with the exception of dealing with a big car accident when I was 17, I feel like I’ve either been in control of my life, or very comfortable with what has happening. I don’t think that I have suffered from anxiety or depression or similar things, although I’m close to people who have and know that it’s real and serious.
I have a high locus of control, which means I believe I have a significant impact on things that happen to me (career success, family success, etc.).
But, when I started my job search there were two major things going on.
First, I was managing and coordinating all of the logistics that go into a job search. There are a ton… from getting a resume together to getting it out, prepping for interviews, dressing right, networking, researching, etc. These are all mechanical things, things that you can get coached on from the “do these 10 things and you’ll land a job” lists.
In fact, they are so mechanical that you can easily define what needs to be done, how to do it, and figure out what tweaks are required because of your needs. You can come up with checklists and plans, and it’s all good… or it would seem to be all good.
This is all good news for someone with a high locus of control. But even when you have a high locus of control, depression clouds everything.
The second thing that was happening all of the emotional stuff happening. You see, I was on top of the world… I was the general manager of my company, on the board of directors, accomplished in school and feeling pretty good about myself.
Depression Clouds Everything Especially with Life Hitting Us from Every Which Way
And then I became a “job seeker.” This is the person that won’t get a call back, or an e-mail reply, from anyone. The job seeker is the person who tries to get interviews so that you can see just how great they are, and what value they’ll bring to your company… but they get nowhere. The job seeker is the guy who lost an income, but still has bills to pay.
When I first lost my job I remember reading an article on MSN – it was about a guy in Korea that lost his job, went to the zoo, entered an animal’s area, and climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. Can you imagine what it takes for a professional to end up in a tree at the zoo, and then on international news? “At least,” I thought, “I’m not there.”
But day after day, the rejection, the self-doubt, all the bad stuff that happens when your world is turned upside down, the emotions where clouding things. Judgment was clouded because I was desperate. And, depression clouds everything
Performance was clouded because I was scared. I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with these emotions, especially week after week.
It was also somewhat depressing to go to network meetings with professionals in transition who were going through similar things. I was pretty amazed that I met people who were in the same laid-off boat I was, who were much more accomplished than me. Would this never end?? I didn’t want to be in this situation regularly!
Depression Clouds Everything Even How We Would Normally Think
I dealt with it (by ignoring it). But I knew that others weren’t dealing with it there.
A few weeks ago I was at lunch with a good friend that I met during my job search. He had a very similar story to mine, a fast-paced career, good money, big titles and responsibility, and then he got cut out because of lame corporate politics. We got on the subject of emotions, and I said that this was the most surprising aspect of a job search for me, and I asked him if he dealt with negative emotions.
Since I had met him I knew him to be composed… I didn’t imagine that he dealt with them.
His reply was shocking: “Jason, it got to the point where I asked myself if it was the wrists or the neck.”
I was speechless. This was a big part of why I needed to write this Depression Clouds Everything post.
For those of you who haven’t been jobless yet, thinking that you give 110% to your company and they’ll take care of you, mark my words, the emotional aspect of a job search, no matter what your locus of control is, may be the most surprising, derailing thing you have to deal with in your job search.
The Enemy of Depression Is Hope
I’m updating this post in 2022. I want to preserve much of the original post since it resonated so much with people, and because it is a snapshot of where I was in my growth journey.
Years after I wrote this Depression Clouds Everything post I met Dick Bolles in person. I was fortunate to get some time with him at a restaurant. It was, I can say, life changing. Please read this post about that lunch, and why it impacted me.
I’m not going to say that understanding options, or having more hope, will eliminate depression. That would be too simplistic. But I know that having options, having something to hope for, can change how you feel and think. I went through that. Options found me, my hope went from zero to a hundred, and depression melted away. You can’t force this on anyone, or yourself, but it’s an awesome dynamic that might help.
I’m not sure if I’ll get comments on this post, Depression Clouds Everything, or not… but it is a serious issue. If you have anything you feel comfortable sharing, leave a comment.
I have been in a job search for 6 months. That is not really true because the first 3 months I was so depressed that I cannot, now in hindsight, say that I was searching for a job during that period.
So I am extremely pleased that you are writing about this subject so openly.
At one point right after I started my transition (I love that politically correct word) I thought I was having a heart attack. I had shortness of breath and all the classic symptoms but it was depression not a heart attack.
Now I have pulled myself together and am actively looking for a job. Hopefully I will have one before the end of the year.
If anyone wants to know that you can pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, I will tell you that you can.
This does not mean that every day is not a little depressing. It is. If the phone rings it is a good day. If it doesn’t I now have enough things to do to keep me busy for the day.
And most important, I have decided to learn something new. This way if I run out of things to do I can go back to studying.
If anyone else is feeling like they need to talk with someone “who actually knows what it is to be depressed†I am sure we can figure out a way to link up.
The light at the end of the tunnel really is there.
Jason, kudos for bringing this to a point of discussion. Being unemployed is one of the toughest things in the world — besides war, death, hunger, poverty, and disease — and if you are unemployed (especially for months and months), it can feel worse than these things.
It’s not just having bills to pay and self/family to support, it’s about the perception of self that is wrapped into work – especially in America – home of the over-the-top work ethic, the “you’re only as good as your last sale†corporate mentality, and a “don’t let them see you sweat†culture.
So what happens when we lose a great job (and our public persona — translation the “what do you do” networking/party opener)– especially a job with responsibility, visibility, and a sense of future? How do we keep our confidence up when our very being has been compromised? How do we remain a supportive spouse and parent (emotionally and financially). How do we manage in this “new (often unexpected) normal?â€
Gotta grieve, baby. Gotta raise our fists to the heavens and ask, “Why me?†Gotta let our family and friends into our misery, for a while. Being strong is admirable, but the toll on our loved ones of being the strong silent type sucks! We’re human. We’ve been kicked in the pants. We’re allowed to be mad, sad, and miserable. And its OK to say we are!!!
What’s NOT OK is living in either end of the spectrum too long, by ignoring the reality of unemployment or dwelling on it. Gotta find the balance, as Jason did.
Moving forward is the best antidote. Decide when, where, and for how long to grieve, be angry, whatever, then strategize a plan and stick to it – do something (many things) every day. Keep a list of activities on JibberJobber. It’ll help keep you focused and productive.
Get out of the house, have lunch with a colleague, go to professional group meetings, and build your network. Seek professional help (career coach, resume writer, counselor or therapist, even self-help books) if it’s too hard to move forward. Do something fun every week. Laugh often. Create and embrace unexpected directions, as Jason did. Think outside of the box when being in the box isn’t working (no pun intended.) And “give to get†for “career karma.â€
Jason, you have proven that determination, guts, and frustration – packaged with some genius, innovation, and a huge dose of networking mojo – was just what you needed to move past disappointment and into power. You continue to be an inspiration.
(Disclaimer: I’m not a counselor or therapist – these are my opinions and solutions, developed in 18 years of coaching great executives, some of whom lose jobs, despite their greatness! With C-level tenures ranging approximately 18-36 months, job loss is pretty much an expected outcome at hire. Often an exit strategy is the first thing my clients work on after we create their 90-day strategic entry plan!)
Deb Dib, the CEO Coach
“Unabashedly passionate about helping visionary, gutsy, fun executives with a conscience build great careers, mold great companies, and even change the world a bit.â€
Having gone through “the layoff” twice within the last five years, I experienced many of the emotions described in this posting and in the responses. For me, the right antidote is to look forward and strive to do at least one thing each day that pulls you along the path toward re-employment. Respond to a job posting, e-mail a former colleague who may have a connection, take a hard look at your resume for possible adjustments, or even join a community organization that can help keep you busy – you might even make a new contact that could lead you to a new job.
Or, take a stab at something that gives you some happiness – and a little money. For me, I was a substitute teacher for a few months. It led to me to a part-time teaching gig that I still have, and will continue to hold.
Sure, you’ll probably have your moments when you’ll wonder when it will all end and you’ll be back on “the path†again, but the more you stay busy and believe you’re accomplishing something, the less opportunity you’ll have to get bummed out.
I’m also very glad to see Jason bring this topic forward! I was laid off in 1994 from the world’s 2nd largest computer company (at the time). It’s long gone. The HQ was here in Massachusetts, and this is where most of the layoffs were. I was very lucky, since I was glad to leave and also blessed with a husband with a good job for a different employer.
However, many others were not so glad or lucky. Some were not equipped, mentally or emotionally, for the dramatic change, for whatever reason.
Within a week, we had “our” first suicide (a recruiter). Another followed in a few weeks (engineering manager). And, a couple of years after his layoff, one of my former co-workers (operations manager) murdered his wife before committing suicide. Stunning!
Fortunately, we had job search support groups here in Massachusetts, and word about them spread through our outplacement organization and our company “alumni” groups. They were, and are, as Jason noted, enormously helpful for people. Just getting together once a week with others “in the same boat” is encouraging, but often these groups provide more than just the misery-loves-company aspect. They network with each other, listen to talks like Jason gave, help each other with problems with resumes or cover letters or finding contacts. They are GREAT!
In July, 2000, I started adding links to employment resources by state, and the top of the list has always been job search networking and support groups. There are over 600 listed now, including the state sponsored ones and other groups that are useful for networking (like PC and Mac users, Project Management Institute chapters, etc.).
All the various networking groups are collected on this page of Job-Hunt –
https://www.job-hunt.org/job-search-networking/job-search-networking.shtml
I also have found over 100 employer alumni groups which can be very helpful for networking too –
https://www.job-hunt.org/employer_alumni_networking.shtml
If you know of any others that have a Website, Yahoo or Google Group, or some other permanent Web address, please let me know, and I’ll add them. I know how critical they can be.
I know of 2 suicides and 1 murder/suicide in this area from this one employer. There must have been more that I don’t have personal knowledge of, particularly in other states. There were over 120,000 employees when our layoffs started. The job clubs, job support groups, networking groups – whatever you want to call them – fill a critical role in prevention.
No one ever talks about it, but it happens.
Good job, Jason! Thanks!!
I have been on a job search for two-and-a-half years, working in temp jobs to pay the bills. Over the last year, I didn’t job search at all, just worked, because I had experienced so much rejection, I was at the point of saying “to hell with it.” It is remarkable how narrow-minded most employers are–just a bunch of robots.
For me, unemployment is the denied/hidden cost of capitalism. We move to cities (leave the forests), aquire specialities (abandon direct ways of nurturing ourselves) according to school and government recommendation. With job all swell but eventually unemployment will strike and we are then to wait for the less probable of again finding _that_ type of job in _that_ city (or breaking you social ties). The absurd is the state of being in limbo, of not having anything to do in a reality based on money and transaction . A limbo that did not exist in the times of hunters and gatherers. A limbo with depressions and self-directed violence. A limbo which is our sacrifice to society.
I welcome this subject. Good post. Actually this blog became more interesting, since however well-intentioned the usual positive job-hunt-spirit with all its action words of this blog is, the more it denies of the darker sides. Which is less helpful for us seeker. Good going!
Thank you for posting on this Jason…the misery loves company adage is absolutely true. Every job seeker out there needs to know that all of these feelings are common, and to a certain extent you should accept them- the truth is, you are not going to completely rid yourself of the depression until you are back at a job, if your career is what fulfills you. However. in the process of accepting these feelings, you need to be self-aware enough to know when depression is taking over, and do something about it- it is a fine line.
I am a professional in psychology, and although counseling is not my specialty of choice, I have practiced therapy. So I am very familiar with the signs of depression, and see have seen it many times in myself over the process of my job search. There are the mood swings, there are days when I don’t want to get out of bed, times when I don’t want to talk to friends and family, days where I wonder if I am really qualified to do anything. Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to people anymore because my world is the walls of my house and monster.com, or careerbuilder, or hotjobs- you get the idea.
So even though I recognize all this about myself, and knowing the advice I would give to clients in a similar situation, it is still impossible sometimes to feel anything by miserable. Truly there will be bad days- being unemployed is a ^%*&^ situation. But, when I start feeling that way, I give myself a day to feel like crap, and then the next day I go to a job/networking meeting. I don’t go with the expectation anymore that I will meet that person who will give me a job, or that I will sit around sharing my sorrow with other job seekers- I just go to get out of the house and talk to people that you don’t perceive as judging you. It really does help- as long as you don’t talk about how pathetic you feel! The other thing I have realized is that there are things you can do while not working that you enjoy that you will not be able to do once you land that job. I say allow yourself time off of your job search everyday to do them. In that hour it takes for you to go to the park, or take a nap, or go for a walk, will you miss a phone call that you can’t return? Or will that one odd job that you neglect applying to make a difference when you have applied to 10 others that day? I am not foolish enough to tell people to “enjoy” their time off- that’s as ridiculous as thinking those 10 “to do” things will really land you a job easily. But, when it is all said and done, when you go back to work make sure there as at least one thing you can identify and say, “I am glad I had time to at least do ____.”
Thank you Jason, for talking about this openly. I was working in an international job for an NGO and got let go in 1998. After that, I think I got four interviews in about nine months. I finally returned to the US after that, and it felt pretty sweet to get a temp, part-time job after ten months of unemployment. I retrained myself, went back to university and am well-employed now.
The other side of a layoff is this, however; ever since then it’s been hard for me to trust an employer. My wife and I compulsively feel the need to have a ‘plan B’ in place. I don’t open up to people at my workplace. I don’t buy in to employer retirement plans or stock options because I don’t ever think I’ll be there for a long period of time. “Screw work before it screws you” has been one of the things at the back of my mind. That paranoia is lasting, long after the depression went away (or perhaps it’s a part of the depression, who knows).
Depression during the job search is more common than most people think. I am so glad Jason broached this important topic. The job search can be an overwhelming and humbling experience. We are so used to identifying ourselves by our job titles, and when we don’t have one, we let our self-esteem decrease. This eventually affects our relationships with family and friends and our energy levels. I encourage any of you job seekers who find yourselves depressed for a significant amount of time to seek professional help. After all, changing jobs is high up on that list of stress factors. Thanks Jason for having the courage to tell your own story!
I am in depression after 6 months of job search – no income – left a high level overseas to return to Australia to save a marriage that has now broken up – so I am so glad I have found I am not alone in feeling all these nasty emotions as a result of rejection after rejection in the job market.
God bless you all – I know there is light at the end of the tunnel – just need to get that torch light out to find the way!
Jason,
Great job posting on this topic. I’m sure that (when I’m blogging again) I’ll blog on this as well – it’s an incredibly important thing to talk about, and we try to avoid it because it’s not the most comfortable topic.
The thing is, we identify so much with our careers and our jobs that it becomes incredibly difficult to fathom who we are when we’ve lost a job. For many people, it can be such an earth shaking blow to their identity that they spiral into an incredible depression. I’ve dealt with it with a couple of the people I have coached – they ARE their jobs. And without that job, they don’t know who they’re supposed to be.
It’s a scary time for people.
-Mike
Jason,
Thanks for your honesty on this topic. I want to share another insight as well. Depression can also hit when you are still employed, but stuck in a job with no future. I have been working for the past few months with career experts, bulding a network, and trying all the job boards. It’s very discouraging when you put your best out there, and no one responds. I have felt trapped, with a window closing on me in terms of finding another position that uses my skills and gives me momentum, and wondered if and when the timing will put me in the unemployment line.
Thankfully I am not there yet, and I have had my first nibble in the process, but it has been a long time of searching without any “bones” to keep me fed.
Barry
Steer clear of Chandler-Hill partners. It amounts to a 5 thousand dollar resume. I voluntarily left a job in July and susbeqently had two minor strokes. I’m working with a new “head hunting” firm with more of an emphasis on me. Won’t have to start withdrawing from retirement savings until March. Hope it doesn’t come to that!
One of the reasons for depression is tha absence of really supportive people. There are a lot of self-righteous people of the “I would clean houses” or “What about retail?” variety, but, unfortunately there are a lot of fair weather friends out there, who were very willing to be around as long as I had a certain level and could afford to own a home. I don’t have a family, so friends are important. I would like to hear comments on how to make friends who will really be there, not just fair weather friends. My friends weren’t there for me. I have a real nostaligia. I am in another state now. In one sense I miss them, In another sense I am too angry to write to them. Another thing is that everyone tries to push you into teaching elementary school. The fact that I have no interest in this or that I do not enjoy operating at a second grade level doesn’t matter. Just throw them anywhere and get rid of the problem – there is no one who cares about who you really are or how you really feel.
I would like to ask how the clergy people in your religion (without naming the religions) have responded. I have not been able to get any clergy person in my religion willing to make an appointment with me or offer me any help. I am thinking about concerting, and I wonder what religions are being supportive. Mine is not. I think religion involves a sense of community and not just going to a service once a week.
Dear Jason
The number of comments to this post says it all, thank you for acknowledging this ‘hidden’ aspect of job-loss.
My own story might help someone, so here it is. Back in 98 I was ‘let go’ from a job with a small educational publisher in Cambridge. It paid badly and I regularly stayed in the office till the cleaners booted me out at 8pm and took my Mac SE home at weekends. I absolutely loved it. So when they closed my department, I was devastated, doubly so because they kept on someone who always went home on the dot of 5pm. They tried to soften it by promising to continue using me as a freelancer – which turned out to be a bad thing because new laws shortly afterwards forbade freelancers from working exclusively for one company.
At the time I had just fallen in love and moved in with a gorgeous man, so I ignored the emotional impact of losing my job. We ignore deep emotions like this at our peril. I should have allowed myself to feel anger at the unfairness of it. I was struck down, literally, with excruciating sciatica and within weeks was so crippled I couldn’t stand up. My boyfriend was an absolute brick and got hold of a wheelchair which he zoomed me around in to do the Christmas shopping (brilliant, everyone gets out of your way!).
When we feel unsupported, as I did by my employers, it can quite literally manifest in our spines, the basis of our physical support. The subconscious works in metaphor, think of dreams. If we don’t acknowledge our feelings, we are at risk that they will manifest physically. We all know our achilles heel – the trick is to recognise the warning signs.
My back eventually recovered, but it has continued to be a barometer of my emotions. In 94 I was reeling from divorce and a business venture that went horribly wrong – another kind of loss of job. This time I was plunged into depression and my doctor prescribed what I call “the panacea for the unemployed” Prozac. These drugs do help depression, but they also take away drive and ambition, and seem to go hand-in-hand with increased alcohol consumption. By this time I had been self-employed too long to get back into salaried work and it was a struggle to scrape my business off the floor.
In 2001 I had another series of emotional challenges and this time my spine literally collapsed. I had an emergency operation on two shattered disks and now have permanent nerve damage in my left foot.
I do not regret these experiences – apart from the impact they’ve had on my financial situation – because they were catalysts for emotional and spiritual growth and led me to things that have brought me great joy. I sought a coach to help me rebuild my business and William Arruda came into my life, and thence membership of the Reach group of strategists.
I’ve told my story because I sincerely believe that the challenges life throws at us are opportunities for growth. The important thing is to seek help if we find it difficult to express negative emotions. Stress isn’t only a symptom of too much work, it’s just as relevant to loss of work, as well as other emotional losses – relationships and bereavement. Untreated stress leads to depression, illness and injury.
I personally found hypnoanalysis helpful and I read many excellent books on personal development while I was lying around recovering from back injury (I will be listing these on my new blog as soon as I’ve worked out how to do it). I also took the opportunity to train as a hypnotherapist, though I don’t practice. I recommend adding to your skills bank while ‘resting’ from employment.
I have learnt to embrace the dark periods of my life as a part of who I am, as elements of my personal brand. My target audience includes coaches and alternative practitioners because I passionately believe that they offer vital support to people trying to make the most of their lives.
I would urge anyone who’s lost a job to find a sympathetic coach, one who will help guide them through the minefield of job-hunting as well as offering emotional support to help deal with negative emotions. And don’t rely on conventional medicine, seek out alternative therapists who can tackle the underlying stress.
Oh, and it’s very liberating to ‘fess up. Our imperfections and failings are as much a part of our brand as all the positive stuff! You only have to think of Donald Trump’s hair and Oprah’s battles with her weight. 🙂
Sue Brettell
Personal brand design and communication
Thank you demonstrating courage to write honesty about this debilitating yet mostly unspoken side-effect of unemployment.
I went through a similar experience in 2001 when the tech bubble finally burst for me. Compounded by 9/11 my job search lasted eight unsettling months. Thankfully I had a very supportive fiance (now wife 🙂 and incredible friends who encouraged me throughout the process.
Looking back at it now I can say the job change was for the best. However, I have no intention of ever allowing myself to be as unprepared as I was for a job change. As a result, I’ve become much more interested in career management, personal branding and connecting with people. It’s not who you know or what you know, but who knows what you know.
Jason,
Like Rick, this is the second time I’ve lost my job in 5 years. The first time, I was at a sales conference and told a joke that offended one person in the audience. It wasn’t over the top, but it did have inuendo’s. It was an adult joke but not graphic in anyway. She told me afterwards that she was a “good Christian”. I later found out this individual was also an ordained minister. Even though I apologised and asked for her forgivenes, it was escalated to HR. Talk about religious hypocrisy! My manager, whom I never got along with, lied to HR about certain key facts about the incident and I was let go. The timing was bad because right after I lost my job, my son came down with Chrohns disease and a heart condition. While I was looking for work, I was driving my son from one doctor to the next.
I was a dedicated worker at my prior company for 14 years and took this job only because it payed me almost double my current salary. I moved my family to NJ from Long Island NY. My kids who were in Jr. HS at the time, had a tough time with move. After being unemployed for 9 months, I finally got a job in the midwest. I was separated from my family for 5 months (I was living in corporate housing) while we bought and sold our houses.
The Midwest company that I’ve worked for almost 4 years was recently bought out. Due to another incident, (I’ll spare you the details, but essentially it was another dublicitous situation and a cost cutting move) I was let go the week before Thanksgiving holiday. To top it off, I had to cancel my holiday dinner with my family. My father passed away right before Thanksgiving and I needed to fly down to Florida for the service.
If anyone has a reason to be depressed or even suicidal, it would be me. I’m drawing strength from my faith in God and family. It amazes me how people in our society today have become so incensitive, selfish and backstabbing. These traits seem to thrive in corporate America. People in the work place use the HR dept as a way of excercising control. It’s sad that families have to pay a terrible price because someone was “inconvenienced” in the workplace. HR comes swooping in like the Gestapo, not caring about your say in the matter. It feels like an execution, but without offering you a cigarette before they shoot you. You have no rights because corporations are essentially dictatorships.
You hand over your ID card and then building security escorts you out of the building. You feel like a criminal. As you walk to your car, you thinK to yourself, what am I going to say to my wife? What’s going to happen to my family? As Tom says above, you can never trust your employer, or for that matter, the employees. When you spend a third of your life at a work place, it’s easy to drop your guard and see everyone as one big happy family. It’s sad, but as Tom says, you have to keep to yourself. Don’t offer anyone a piece of your personal life that they can use against you, and have a plan B. For me, plan B was not spending my inital sign on bonus. When I first got hired, my wife said we’ll need that money as our life boat someday. Low and behold! I know it’s cliche, but “it’s always darkest before the dawn”!
God Bless everyone and good luck with your job search.
Brian
I have had the dubious honor of loosing two jobs and being fired from a third.
This first time I was heartbroken. I loved my work, my job, my boss, my staff, and our customers. The COO of the company called a friendly competitor that very day and let them know that they had been forced to let someone good go and I was working at that company the next week. Even with a new job, same field, I was torn inside. Why me, others didn’t have my skills, my responsibility? It wasn’t just ego, I saw those not let go ask why her, she’s our best?! I had a terribly time keeping in touch with my old co-workers/friends/connections. I felt just horribly and flawed. The lesson I learned was not to take it personally. The company eventually went out of business and all of my old co-co-workers/friends/connections lost their jobs as well. It may not be you, it may be a lack of work, a failure of some other sort. I have rebuilt the friendships and connections from this position and need not have sundered them originally.
The second time I was let go it was a 90% staff lay off directly after 9/11. This was also difficult, it wasn’t easier the second time. I was the very fist non-owner (founder) of a start up and had really given my all for a number of years. I understood why I was let go, I understood that it wasn’t personal and I was even sort-of happy that I wasn’t going to have to continue to work those crazy hours but now with only 10% of the staff! I took another job within three months, our family needed the income I felt, and with no safety net another job seemed the only answer. The job was far, far below my old level and it has taken me years to work back up to my old level. Long, hard, dark years of hard work, again. These were depressing years of being an executive assistant after having been the executive. I really had to draw on all my reserves emotionally to get through this period. Lesson learned, don’t panic! Wait for the right job!
Getting fired, this one’s odd. You really must take it personally! After all, you are the one being fired! This company fired someone every month and I knew that it would eventually be my turn. After being laid off twice the prospect of not having work was much less daunting and I figured that the industry knew this company and that being fired from here would be a good mark as opposed to a bad mark. It was almost a relief when they finally got to me and I was fired; still, a bit of an ego blow, but much less worse the third time. I really did start to not take it personally!
One of the major fallouts is that I still feel behind financially. If I hadn’t had these set backs, would I own a house? Would I have more saved for retirement? I know I would be earning more! The second fallout is when I interact with those who have had no set backs who are arrogant. I have multitudes of emotions; jealousy, anger, vitriol. They think that they made better decisions than I. They think that it is my fault these things happened to me and that it is their fault that they have not happened to them. They do not understand that sometimes life hands you failure and agony. I find myself wishing them calamity so they will understand that calamity can occur to anyone. And this makes me feel like a bad person.
I have had several occasions to come across unemployment challenges. I am grateful that I was let go as part of a dot com bust without warning or knowledge… walk into a status meeting with the CEO… walk out with a pink slip saying I was fired ‘for cause’… the cause?… written in the state form?…’lack of funding.’ Really… because the bank wouldn’t fund a second round of VC he let me go…
I was newly single… 600 miles from family… all of my friends worked at a different company… I had struck out on my own and went bust.
Forward 6 months… I’m in a great consulting gig… in a great department of a great company…. helping re-design processes… helpiing migrate work off shore… hearing lots of great work that was coming my way in the new year… only to be let go at the end of Dec when my 6th month contract expired… again… no warning… no support… no clue…
But I had the experience of the 1st round to bolster my confidence for the second round and in a month I had 2 jobs… low paying… but together it was enough to pay the bills… and I didn’t stop looking… and I found another job… at the same great company… in the IT department that supported me the first time around.
And all of that was worth it… and I would do it all over again… because on Sept 12th 2001 when my newly moved in boyfriend came home to the apartment we moved into at the begining of the month with red eyes and a red nose I already knew the steps he needed to take.
15 years he had his business…. 15 years of profit… 8 employees… $250k worth profit… all gone…
Sept 12th 2001 was a terrible day to be in the trade show display business… all day long his customers called… and by the end of the next week every one of them had picked up thier displays, cancelled thier contracts and he had not a penny of income to look forward to in October.
He tried to keep the business together by moving to dog agility jumps… You can’t replace $10k displays with $100 jumps… but his brother still tries….
http://www.dogjump.com was the site, which his brother may still keep going but after 6 years of running the business out of his garage he may think of giving up on it one day.
He worked at Lowe’s for $7 hr part time… and then a string of bad contractors…. our 2002 taxes had 14 w2 forms for him!!! 3 moves later I am working at a rather large software company with several PMO positions under my belt… and my now husband is a master kitchen cabinet maker / installer…. but it has been a hard battle that we never could have won if I hadn’t been through the depression of unemployment!
I know the feeling. When I graduated from business school (after already completing law school), I had a solid salary figure in mind, which I intended to be the lowest that I would accept. Little did I know that it would take me nine months to find a job! I ended up having to move from Florida to New York for a job that had no salary base whatsoever; it was completely commission-based. After being exploited for my talents, I felt that I was forced to quit before I completely lost it.
Upon returning to Florida, I knew that it would not be easy to embark on the arduous task of returning to the job search, but I was hopeful. Five months later, nearly all hope is lost. Luckily, I have found a temporary project to help keep me afloat, but it is not a career move by any means. As I continue my quest to find gainful employment, I feel that I am reaching the end of my rope. Depression has set in, my student loan debt scares me daily, and life just basically sucks. I keep telling myself that something has to give… eventually… or, at least, I hope so.
I lost my full-time job in March of 2005 and I have struggled since to maintain my self-respect and to keep on pushing while everything I’ve worked for crumbles around me. I have a part-time job that I have worked on since July 2005, but I am only earning 1/2 of my former salary. Feelings of hopelessness overwhelm me sometimes and I too have taken months off from the job search to cope with the stress of continual rejection. I know that it is “crazy” to give up sometimes, but in my twisted thinking, I can’t be rejected if I am not out there.
For all of us going through similar challenges, things have got to get better. When is enough, ENOUGH?
When is enough, enough. Good question, something I’ve been asking myself for awhile now. Everything started to fall apart Nov of 2006. A relationship of five years ended, fallout with my family because it had to be my fault, the engine in my car fell out while at the mechanics and my health was slipping. Then things at my job started to go downhill and by Feb of 2007, I was basically forced to quit. I was already depressed and basically worn out. I was worried because I didn’t have much of a resume and I hadn’t even started looking for a job. I knew it could take awhile to find another one.
In the meantime, I tried to revive my garden, that was hit with a late frost early in this spring and killed half my plants. I worked on my place until the funds ran out, I didn’t get far but further than I had before in three years. A week before I was suppose to leave for vacation (the one I was never able take in the 4 1/2 years I worked for the lab) the back of a metal cabinet I was working on fell on my big toe. While my toe wasn’t broken, the nail was and that’s takes a lot longer to heal. I was able to go my trip but I only recently have been able to wear sneakers.
Now in my ninth month of unemployment, depression has become my constant companion. This time of the year has never been easy for me and now is no exception. My saving grace is that I planned early, so gifts will be given, nothing great of course but something.
I tried to remind myself that my car while not in great shape no thanks to T—-, still runs. My hair is growing back and my health has improved. Still, this is suppose to be the time of miracles and I sure could use one now.
Man, reading this article really hit a nerve. I left a pretty good job overseas to try something new back home. I’ve been looking for almost 6 months and, though I’ve had a couple of interviews here and there, still nothing permanent yet. I’ve applied to well over 75+ job postings, asked basically all my “old” friends/colleagues for internal company openings, and probably “personalized” my resume a hundred times.
I’ve had to move back with my parents because my student loans had pretty much eaten up most of my savings. I started working for a temp agency and, though it pays some of the bills, the job isn’t even close to what I could be doing. Sometimes I just go downstairs into the basement, when nobody’s home, and yell at the top of my lungs, punch walls and just try to vent. I’m a pretty well-composed person most of the time, and though I am nowhere near the point of your friend, I can feel and understand the sense of desperation.
I admit, the feelings come and go. Like when you get that interview, or even that “Re: Job Application” email in your inbox, everything just seems to look a lot brighter. Other times, late a night, when you’re searching, applying, writing your cover-letter (or copy-and-pasting..), it feels like you’ve been doing this forever (6 months and counting for me..).
I never expected this.
Jason, Thanks for posting this. I thought it was just me. My depression is making it very hard to get a new job. I have a lot of fears about a new job, which is the hardest thing to overcome. I have lost all of my self-confidence.
Wow, how I feel for everyone here. I lost my job in July of 2005. At a hospital for 9 years as an IT Director. Built everything, THE IT guy on campus. I loved my work, and enjoyed the people I worked with. A new CEO took over, and I was gone. I was devastated. I lucked out that a friend needed a good technical/engineer, so I had a job for 1 1/2 years. Left there to go to a better job [the one I’m at now] as a Director again. But after only 10 months, I’ve been told I need to “Step it up, or I’m out”. I still have a job, but the idea of potentially losing it is depressing. As soon as I found out, I started hitting the job boards at night. Resumes going out, but nothing coming back. I’m preparing myself for the “Tom we need to talk” day. I’m sure it’s coming soon. We’ve already started the process of figuring out what to do with insurance, mortgage, etc.
The IT market is a bust; too few jobs and too many people. The sleepless nights, and angst have already started. Depression, Anxiety, Feeling of Worthlessness. Having gone through it once I figured I’d be ready, but its not true. I’ve read that it takes a good 2 years + to get over a layoff, even if you’re gainfully employed. Believe me, it’s true! You have the feeling that someone is always looking over your shoulder.
All I can say is, if you need help, get it! See your doctor, friend, anyone to talk to, and cope. Don’t feel it’s all on you and you need to do it alone. Careful of the drinking…the bottle makes it worse [trust me, I was there!].
I’m not religious, or real spiritual, but to everyone here…God Bless, and good luck…
Thanks Jason. And thank you all who have shared their stories and feelings here. I thought it was just me.
Thanks for talking about this everyone. I needed to know that I’m not alone. I feel awful and the last thing I want to do is “talk myself up” to prospective employers.
I have found that I am not alone. I have been looking for a job for 2 months now. I’ve sent out a lot of resumes but have had not responses. I go through my depression times and wonder if I will ever find a job. I have the skills and experience but find there are so many people looking right now. I went to a job fair and there were more people than jobs available! I do have an interview coming up but I’m not getting my hopes up.
To Marlene
Stay positive. It’s not you! I am at a point where I may seek a career coach. I’ve been sending resumes out since September, and have had only 3 interviews. A friend of mine lost his job in late December, and had 2 offers already. So it’s all about timing, and networking. Hang in there, and seek out friends and family for support. Also, get away once in a while. Even if it’s a walk in the park. Clear your head, and know it’s not you…
The last time I was in transition. I broke up my day into 3 activities. Mornings I did long over due (because of long work hours) chores around the house and yard. Lots of good physical activity. Afternoons I spent studying for an exam for a career transition backup plan. Basically to pass an exam to become a high school Math teacher which I did accomplish. Evenings were spent on job hunting and online networking. I did find it very useful to break up my day so that I didn’t focus solely on what may have seemed to be a dead end job search.
It was a tough time with more candidates then jobs. However keeping in touch with the people of my network as well as an understanding and supportive family helped me get through it. Eventually a former colleague informed me of a contract job that turned into a permanent long term position.
I’ve been participating in an online networking group that is very much based on Ferrazi’s book “Never Eat Alone”. Over the past half of my career I’ve found that a “warm trusted network” is how I’ve gotten all of my career opportunities. In the “warm trusted” network, people are focusing on why they should consider you as the right candidate. In the cold network often interviewers are looking at how to exclude you as a candidate. Of course there is much more to it then networking but that is an important key. The best jobs are not the type you’ll find in the newspaper or on the job boards but are the ones that are haven’t been advertised (at least not yet) that you have a network advocate for.
In case anybody may be interested you can find out about this networking group at https://etpnetwork.com/
Thomas E. Kenny:
Thanks! I still have a job, for the moment at least, and it’s overwhelming. I’m dreading the next step, because I know what it is…thanks for the tip(s). I’ll take a look at this book, and that site…
I just discovered this site and having read through all the postings, i would like to share mine. To be honest- for a start i never in my entire life thought that one day i would be in this misearble situation. I never thought i would be sitting at home without a job and looking for some sort of support from the internet community on the subject of unemployment and depression.
I had a brilliant job for over 10 years in a sales and marketing capacity in the hospitality industry, my days were always interesting every day i meet and talk to people, i travelled frequently for business and i really enjoyed the feeling the job gave me. And then i decided to leave for a new position overseas which was a stepping stone for me, to experience working in a new environment. I jad an expatriate pakage which was a first for me, the level of respect i got was motivating. Sadly after a few months i had to come back due to my parent falling ill and being the only child i was stressed out into having to make this tough decision to quit a great opportunity to return home in case anything happens to her. I spent 3 mths not working and then found a new job back home – it was a much lower position than my last one but i was pretty desperate and decided to just take it. BIG MISTAKE. That was the start of my downfall. Besides dealing with starting at the bottom again and getting bullied by a bitchy colleague who felt i have taken her job, i had a boss from hell, he constantly abused me and threatened to fire me from the first mth i was there.Never in my life was i so depressed and demoralized, i was in shock and did not know how to respond or handle the situation, i never was so badly treated in my life. I lost all my drive, motivation, spirit and confidence. Finally after 9 months of putting up with his shit, my boss from hell plotted to drive me out by telling HR that my performance was way way below expectation and that hiring me was a mistake. I was given 4 weeks to leave. I did not fight back as i was so destroyed already from the months of bashing. I found out later that he plotted to get me out as he also wanted to promote his ‘girlfiend’ who was in a lower position and she was threatening to resign if she did not get my post. This was office politics in the dirtiest nastiest form!
Now having been unemployed for 3 months, i’m sinking deeper into depression. I have also thoughts of ending my misery by exiting this cruel world -i lost so much blood in my last job and i also lost faith in the goodness of mankind.
Since leaving there had been some employers calling for interviews but as soon as they find out that i had left my last job and unemployed now – they just lose their interest and i never hear from them again. It’s like if you have a job they want you and if you don’t and need a job they don’t want you thing going on with employers these days.
The worse thing was i was so close to a job and when the employer found out that i had left my job and currently unemployed and need a job, they immediately accused me of having a bad record at my last job and called my previous employer for reference check and spoke to the boss from hell i had about me and of course the rejection came the very next day, the thing was they were so courteous with me and respectful during the past 2 months of the interview process (while i was still employed) and as soon as i had no job they lost all respect for me and talked to me like i was a bad kid who needed a beating!!! I was dropped like a ball even though i more than qualified for the position and was into my last interview after 4 rounds of interview!!! I was so depressed and ANGRY! And then the same thing got repeated again and to be honest i think i am getting used to the rejection already, i’m at the point of telling employers when they call that i am not interested instead – rather than letting them reject me eventually.
It has become really hard for me to move and secure a new job with my previous employer badmouthing me everytime an employer calls them for reference check, being the last job since leaving employers always want to speak to someone ther- and when they do – i never hear from them again.
I’m really in a very BAD position and never in my life did i think i would sink into such a great depth of depression. I feel hopeless i may never see the light ever again.
Dave,
I read your post, and you tugged at my heartstrings and hit a spot. I too have been there, and felt the same way. No way out, and feeling it would be better to end it all. Don’t do it! Go get some help; friend, loved one, relative, spiritual adviser. NO Job is worth ending your life over. Also, I’d seek some legal advice. Your past employer CANNOT speak negatively of you the way you stated. They have to defer comment, or state it was a mutual agreement to part ways, and that’s it.
It’s easy to say hang in there, and keep working at it. I’ve been on both sides, and soon to be out again. I’ve rode the emotional rollercoaster a number of times, and so has my family. It SUCKS, I won’t lie. But be strong and hang in there. It will turn around…
I know things look bleak but stick with it. Things will get better.
Even if you can’t take legal action against your former employer you may just want to drop that employment from your history. I would think some employers may be more understanding about taking time off due to elder care needs then having to justify a bad reference due to the situation you were in.
Also I’d advise to look for opportunities to network with people from your other employers.
Via LinkedIn I’ve reconnected with some folks from longer ago then I’d like to admit….
Dave,
I particularly empathized with your situation because I’ve gone through situations very close to yours. You are a good person to come back and take care of your mom. God is looking down on you. I think it’s important to get out of the house and do something that takes you away from all your sorrow, i.e. movies, taking a walk, exercising, etc.. I go to the gym everyday for an hour or so and come back feeling better about things. My thought process is also quicker and clearer.
One common thread though that I would like to point out is corporate politics. There is no way to avoid it, but it’s important to find ways to work around it. Although this is not always true, corporate executives get to their positions not because they’re alturistic individuals, espousing espirit de corp and looking after your best interests all the time. They got there because many of them are pathological liars and sociopaths. An axe to grind? Maybe. Go watch the movie 9 to 5 with Dabney Coleman and Jane Fonda. Although Coleman’s character is really a caricature, it’s pretty close to being the corporate exec prototype. As for me, I have paid severence through the end of January. With two kids in college, a mortgage and two car payments, I’ll need to find something real quick! Hang in there.
Dave,
I can really relate to what you are going through. When I tell anyone that I left my job to seek a “different type of challenge” it seems to be met with suspicion. I’ve only had two interviews since November when I left my former company. I left because of all the BS going on there, impending layoffs, high turnover, lack of management, backstabbing.. You name it and this company had it. I stayed as long as I could but realized I could not cope with this type of an environment any longer. I do think it is easier to get a job when you have a job, but sometimes you can’t do this. I also had to take care of a sick parent (I am an only child) so I can relate to that. I think it is best to be honest with an employer. I’ve always thought a former employer cannot give a bad reference, only give the dates you were employed at the company. I am trying not to get depressed during this bad economy and it’s difficult. I am thinking of just taking a temp job to tide me over as my funds are running out. I am going to look into networking and a job coach. I think when you are in this type of situation, any help can be positive.
All I can say is wow. I sort of knew there had to be people out there suffering the same (and worse) situation as myself. It makes me even sadder to see so many people in pain over employment.
My story is somewhat different in that I left my long time position with a software development company when I remarried and had a baby two years ago. We decided that because my husband was doing well, that I would stay at home to care for our baby and I also had two older children by a previous marriage that needed attention. I knew the statistics for 2nd marriages and thought to myself, I could always get a job if something should happen. Needless to say, it happened. My husband wants a divorce and I have been trying to get a job after being out of the job market for two years. Talk about stress and depression.
I hit the ground running every morning after the older kids go to school and check and recheck my email obsessively. I carry all of my phones with me every where (in the yard, mailbox, bathroom, you name it). Some days are good ones where I am able to apply to 3-6 qualified jobs a day. On those days, I can think outside the box on my skill set and scan all ads for companies that I would be interested in. Because of my diverse engineering skills, I think I have no less than 10 resumes. Those days are the good ones where I think I am making progress. I have had one interview and they called me to let me know I was their second choice as they hired someone who lived closer to them. The only other calls I have had are from recruiters who want to send me on interviews that I’m not qualified for but if I don’t go, they won’t send me on anything else.
Other days, I grieve the loss of my long time job, my marriage, the fact that my whole world is crashing down around me and I now have 3 kids to care for instead of 2. I have begged for my old job back even though they have long since replaced me. It would be better for me to move on but with legal bills mounting from my divorce, the potential possibility of me being “homeless” (technically speaking as I do have family), the torment my poor children are going through seeing their mom struggling day to day to keep her act together in case I get an interview, and the fear of just not knowing where I am going to end up. My husband knows I have a offer on the west coast but won’t let me leave the east. He wants me to get a temp job in a warehouse and leave my baby in daycare all day instead of me spending all of my efforts in trying to get a professional position. I can’t even make enough money to pay for daycare and it will severely limit my time for my job search and networking. Yes, I will get support from him, however, I can’t and won’t live off of my c/s. Besides, these days I would be hard pressed to live solely on that alone even if I could.
I can’t say I haven’t thought about it…..it lingers in the back of my mind (you know, the wrist/throat thing) but I know I have 3 people counting on me to survive and provide for them and I can’t do that to them. I am a smart, loyal, hard working person who has so much to offer an employer. I know I have to hang in there and eventually I will get a break. I wish everyone luck and perseverance. This, too, shall pass.
I graduated with an MBA in July of 2007. I have 7 years work experience. I have been searching for job since May 2007. I have had 2/two interviews. This makes me sick. I am angry. Frustrated. Depressed. Angry. For about 4 months straight, I was regularly spending 5-8 hours a day searching. I would wake up at 8 am and get to work. I have networked, worked with recruites, asked friends and family for help, joined groups, hunted online, called people for info interviews, and essentailly tried everything I coudl think of. Lately, I have given up on that type of search. I find myself getting up later and later, and thinking that submitting my resume is a total waste of time. I am 30 years old and becusae of my unemployement am staying at my parents. My family is clinically dysfunctional (ongoing divorce, alcoholism, etc) and it hurts just to be here, not to mention to be here in this situation. I have little choice. I live in the Chicago area and there is no way I could take a part time or waitressing job and move out. I have a part time job in retail, which some days gives me relief and other days makes me think that its so bad that with 2 degrees, this is all i can get. I feel totally f$%6ed. So angry today. And other days, helpless hopeless and despairing. And sometimes I feel ok. I can’t say I totally believe that I am going to find something, that something being a good ( not even great, I woudl settle for good) opportunity. HELP!!!?!!!?!?!!?!
Lori/amrb,
I know it’s hard, and I can’t say I’ve been where you’re both at, but I have been outside looking in on more than one occasion, and it’s not fun. However, you need to be strong, and if possible get help from someone like a relative, friend, or spiritual avenue. Not just financial, but mental support. Someone to tell you its not you, it’s the current state of society. Also, that you’re important, and people are relying on you to be there [kids/family/friends].
I implore both of you to seek out some help and get the support you need. Don’t do anything rash. It’s not your fault that this happens, and there are people there to help…
Hey thanks for that support Tom. I definitely need to hear that its not my fault, and I’m importnat nonetheless. More importantly, I need to strongly believe that! I have been trying hard to develop a spiritual sense of things, and most importantly a strong sense of self compassion. But no man is an island and I hope that I will find the help I need from others during this time. This webiste is a good start for that. Thanks again.
amrb,
No problem. We all need that shoulder [virtual or otherwise] to lean on from time to time. Life can be overwhelming at times, and challenging enough when you’re working, let alone trying to keep things moving along at home, and find a job.
Hang in there!!!
Best
Thanks, Tom. I am seeking help with my doctor as I know this isn’t normal. It is very frustrating as I see so many talented people like myself who have so much to offer yet there isn’t anyplace to go.
Spiritually it has certainly changed me. I see things very different than I did before and I am a much more compassionate person too. Also, it is amazing to see who your friends really are. Most people, if they can’t help you, will at least stay in contact with you and if anything, forward a joke via email. Others on the other hand, avoid you like the plague.
I will forever be an advocate for others (as I have in the past, even for strangers). If I have learned anything about this experience, it will be pay it forward to help others in this dilemma.
Lori, that’s great. I did the same thing. I found out that it was a combination of me concerned about an impending layoff, as well as a Thyroid issue that can cause depression. Plus, it was nice talking to someone outside of my circle who understood, and was actually listening. I am still worried about job loss [having gone through this no more than 2 years ago], but by having my physical and mental issues addressed have significantly reduced my anxiety. It’s now tolerable, and allows me to think.
It’s the first step, of many, but that’s all you can do. Hang in there, and I feel the same as you. If I can help just one person, great. The more the better…It doesn’t take much to say it’s okay, and be there for someone.
Its a step, if just a small one. But a step nonetheless. And since my previous post, I have a pre-screen with a recruiter for a job near my home (which means a lot when you live in the ATL where the jobs are few and the traffic blows). Nothing dramatic but I was barely getting phone interviews.
The only advice I can give to anyone in this mess right now is keep it all in perspective and KNOW you are not alone. Pick yourself up off the floor (if need be) and look hard at yourself, assess all of your skills and build a zillion resumes that flaunt each and every talent you can muster. Think outside the box and at every angle. Talk to industry people who will build you up (and gently critique you too – ’cause if you are reading this, you don’t need to be pushed off the ledge, kwim?). Luckily, I have a mentor in my industry that checks on me almost daily and at the end of our conversations, I almost think I can walk on water.
One of my detriments is my pride. I have a hard time asking for help. But this is a situation where you have to park your pride at the door. Its a learning thing and I am trying. I have been fortunate in the past to have always obtained employment through word of mouth. And now the well is dry and I am all alone beating the bushes. But I refuse to give up. This will, in the end, make me a stronger person and I will never again take my job, when I get one, for granted (nor will I leave my contacts and network of industry pals gathering dust either).
I have had 2 interviews since November after sending out a lot of resumes. I’ve had phone interviews lately as I think employers are getting so many resumes it is easier for them to screen with a phone interview. In fact, I had one interviewer tell me he was bombarded with resumes but only found 4 people he felt met the qualifications for the job. He wants me to call him on Friday. I really think it is an “employers market” and employers are being very particular. I will be going to a networking function so hopefully something will help me improve my situation. I have my good days and my bad days.
Depression during any time of your life is definately something very hard to deal with. When one is depressed it is hard to see the world in a \”Golden Light.\” Depression is not something that you can just snap out of, it has to be worked out. You have to take charge of your depression one step at a time.
There are so many types of depression and when you are depressed due to a loss, whether it be a job loss, a family loss, or any myriad of other losses. Depression Hurts! When someone loses a job and becomes depressed we call this a Post Traumatic – Symptematic Depression. Trauma of any type takes healing and healing takes time!
Understanding your depression is the first step in healing, getting support is the second and then the steps continue…..baby steps mind you!
Becoming depressed after losing your job is like a black curtain falling down on you and the curtain can be mighty heavy. Lifting that curtain is not an easy task, but it most certainly can be done. If one seperates themselves from society and their peers at this point in time, it will be even harder to get past this point.
You must remember you are not alone in fact none of us are and it is important that the depression does not turn into severe \”pessimistic\” depression, where your self-esteem gets very low and you start feeling worthless. It is normal to be depressed after a loss of any kind, and it is vital that you do not start to blame or get angry at yourself. Grieve – Heal.
Work with a support group or a therapist who specializes in career psychology. Remember you are in charge – do not let depression or anxiety take the lead. It is important to note I am not saying ignore the depression, I am saying take control of it and to take control of it you have to have help and support.
Millions of people are in the same boat and all handle it differently, but no matter what you must recognize this is a real problem, work through the issue and don\’t get down on yourself. You are a unique individual and have so much to offer that no one else does.
Note:( if your depression lasts for long periods of time and your sense of sadness, anger etc., continue it is really important to seek professional help. Many times depression is genetic or can be caused from a chemical imbalance that is brought on my trauma.)
I do a lot of counseling with people just like you and I want you to know that YOU ARE A VALUABLE PERSON WHO HAS A LOT TO CONTRIBUTE – DON\’T GIVE UP EVER!